Why does it seem like all women successful?

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katdances
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17 Feb 2018, 2:16 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Now you can more easily search for a better job.

You didn't want to be there. It's good that you're gone from there.

It's a hard thing to lose a job. It really is.

But just keep your head up, take a break for the weekend, then start plugging away next week.



That's true. I'm still working for about a month there, he just let me know that he didn't had a place for me (and another woman) there anymore. At least now I can justify giving more time to my own project and to search for another job. This one is not a priority anymore and has stopped being a reason for me to feel guilty about. So that's good. Kinda liberating.

Yeah, I've realised months ago that I'd had enough there and have being containing myself from abruptly quitting for economic reasons. I'm also going on holiday at the start of March so that's great but I also feel guilty for going now, but 1) I need it, my mind needs it 2)It's all payed for. So I have to try and stop feeling guilty.

Thanks for your words Kraftie, I talked to my parents and it seemed like nothing for them, almost as if they didn't want me working there anymore. I guess even though being fired was the only way I was leaving that job (unless I got another offer), the fact that it happened suddenly or that it actually happened was a kick in the ass to my ego. I'm still sad/mad about it, but I'm more calm right now. Definitely taking most of the weekend off. :roll:

Oh, and a robot therapy sounds scary. Definitely they'd be listening and watching all our issues and reactions. Like the ultimate form of surveillance. Like that chip that records your memories from Black Mirror. Just no.



sly279
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17 Feb 2018, 3:22 am

katdances wrote:
Hey just to update on the unsuccessful women thing, I just lost my job so how unsuccessful is that for you?

You’re probably find another. All successful people fall at some point
Would you date a permanent loser who works part time retail and can’t afford a car?

Your still way more successful then me. Sorry you lost your job I guess.



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17 Feb 2018, 12:20 pm

I'm not sure this will actually help any, but on the off-chance it does... I'm very unsuccessful. The only job I've ever had is a part-time janitorial position, which I had for a little over a year before the company got sold and the company that took over wanted to use their own employees. Out of over fifty job applications over the past year or two, I've only ever heard a thing back from three (one gave me a preliminary interview I promptly failed because of my tremor, which made me look a lot more nervous than I was, the second didn't have an interview and hired me for the aforementioned cleaning job, and a third sent me an email asking for a good time to call me in the next few days, but never actually called). I've never had anyone who's met me in person show the slightest romantic interest in me. I don't even have a driver's license, let alone a car, and I still live with and am completely dependent on my parents. I only have maybe $1000 left saved up from when I was working, because I had to pay for a service dog, and no source of income - so I really can't afford much of anything. I've been in and out of the hospital for mental health issues the past few months - also a big financial drain. I have a very few online friends, none who live anywhere near me. I've gotten minimal to no joy out of life for over a decade. I really don't think anyone in their right mind would call me successful. Long story short, unsuccessful women do exist, even if they may be hard to find in your area. And even very successful women may be perfectly happy to date someone in your position - some of us do value personality and character traits over material things. I know I personally wouldn't care if someone didn't have a job, car, place of their own, etc. if I was truly in love with them. Big dragon hugs for you - I really hope you can find a woman who will look past your circumstances and love you for who you really are.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


kraftiekortie
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17 Feb 2018, 4:18 pm

But you are successful, Ms. Dragon. You've got a biology degree. You earned that. It's very demanding coursework--the sciences.

I wish I knew you in person, so I can really encourage you. It bothers me that you feel the way you do.

And you too, Sly. You're not the ugliest man in the world---far from that. You look sort of like my motorcyclist friend from long ago, from the late 70s. You've kept a job for a while. Keeping even a part-time job for a few years counts as an accomplishment.

I don't think Sly will glory in your so-called "lack of success." I don't think it will help Sly one bit.

I'm upset that you both feel the way you do. I'm not very diplomatic. I might not be using the "right words."

It's just upsetting. Because I know both of you have potential.

Conceding defeat never helps......



sly279
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17 Feb 2018, 7:52 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
But you are successful, Ms. Dragon. You've got a biology degree. You earned that. It's very demanding coursework--the sciences.

