Terrible week so far...

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Thank you. I graduated two years ago, so unless I decide to go to grad school, regular schooling is finished for me. Doesn't mean stressful days or periods of time are no longer a problem.



I took about three years to finish community college, and after a while most of the people I had come to know well who were in my major reduced because they moved on. So even I felt ready to move on from community college. Again, it is something one has to power through to the end.



I have found that sometimes the most hopeless seeming of situations can end up being the biggest motivators.



Is their any way you can present feedback to them? If they know what's good for them, they should listen to constructive criticism that they get so they can improve themselves. Feedback can be the incredibly valuable to an organization (or anyone really) to better themselves, but someone actually has to leave feedback for them.



Ah, I see. My apologies. Nonetheless, as someone who is prone to getting dehydrated relatively easily, make an effort to drink some kind of fluid. Dehydration has sent me to the hospital before. Believe me, you don't want that.


Has your week improved at all? I hope that anything I have said has been helpful to you in some way.

Just a quick recap of things so far:

after managing to take care of things like working and food shopping and the like, along with the snowstorm that hit us pretty hard up here, I managed to bring my algebra grade up so it looks like I'm in good standing so far. Given how I'm halfway through the semester right now, there are still some things I need to take care of such as the housing deposit, working over the spring break (the spring break here isn't the same as everywhere else, as it is one week only for this week compared to the average two weeks in april, which I think makes more sense), taking care of possible loans or aid over the summer course to take my college algebra and pre-calc classes (though I feel like I'm digging my own grave and my parents' by having more loans coming through. I thought about paying the deposit myself but my mom said that it was already paid with loans), calling some retail stores to see if they could hire me over the summer break, so that half of the money I earn can go through tuition, with part of it for myself/food and savings. Once all of that is settled, I can complete my transfer to engineering in the fall and (hopefully) manage to make it to the president's list next semester, so that way I can compete in getting into more tougher colleges as well as go back in business with taking the SAT and ACT. The school I hope to go to is Cal Poly (San Luis, Obispo, not Pomona), which is in California. But the reason why I want to transfer there is that it has a solid ROI (64 for out-of-state out of a 1000 possible schools). Hopefully, I can do well enough to get there, but things are looking a little tougher with getting involved, as things are not going as they seem with clubs per se.

The History club has practically no members, as those who've signed up just haven't showed up at all. My Spanish professor says that "students can be completely unreliable sometimes", which is without a doubt true, unfortunately. The Student Government is doing a terrible job at...well...doing anything to make the college better for itself. For example, if I say that maintenance needs to have better vehicles suited for taking down broken trees or appliances, the advisor and or president are just going to say "yeah, well the problem is that we don't have any money for it" and some other nonsense. Or if I say that spring break needs to be moved to april in accordance with Easter, then they'll say some other dumb jargon as to why they can't do it.

Most of the Peer Tutor club is graduating soon, anyways, so it'll just be me, but regardless, I'm not generally the type of person to lead unless if necessary. I'm generally not a good role model or leader either, so I'm better off working behind the scenes. Once this semester ends, I'm dropping the student government club and plan to attend Phi Theta Kappa, which is the community college equivalent to an honor society (once I have my grades up, that is). The subjects that I hope to tutor are:

Intermediate algebra
College algebra
Pre-calc
Calc I-III
Spanish
Microeconomics
Modern and Early Western Civilizations
General Chemistry and or Chemistry I (depending on my science requirement)
Physics
College Writing
etc.

I feel guilty, however, with the money and college and family in-between. Nobody seems to love or care for me. But then again, it's not like I can be friends with anybody in college that easily. Though it is tough to talk about stuff like this given how one-sided the topic can be. The solution for this would just be to try or work harder to find the people you're interested with, or just be more open-minded. But no, it doesn't just work that way, especially for me.

Nobody expects anyone to be perfect, but if people will go so far to not even give a care to one another, even if they're not friends, then that's pushing. But who am I to judge based on other people's feelings? I guess that the issue resulted from just not having anybody for so long. And people who seem to be religious or just complete doormats just get to me. Although this isn't the most obvious case, one example would be an acquaintance named (of whom I will go by for the remainder of this post) Quentin. Quentin, who is also the president of the history club, is also a member of the criminal justice and campus christian fellowship, and has been my acquaintance for the remainder that I've been here so far. He has his own car and lives off-campus, but sometimes goes a little too far with the government pandering everybody and going so far to give me constant financial advice, which, I appreciate, but can't help but feel that he's being overly kind by offering me to take me to the movies, which I dread now because all of the movies today just suck. All the movies today are complete bollocks, with dozens of movies being sequels, reboots, or the dreadful superhero movies which have infested the market.

The problem with Quentin is that after my exposure to people not giving a damn about me or anyone but themselves in a college setting, I matured from getting overly emotional or sentimental from people not caring for me, though this doesn't mean that I don't want someone to yearn and care for me, and that his outlook on life does not fit or match well with mine. In fact, so many of the students here, especially in Upstate NY, don't share the same mindset as I do, though maybe I'm exaggerating it.

But then again, who wouldn't have angst or anxiety if their lives did not go through the same cookie cutter mold that everyone would want them too? I shouldn't worry about that too much, anyways, or else I'll be contradicting myself. But all this stress of family and school and loans really gets to me. I guess that's why high schoolers should know that the loans are what they'll be dealing with for a potential quarter of their life if they don't get their act straight.

I know people say it'll get better, but that's only due to people's perceptive attitude that things well get better in the end. and maybe, it will, someday. I just hope I can find people like me. But of all things, why Cal Poly? Well, it's a small school with a very good ROI like I said and a solid engineering program. Not as loan heavy as other schools either and is generally regarded as a well rounded school. Getting there from New York will be difficult, but at least there's the train, which takes 3 days, but is cheaper nonetheless. I might as well have to stock up on books and snacks too when I get the chance for every trip. Plus, I'll only be there for 2 years given the transfer so hopefully things will be alright. I just wish I can manage to find people like me. But what if I'm too...nerdy or goth?? I don't care what I am or what people think of me, though, but what if I'm seen as pretentious or edgy because of my outlook on life?

Still, and I don't care for any personality indicators (save for MBTI, to a extent; don't care about it, but still remains credible for some parts), but it would be nice to have a girlfriend like myself. Preferably goth or dark, so to speak.