Tips for writing personal ads

Page 2 of 3 [ 41 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,872
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

16 Feb 2018, 2:02 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
If a person doesn't have a car he/she would do just fine in a city with good public transportation.


There’s Uber everywhere.

It is never about transportation.

It is about prestige.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,490
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

16 Feb 2018, 3:26 am

sly279 wrote:
Ichinin wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
One thing I would definitely caution against is writing ANYTHING that could be perceived as a negative AT ALL by anyone as then you're potentially excluding a lot of people from replying to you that otherwise might if you weren't so straight forward about listing negatives right up front in your ad.


In my experience, people will interpret ANYTHING you say as negative. Some people have problems regardless.


Well, if you want many responses just write something generic like everybody else like: "I'm a happy guy who likes to spend time with my friends, i like exercising at the gym, i like travel, music, movies, breathing and taking a s**t".

Those last 2 things were jokes, but you get the point of writing pointless conformist crap that everyone else do. Regardless of going for quality or quantity, I've noticed that humour is always appreciated.

(EDIT: 3000 posts wheeeeeeee!!)


I’d add that avoiding mentioning deal breaks is bad. I’m going mention I work retail and don’t have a car in my ads. I’ve wasted weeks with women talking only to have them end it when they find out, so seems better to mention it right away and avoid wasting my time and emotions.


Personal ads are supposed to sell attractiveness. Those things are likely to be perceived as unattractive. Omit them in your ad, but bring them up in conversation within the first couple days of chatting. That'd be a better balance, IMO, as you'd get more responses to your ads.. but then not waste weeks chatting with someone that's a deal breaker for if you bring it up in the first couple days of emails.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,490
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

16 Feb 2018, 3:28 am

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
If a person doesn't have a car he/she would do just fine in a city with good public transportation.

She would. Guys won’t. My city has one of the top public transportation systems in the whole United States. Women still won’t date men who don’t have a car here.


Here, guys who live in the city/near transit still do Okay with women. It's so extremely expensive to live in the city And there's fairly decent public transportation. But out here where I live in the suburbs? Transportation becomes a much more significant barrier to dating, as well as conveniences in life like getting groceries.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,490
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

16 Feb 2018, 3:35 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
If a person doesn't have a car he/she would do just fine in a city with good public transportation.


There’s Uber everywhere.

It is never about transportation.

It is about prestige.


False. We don't have Uber (or any ride sharing) here except for a couple tiny half assed gov't sanctioned companies that no one uses save for maybe some business traveller looking for a towncar & chauffeur.

To an extent it is about prestige/finances etc. But also, it does make a date that much more convenient, and private - no driver to hear conversations in the car.. able to go wherever you want whenever you want etc. Cars bring a LOT of freedom to people, especially in car-centric places like where I live. In my neighbourhood, everyone with a drivers licence has a car pretty much, so there are 3 at our house, 4 next door.. etc etc.

I've gone without a car before but it makes life REALLY difficult. Commuting goes from 50min drive to 2h to get to work and 3-4h to get home & there's very limited options for stopping and running errands, visiting friends, or going anywhere after work. With a car I can sleep in later, go to the beach after work, grab some groceries on my way home etc. It's not just about prestige, it's about modern conveniences & people not settling for less than whatever their standards are.

Buuuut yeah, a lot of people in the core of the city don't own cars.. can't afford both rent & car in Vancouver since it's so expensive. Car2Go, a German company, has the most users in Vancouver of any city in the world with over 100,000 members.. plus there are 2 other popular car sharing companies here. If you live in one of a few densely populated transit serviced areas you can get away without a car just fine, and if you don't life is VERY difficult without a car.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


Ichinin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.

16 Feb 2018, 3:57 am

sly279 wrote:
I’d add that avoiding mentioning deal breaks is bad. I’m going mention I work retail and don’t have a car in my ads. I’ve wasted weeks with women talking only to have them end it when they find out, so seems better to mention it right away and avoid wasting my time and emotions.


The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It is about prestige.


I do the opposite, i wrap myself in deal breakers. On the dates I've had, i actually wear common clothes like a hoodie and some old jeans, i do tell i have no car and i work with something other than i do. If they blow that off and judge me because of the way i look, i don't care.