I wish I knew you in person, so I can really encourage you. It bothers me that you feel the way you do.

And you too, Sly. You're not the ugliest man in the world---far from that. You look sort of like my motorcyclist friend from long ago, from the late 70s. You've kept a job for a while. Keeping even a part-time job for a few years counts as an accomplishment.

I don't think Sly will glory in your so-called "lack of success." I don't think it will help Sly one bit.

I'm upset that you both feel the way you do. I'm not very diplomatic. I might not be using the "right words."

It's just upsetting. Because I know both of you have potential.

Conceding defeat never helps......



Not being the ugliest man doesn’t help. I’m still ugly. No women will date me.
Just like your not the worst man in the world isn’t a compliment

How? Any teenager is epexcted to work a part ime job in high school. There aren’t any women who will look at that and coo all over me and say what a successful man he can barely manage a task teenager do. I’m 30. My life has been over for years this is just existing nothing less. I’m on a life coma, time to pull the plug.



kraftiekortie
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17 Feb 2018, 7:57 pm

I like you Sly. I don't want you to go, man.



sly279
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17 Feb 2018, 8:08 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I like you Sly. I don't want you to go, man.

You pr fern I suffer for many more years of this hell?



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18 Feb 2018, 1:54 pm

Hey Sly. I know it looks that way at times. But believe me, even if it looks like someone has their life together, looks can be deceiving. Very, very deceiving.

If you’re happy living the way you are you probably have your life more together than you think.

I hope you are feeling okay. You’re not a loser. You work, don’t commit petty crimes, pay your way etc.



sly279
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18 Feb 2018, 8:08 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Hey Sly. I know it looks that way at times. But believe me, even if it looks like someone has their life together, looks can be deceiving. Very, very deceiving.

If you’re happy living the way you are you probably have your life more together than you think.

I hope you are feeling okay. You’re not a loser. You work, don’t commit petty crimes, pay your way etc.

But they say they have theirs together and thus is why they won’t date me cause I don’t habe mine together and never will.

How so?

I’ve been feeling worse this month, bday and vday, and I’ve been rejected by 10ish women this week.



katdances
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20 Feb 2018, 12:34 am

sly279 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Hey Sly. I know it looks that way at times. But believe me, even if it looks like someone has their life together, looks can be deceiving. Very, very deceiving.

If you’re happy living the way you are you probably have your life more together than you think.

I hope you are feeling okay. You’re not a loser. You work, don’t commit petty crimes, pay your way etc.

But they say they have theirs together and thus is why they won’t date me cause I don’t habe mine together and never will.

How so?

I’ve been feeling worse this month, bday and vday, and I’ve been rejected by 10ish women this week.


Hey, maybe they say that just to "attract" the stability they can't bring for themselves. I do think that's very important. That even though everything seems to be wrong, if in the end you're satisfied with yourself that's way more stability that others do have. Let me tell you, some people work so hard to make it seem like everything is perfect, just no to phase the idea that their lives are far from it or worse, to make others think they got it better than them.

When was your birthday? I stopped enjoying them after my 21st and only decided to enjoy my day last year. I didn't ask for much, I just wanted a cute and yummy cake + swimming training + direct family dinner with everyone actually getting along. I was lucky to get two of that (I went swimming the next day and it was tough though, it was one of those weeks where my routine was needed) How's yours been? As far as vday I never celebrated since I've never dated anyone, so I don't even try. While it was tough in my teen years and my 20s because everyone seemed to have a great time with their s/o and not "having" someone was looked down on, nowadays I'm just happy if friends and family do have someone to enjoy it with and sort of make them realise how lucky they are that they do. I also take it as a day to take care of myself, indulge a bit if possible. No clue if anything of this can relate to you, but society has us so used to put such importance on special dates that it can be too much pressure, when it doesn't have to be that way.

Plus, anyone that says that you will never have your life together, doesn't deserve your time.



katdances
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20 Feb 2018, 12:47 am

sly279 wrote:
katdances wrote:
Hey just to update on the unsuccessful women thing, I just lost my job so how unsuccessful is that for you?

You’re probably find another. All successful people fall at some point
Would you date a permanent loser who works part time retail and can’t afford a car?

