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weirdgorlriri
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Age: 27
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13 Feb 2018, 8:41 am

I met someone on a dating app almost a week ago and had the chance to spend time with her yesterday. I didn’t have time to mentally prepare myself so in the beginning we were very anxious. I tried really hard to come up with things to say, but I’m really terrible at coming up with what to talk about. I feel terrible because she did the talking most of the time and I could tell that she was getting more anxious. She knows I have trouble socializing and told me to promise her to talk more the next time we see each other. I want to keep that promise because I really like her, but I don’t know how to improve my social skills during that time. Is there anything that I could do to help me practice? By the way, she wants to know more about me. tysm


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SteveSnow
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13 Feb 2018, 9:02 am

I think everyone can understand the anxiety of a first date and she was at least aware of your issues so I wouldn't worry too much, plus a second date is always a good sign.

As for improving social skills, I personally talk to myself and imagine what the other person would say. Sometimes I use old conversations or ones from tv and movies. I'm still far from great but I can at least keep a conversation going for a few minutes if the other person participates. Also try to ask open ended questions on occasion so that they respond with something other then a yes or no. The last trick I use when meeting someone new is I'll write down a few things to talk about, a la Monty Pyhon's conversation cards. It might seem a little cheesy to pull out a card with topics on it but that can also lead to another conversation. Best of luck to ya.


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yellowtamarin
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13 Feb 2018, 5:24 pm

weirdgorlriri wrote:
By the way, she wants to know more about me.

Great, so ask for prompts. "What would you like to know about me?" When she gives you a topic, give a longish answer. Not a one word reply but also not a massive monologue about your special interest. If she keeps asking questions about the same topic, keep going though - she's interested.

And then often you can fire a similar question back.

I don't take prompt cards but I do sort of prepare questions beforehand. That is, I mentally note the main things I want to find out about the person that haven't been discussed yet. This gives meaning to the conversation because you're not just coming up with topics for the sake of it. You have a particular objective and so hopefully that will make you more invested in discussing the topics more thoroughly or enthusiastically.



Potato Bomb
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Joined: 27 Jan 2018
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13 Feb 2018, 10:57 pm

Do you know anything about her? I always like to know information about the person I am talking to. People usually enjoy talking about themselves. (I don't mean that rudely. Sorry.) When you were younger, you probably had to fill out papers that asked questions about you. What's your favorite color, food, animal, flower, movie, hobby? etc. When you don't know so much about them, any information is pretty good information. C:

OR you could talk about something right now. Like the news. Or maybe a movie that just came out. Ask their opinion about all sorts of things!

Good luck OP.