Why? Financially, i'm rather ok, in fact better than most others - if i wanted a car, i could go and buy one on a lunch break (excluding the drivers license, which takes longer). But i live in a city with very well organised public transportation and i like to walk. I'm not looking for a gold-digger, if i'm gonna meet someone, it's gonna be for love and not for the size of my wallet.


_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)


Ichinin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.

16 Feb 2018, 4:02 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
There’s Uber everywhere.


Side note: Some countries have banned uber, like Germany who decided it was a taxi service and need to adhere with such regulation, France did the same, and i think Uk also banned uber (or rather it's app license).


_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,490
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

16 Feb 2018, 3:12 pm

Ichinin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I’d add that avoiding mentioning deal breaks is bad. I’m going mention I work retail and don’t have a car in my ads. I’ve wasted weeks with women talking only to have them end it when they find out, so seems better to mention it right away and avoid wasting my time and emotions.


The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It is about prestige.


I do the opposite, i wrap myself in deal breakers. On the dates I've had, i actually wear common clothes like a hoodie and some old jeans, i do tell i have no car and i work with something other than i do. If they blow that off and judge me because of the way i look, i don't care.

Why? Financially, i'm rather ok, in fact better than most others - if i wanted a car, i could go and buy one on a lunch break (excluding the drivers license, which takes longer). But i live in a city with very well organised public transportation and i like to walk. I'm not looking for a gold-digger, if i'm gonna meet someone, it's gonna be for love and not for the size of my wallet.


I can understand not wearing a Rolex or w/e sign of wealth, but to intentionally dress down and lie about your occupation.. that's odd. I get your intent, but why would you think that almost any girl is going to just fall in love with your smile despite your "lowly job & income?" :? That's just weird to go to those lengths to conceal a stable financial life because you think it'll attract a more genuine lover. IMO all you're doing is presenting turnoffs to your dates so it's no surprise they're turned off.


I have thought about how I might deal with dates if I have increased financial means in the future. I think my thought process would probably go something like this "Yep, I can afford these things & this date. We can hookup and have fun, sure, but I'd have to REALLY like someone to consider dating them (just as always) and if someone seems more interested in my money than me, well, that's a non-starter so w/e I'll just have my hookup fun and that's the end of that." and then maaaaaybe I end up remaining single forever because of it lol but so what? At that point I'll be old and otherwise unattractive and only getting those dates/hookups because I can pick said young thing up in a fancy car and go for an expensive meal & VIP bottle service at a club. Wouldn't exactly be such a terrible life, really.. big bank account and young dates forever.. Oh, boo hoo.. woe is me. :lol: Now, I suppose if one were NT and truly longed for companionship it might be a bigger issue, but for me? I don't think it'd be such a burden to bear.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


Ichinin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.

17 Feb 2018, 4:44 am

goldfish21 wrote:
I can understand not wearing a Rolex or w/e sign of wealth, but to intentionally dress down and lie about your occupation.. that's odd. I get your intent, but why would you think that almost any girl is going to just fall in love with your smile despite your "lowly job & income?" :? That's just weird to go to those lengths to conceal a stable financial life because you think it'll attract a more genuine lover. IMO all you're doing is presenting turnoffs to your dates so it's no surprise they're turned off.


1. Where i live if you move in together and even if not married, you have to split ownership of properties if you break up, weird law of co-living (a.k.a. sambolagen) that is supposed to protect the weaker individual. Even if she cannot pay for the apartment, she can get a claim on it. Welcome to the beautiful world that is Sweden :P

2. I do not make myself look like a homeless person wearing plastic bags. I do not lie about my job etc, i make it sound less exciting so she would think that my income is average, i.e. instead of "i'm a network forensics guy with expensive specialist training that get to travel and live in nice hotels" i say "i work for the state". Both are true (at least for a while since i'm changing jobs to the private sector).

The idea is to present myself as a "joe average" to get rid of potential gold diggers. For me, it's "find love or die trying".


_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,872
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

17 Feb 2018, 5:52 am

Ichinin wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
I can understand not wearing a Rolex or w/e sign of wealth, but to intentionally dress down and lie about your occupation.. that's odd. I get your intent, but why would you think that almost any girl is going to just fall in love with your smile despite your "lowly job & income?" :? That's just weird to go to those lengths to conceal a stable financial life because you think it'll attract a more genuine lover. IMO all you're doing is presenting turnoffs to your dates so it's no surprise they're turned off.