Your still way more successful then me. Sorry you lost your job I guess.



I really hope to get a job soon, but it took me a year and a half to find and get the job I just lost, so that's been freaking me out all weekend. But I didn't want to be there anymore, it wasn't good for me.

Well, you might be calling me a loser too then (?), I worked part time on an oral contract with no benefits paid for 2 1/2 years. No car, no permit because I've no money to own or maintain a car so why get one. But people do consider as a plus that one's been able to maintain a job for more than one or two years so I'm trying to be positive. Don't get me wrong, half my day has been me worrying about how I'm going to pay bills and a loan in two months and half of it went to think in nothingness.

If I get along with a guy, I would date him. I guess connecting with someone is more important to me than having things. But I do like someone that has drive to try to achieve their goals, whatever those are. I never really get along with anyone anyway.



kraftiekortie
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20 Feb 2018, 11:41 am

You are going through a lot, Katdances.

If you feel tempted to give up (which is inevitable), you might have to "will yourself" not to.

I wish the pursuit of jobs was the same as it was in the old days----but it is not. It just takes longer for someone to get a job than it did in the old days.

Have you gone on Indeed.com?



sly279
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20 Feb 2018, 10:52 pm

katdances wrote:


I really hope to get a job soon, but it took me a year and a half to find and get the job I just lost, so that's been freaking me out all weekend. But I didn't want to be there anymore, it wasn't good for me.

Well, you might be calling me a loser too then (?), I worked part time on an oral contract with no benefits paid for 2 1/2 years. No car, no permit because I've no money to own or maintain a car so why get one. But people do consider as a plus that one's been able to maintain a job for more than one or two years so I'm trying to be positive. Don't get me wrong, half my day has been me worrying about how I'm going to pay bills and a loan in two months and half of it went to think in nothingness.

If I get along with a guy, I would date him. I guess connecting with someone is more important to me than having things. But I do like someone that has drive to try to achieve their goals, whatever those are. I never really get along with anyone anyway.


Took me 3 years to find a job. And it’s a min wage retail job. :(
It’s tough.

I don’t call people losers or other mean things. I also don’t care about if a woman works, has a car or lives alone. See thsts how I feel. I can’t afford to maintain or insure a car. I’ve never had anyone be like good job keeping a job for 2 years besides here. They just like youved worked the same min wage job for two years what a loser? But that’s probably only towards men. Men are expected to have good jobs and keep finding better jobs neber to stay in the same job more then a year.
See if I had a gf I’d help he her bills out of my savings. Hope you can figure it out. I’ve had some close calls and I might lose my ssdi this month :(. Happy birthday from the gov. I get 505 from it. It’s stressing me out not knowing.

But if you saw him on a dating site or if he messaged you would you consider dating a guy who works part time min wage and doesn’t drive? Women won’t even get to know me they refuse to. So no chance of them seeing if I’m a good guy who they’d get along with. So you want a guy with ambition:( so does every woman sadly. Maybe my goals is just to live and have a relationship and see where life takes us. :cry:



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20 Feb 2018, 11:07 pm

katdances wrote:

Hey, maybe they say that just to "attract" the stability they can't bring for themselves. I do think that's very important. That even though everything seems to be wrong, if in the end you're satisfied with yourself that's way more stability that others do have. Let me tell you, some people work so hard to make it seem like everything is perfect, just no to phase the idea that their lives are far from it or worse, to make others think they got it better than them.

When was your birthday? I stopped enjoying them after my 21st and only decided to enjoy my day last year. I didn't ask for much, I just wanted a cute and yummy cake + swimming training + direct family dinner with everyone actually getting along. I was lucky to get two of that (I went swimming the next day and it was tough though, it was one of those weeks where my routine was needed) How's yours been? As far as vday I never celebrated since I've never dated anyone, so I don't even try. While it was tough in my teen years and my 20s because everyone seemed to have a great time with their s/o and not "having" someone was looked down on, nowadays I'm just happy if friends and family do have someone to enjoy it with and sort of make them realise how lucky they are that they do. I also take it as a day to take care of myself, indulge a bit if possible. No clue if anything of this can relate to you, but society has us so used to put such importance on special dates that it can be too much pressure, when it doesn't have to be that way.

