Specific areas of deficiency in ASD + How we can improve?

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I feel I have attained a basic level of social skills that are at least sufficient so as to not constantly cause big issues and conflicts in everyday interactions. It's not one episode after enough anymore at least. But I find myself wanting to progress further, I am going to go to college soon so I can begin a real career so I want to strive for better than just the most basic skill. I want to become charismatic, leadership potential, high empathy, form real connections with people, etc. My progression so far tells me that things aren't necessarily black and white like how some of the stuff about Aspergers says we can't learn this or that, I believe we just need to use a learning approach suited to Aspergers. My life experiences so far suggest that perhaps we shouldn't just call it impossible to get better at this.

I think it's not enough to say I wanna be emotionally intelligent I think it's necessary to take a more detailed look.



What are some areas of emotional intelligence people with Aspergers tend to struggle with and how can we work on it? I think everybody is probably a bit different but it would be very interesting if people posted ones they struggle with and maybe others give feedback on how to improve.

This post hits me. I am an aspie and have come a long way in things you listed: being charismatic, leadership potential, high empathy, form real connections with people. I'm better in those areas than most NTs, although it's certainly a lot of work, and I often don't want to be bothered... I had a management role for 3 years and loved parts of it and learned so much, but it consumed all my energy in life (I would often go to bed at 7 right after work, and lay there for 12 hours to recoup), and I have no interest in getting another such position anytime soon. I am also happily married and stay very emotionally in touch with my NT partner, and we communicate emotions well.

I actually want to put together some sort of sort of system to try and capture all the pieces that I've put together and how/where I learned them, in a way that can be shared or taught. I don't know if it's for a book, or youtube series, blog, or what. But I want to share that IT IS possible. Especially the emotional awareness, both in self and others. For most of my life and relationships I didn't realize emotions or the subconscious were really a real thing, but I learned how they work over 1 intense year in my late 20s, and have been getting better ever since (I'm 33 now). Now I have a pretty good grasp of how they work, how they drive NT behavior and development, and can identify patterns and communicate about them. This is a special interest of mine and it's completely changed how I view people and my own life, and I can now function and do my part in a healthy relationship.

Black and white are definitely not true for Aspergers/autism. Generally speaking,
everything "the books" say is not true. We are far mote limited by out minority status in the world than by any "deficits" in our minds (we live and grow in a world designed to teach NT minds what they need, nobody even recognizes what AS minds need, much less teaches it in ways that are suited for our style of learning).

NTs can learn to operate logically and think outside of their cultural blinders. Most don't bother... but many NT philosophers and scientists and psychologists and just random thinkers and those with unique struggles and experiences get pretty far down this path, and accomplish great things with types of thinking that aspies/autie minds are naturally strong in. So just that NT minds can learn to think and operate in aspie/autie ways, those on the spectrum can if can absolutely master everything in your chart and more, even though these are natural NT strengths.

There isn't a roadmap anywhere that I've found, not even an acknowledgement of what such a map might look like. If anyone knows of this sort of resource or writing, I hope they share. But there badly needs to be something for folks exactly like you, and most aspies I believe, who have got the basics for survival but know they have much more potential more in them, yet just aren't sure what the next steps are, what the areas are to learn or how to find helpful resources to learn them. I know I sure would have benefited and saved decades of struggling and depression. There are a lot of dead ends and places to get stuck along the way, as things are, with no coherent guidance (just pockets of good resources on certain topics, scattered among bad and counter-productive resources... most mainstream stuff seems to be the latter).

So to get very far, you need a lot of things going for you and a lot of luck.

I want to change that, at least a little bit. Not sure exactly how but I'm trying to spend all my little free time on capturing this stuff in words and diagrams and references to other resources. And ultimately I want to draw not just on my own experiences, but the experiences of lots of other aspies/auties who have become successful at all the things that are classically NT strengths.

I know that doesn't offer specific answers to your question about areas of strengths, I'll give that some thought and see what I can get down. But I had to share my thoughts on this stuff being possible vs impossible.... I'm going to say VERY POSSIBLE to learn all skills listed, given enough years and experiences and dedicated research and introspection.

Oh geez, sorry to hear that happened. That's the worst. I hope you are able to get your thoughts down later. Very interested in what you have to say on this topic.

I don't see mine on there, which seems strange as I think it's textbook autism. I have a hard time predicting how other people will respond to something. This is different than empathy. I can understand how people feel in the moment. I just don't how they WILL feel after I say something. It's like I'm blind in that way. I don't seem to have the ability to even consider it. I offend and upset people regularly without meaning to, at all, because I say something in a strange way, or leave crucial information out, or just talk about something way too sensitive (empathetic but no theory of mind is a bad combination!).
Since learning about autism I've developed some coping techniques, but it still happens all the time. I think that therapy will help. Now that I've been diagnosed I can get therapy from the autism center, which has a program for adults. I'm excited for that. I do not like making waves where it isn't necessary.

Several of those, but I voted for emotional self control.

SSJ14: You didn't break any rules, I'm sure.

If you did, you would have gotten some sort of email from the Mods.

I'm not a mod, by the way.

I think I'm fairly good in the work related areas as well as the coach & mentor thing after I've been there a bit & know the people so I quickly ruled em out. I guess I'll pick Adaptability as being my worse but it's not just cuz of my Aspergers. I have OCD & other mental & some physical disabilities that cause me to struggle with lots of things. I also developed Learned Helplessness from trying really hard as a kid & still majorly struggling. I get frustrated easily.