1. Where i live if you move in together and even if not married, you have to split ownership of properties if you break up, weird law of co-living (a.k.a. sambolagen) that is supposed to protect the weaker individual. Even if she cannot pay for the apartment, she can get a claim on it. Welcome to the beautiful world that is Sweden :P




What??

I am sure then many women in your country only live via dating and breaking up. It's more lucrative than any job.



Ichinin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.

17 Feb 2018, 6:54 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

What??

I am sure then many women in your country only live via dating and breaking up. It's more lucrative than any job.


Hence, gold diggers. I'm not letting anyone move in before i'm 110% sure it is for love.


_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,872
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

17 Feb 2018, 1:39 pm

Ichinin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

What??

I am sure then many women in your country only live via dating and breaking up. It's more lucrative than any job.


Hence, gold diggers. I'm not letting anyone move in before i'm 110% sure it is for love.



It would be better if each lives in their own house.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,872
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

17 Feb 2018, 1:57 pm

Ichinin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

What??

I am sure then many women in your country only live via dating and breaking up. It's more lucrative than any job.


Hence, gold diggers. I'm not letting anyone move in before i'm 110% sure it is for love.



I am curious though, is the scenario I am imagining is common:
An attractive female who makes a male fall for for her, she moves in his house whom he owns, and after few months she breaks up and takes half of his proprety??

So he has to sell the house and gives her half of its value? Or he just gives her the value as amount of money?

Is this how it happens? Is it common?



Ichinin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.

17 Feb 2018, 3:14 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It would be better if each lives in their own house.


Well, Sambo (live-in-with) relation is only half as common now as it was earlier, Särbo (live-away-from) relation.


The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
An attractive female who makes a male fall for for her, she moves in his house whom he owns, and after few months she breaks up and takes half of his proprety??

So he has to sell the house and gives her half of its value? Or he just gives her the value as amount of money?

Is this how it happens? Is it common?


It is not unheard of. Most of the time it happens with non specific owned housing and stuff bought together, like rental apartments even if your name is clearly on the rental agreement, but it can happen with purchased property as well if both have contributed to the payments. It happens enough so one has to be weary before moving in with someone or letting someone in. Hence Särbo relations are more common.

Older couples (50+) just tend to live apart because they have done all that stuff with raising children and want some free space, but still want a relationship so they go Särbo.


_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,490
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

17 Feb 2018, 3:41 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ichinin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

What??

I am sure then many women in your country only live via dating and breaking up. It's more lucrative than any job.


Hence, gold diggers. I'm not letting anyone move in before i'm 110% sure it is for love.



I am curious though, is the scenario I am imagining is common:
An attractive female who makes a male fall for for her, she moves in his house whom he owns, and after few months she breaks up and takes half of his proprety??

So he has to sell the house and gives her half of its value? Or he just gives her the value as amount of money?

Is this how it happens? Is it common?


We have the same set of laws here in Canada. I think they vary by Province. Here in BC, if you've lived together for 2 years you're considered "common law," and essentially treated as married. The time is lesser if you have a kid together. There are many unmarried people who end up paying spousal support as well as child support - even for kids that are not biologically their own.

At least there's info online about it people can read up on before moving in together, including what type of contracts to write up between each other in order to avoid a messy situation later on if you do break up. http://blog.clicklaw.bc.ca/2016/08/10/a ... -arent-we/


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,872
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

19 Feb 2018, 3:16 pm

^ So is it a common thing in canada for women to make wealth out of this by luring guys intoa move-in relationship then dumping them?



AnneOleson
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 May 2016
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,824
Location: Coventry

19 Feb 2018, 8:53 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ So is it a common thing in canada for women to make wealth out of this by luring guys intoa move-in relationship then dumping them?

Spousal support is not common any more, unless you are very, very rich. The average person is expected to take care of themselves. A divorced couple should share the responsibility and expense of raising their children. If one of the parents had stayed at home to care for the children (and the marriage home) the ex-spouse might have to pay spousal support while the stay at home parent updates their education, but that is not really common anymore either.

Common-law support usually depends on how long together and the persons role in the relationship. In the province of Quebec, the common law spouse is not entitled to support l believe.