Plus, anyone that says that you will never have your life together, doesn't deserve your time.


Aka they want to date up. If a guy does that he’s called a mooch.

It’s next Monday.
Vday was horrible. Work was decorated up for it and everyone was talking about theirnplans and kissing each other.



Nickchick
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22 Feb 2018, 8:49 pm

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Oh come on Sly, stop it.

You know there are many unsuccessful women around.

And guess what. Just like you don't want somebody criticizing you, the unsuccessful women don't want that, either.

I’m not criticizing them. I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t have her life together.
I don’t het how almost all the women where I live all have good jobs, nice car and their own place.
Is the system just more geared towards women being successful?

I know there’s some here on wp who might but even then their few.

I feel so depressed I just wish I could find a woman who’s unemployed, doesn’t drive and lives with her family

Is what so many women say true are men just lazy? I’m not lazy but they see me as such.



I always thought it was the other way around but even so. You just described me. Well I have a job now but it took me 6 years out of college to get it and it's almost the bottom of the barrel.
Even though I'm a unique person I'm sure there's more women in a similar situation.


sly279 wrote:
lostonearth35 wrote:
Would you date a man who works retail, doesn’t own a car and rents with family?
Mind you they don’t even know I rent with family, or ther I only work 15 hours. For all they know I work full time or could be a manager.

The likelihood of me wanting to date a man seriously like that is small but only because the type of men (artsy/creative) that attract me wouldn't be doing things like that. They unfortunately for me tend to be successful but there was one guy I sorta dated in high school that did work in the grocery store and he lived with his dad. He also walked everywhere so at the time I was with him he never had his license let alone a car of his own. I fell pretty hard for him. He wrote a few poems/prose and liked to draw. We broke off because he was unemotionally available I guess. I still love him despite that.
So it depends. The right woman would date you if she felt that emotional/mental connection with you.


sly279 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
I haven't asked them, but one was recently dating such a guy. She suspected he was aspie.

And I would. I drive, but I don't earn enough to support myself and I sometimes live with my mum. I'm not really sure how you are defining success, but I'd say I succeed in some areas and not in others, by my own standards. I've dated guys who don't drive or are unemployed. Probably both at the same time, can't recall.


Why’s she stop?

You’d date a loser? Why not get a successful real man?

Successful is good paid job, nice car, own place, etc aka having your life together as people say. I have non of those. Which means I’m not a real man. If I was a woman I’d likely be fine but as a man it’s simple unacceptable to women.

I dont know what to do. Well I know what I need to do but I can’t yet do it as I fear pain and he’ll.


Not at all. It doesn't matter if you are a man. Did you know Jim Carrey lived out of his car for a long time? He entered the game pretty late.
Conversely there are plenty of times someone will have it all and they will lose it on a dime often through no fault of their own.
I get what you're saying though. A lot of women look at what you don't have but those aren't the type of women you should be looking for. You should be looking at women who would want you for you.


I haven't got through everything you said but you do sound a lot like me. I'm in a different situation. The difference is I can settle but I don't feel that's right and I do feel like a failure too much of a failure to attract a man I would want but that's just me that's just how I feel it doesn't make it true and similarily to you that's just how you feel. It doesn't make it so. I don't know your whole story but I bet there's a lot of things you've accomplished in your life. You say you work at retail right? That is an accomplishment in itself. Just getting a job to begin with is a struggle and you did it. You should be proud you are no longer unemployed.
Part time is also beneficial because you have more time to yourself. Yeah it sucks money wise but if you can't handle full time then why go for it?
I know you're saying in your case that it's the women that are feeling this way not you but even just feeling that women will always feel this way about you is not the way to be. From what I have read from you I think you are starting to believe that what they are saying is true about yourself. Yes the reality is the woman you have encountered did not like that about you but as I say you need to consider you didn't want those women anyway and you shouldn't give up.



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25 Feb 2018, 3:50 pm

Nickchick wrote:
I always thought it was the other way around but even so. You just described me. Well I have a job now but it took me 6 years out of college to get it and it's almost the bottom of the barrel.
Even though I'm a unique person I'm sure there's more women in a similar situation.


Sorry for delay hope you didn’t think I was ignoring you. Just had t had time to reply with work.

Other way around?
How’s it bottom of barrel if it requires college degree?
I’d hope so but there’s doesn’t to be many and the ones there are won’t date me in the same situation ast them:(

Quote:
Not at all. It doesn't matter if you are a man. Did you know Jim Carrey lived out of his car for a long time? He entered the game pretty late.
Conversely there are plenty of times someone will have it all and they will lose it on a dime often through no fault of their own.
I get what you're saying though. A lot of women look at what you don't have but those aren't the type of women you should be looking for. You should be looking at women who would want you for you.


I haven't got through everything you said but you do sound a lot like me. I'm in a different situation. The difference is I can settle but I don't feel that's right and I do feel like a failure too much of a failure to attract a man I would want but that's just me that's just how I feel it doesn't make it true and similarily to you that's just how you feel. It doesn't make it so. I don't know your whole story but I bet there's a lot of things you've accomplished in your life. You say you work at retail right? That is an accomplishment in itself. Just getting a job to begin with is a struggle and you did it. You should be proud you are no longer unemployed.
Part time is also beneficial because you have more time to yourself. Yeah it sucks money wise but if you can't handle full time then why go for it?
I know you're saying in your case that it's the women that are feeling this way not you but even just feeling that women will always feel this way about you is not the way to be. From what I have read from you I think you are starting to believe that what they are saying is true about yourself. Yes the reality is the woman you have encountered did not like that about you but as I say you need to consider you didn't want those women anyway and you shouldn't give up.


0.o
Jim Cary is the exception not the norm. Few people have made it big from. Ring poor but they are tiny compared to those who stay poor and the rich who came from rich. So it’s just as possible as winning the lottery, I wouldn’t count on either happening.
But there aren’t any single women who’d want me for me. Women like that all got together with other men back in high school and stay with them. Leaving the rest who want a real man and thus haven’t hooked up with anyone. Most women today don’t want to day a man for who he is but rather what he offers. It’s a sad superficial world. I only hope they get w guy who doesn’t like them for who they are but how they look.
Such people deserve each other and in 30-50 years as they age their divorce.
Superficiality doesn’t last forever.

What kind of man do you want that you too failure to get?
I haven’t accomplished much in the eyes of the nt superficial world. I should have a middle class job, House I’m paying off, two cars, a wife and 2-4 kids by now according to society. I work a teenagers job and I can’t even handle that so I work it part time :(
How’s that an accomplishment?


Being as pretty much all single women in my state believe it and say it no can I not believe it’s true? To do otherwise would make me just as crazy as the flat earth people.
There’s a few married women who say otherwise but they married and so don’t matter, also being married it’s likely they lying to make me feel better, they don’t have th option to be asked out by me nor have to consider reality of dating someone like me.
Similar to if I said I could survive in Africa, but I’ll neber be put to test that. It’s easy to lie and say you’d do something knowing you’ll never have to do it. Like people saying “oh if I was there I’d dine this____” then if someone is like ok I’ll send you there, they like” oh I would but I’m too busy to go and I have to meet so,wine etc,” any excuse they can come up with. So these women with their well off husband or boyfriend can say all they want that they’d date a loser, but they didn’t date a loser, so likely it’s a lie to make me feel better and get me to shut up. Some few women did date a loser but they’d in a relationship so again doesn’t help me. I’m left with the women who don’t find any guy good enough to date. Most women in their 20-40 who are single are cause they like it or there’s no men they deem good enough to date them who are also single. Those men have plenty of women to choose from, they can date women in the same situation as them all the way down to homeless women. And such men are few in the first place. Doesn’t help bunch of such men have multiple gfs. There’s already way more men then women and some men date or marry 2-10 women at once. :cry:
Saw this one guy who’s in a threesome relationship with two women, both women who are nerdy.

I dont know what dondo besides give up, it’s hopeless and I’m turning 30 tomorrow my life is over.