"You need to get your head out of your ass!"

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Before an ex-friend cut me out of her life, she told me I needed to "get your (mine) head out of your ass". This was someone who had Aspergers as well.

Unfortunately, whenever someone gives me advice that runs along the lines of trying to see the bigger picture (Something I still don't quite understand) or not to dwell on my struggles, the aforementioned words will come to my mind. I don't want to give her any credit or feel like she had a point. This person tried to tell me if she could succeed, so could I but what she didn't take into account is that she became a manager at Planet Fitness after only being there for a week while I've grinded out at the public library in my area for nearly 12 years but have never received a promotion or higher pay and she can easily get a date on a dating website due to the skewed gender ratio while I have to binge message like crazy and hope for the best.

Anytime I heard this stupid, useless advice I usually commented that if they are willing to come up with a solid, constructive, realistic plan I am willing to follow it to the letter: not once did anybody take me up on that. My ex friend's favorite phrase was "it's all in your attitude". Yes, the only reason he found a job out of college was his positive attitude and not the fact he had everything in life handed to him on a silver platter. I went into my job search with a VERY positive attitude but after about a hundred rejections with not one good explanation I did what any rational human would do and get very discouraged. I consider this advice/statement to be the equivalent of telling someone in sub-Sahara Africa to move to my now home province since I successfully did it too.

Yep just like I use to be very positive about dating etc. heck when I was 18 I’d thought I’d be married with kids by 25. Postive thinking doesn’t do anything if you don’t have luck or skill to back it up.

Postive thinking idea remeinds me of those commercials. How long have you been a pilot. Oh I’m not a pilot but I did stay at a holiday in last night.

When people are naturally good at something they tend to forget that those things actually require skills to achieve(and a bit of luck). I was that way with math sometimes, I wondered how I could do these equations yet others couldn't, as I grew older and observed it wasn't that they weren't trying and being lazy, it was that they weren't born with a natural skill in math. That concept is much harder to understand than you would think!

Marknis next time someone tells you to "get your head out of your ass!" tell them to stop talking out of theirs. That kind of language is uncalled for and unneccessary.

Thank you, AquaineBay. This person had no business judging me. You'd think she would be more understanding living in the Bible Belt herself but unfortunately, even marginalized people can be jerks.

People tend to get promoted faster in places that have high turnover rates. I know someone who very quickly found themselves in the most senior non-executive position in a company because everyone else had left and those coming in below him didn't have any experience.

Agree with AquaineBay. It's strange but many people just ignore Luck in the whole process of getting ahead or hold onto a ridiculous we have a system of pure Meritocracy.

I mean certainly a person can be hard working or trying to be positive, but that is so you're ready when luck brings you opportunities.

I also work in a predominantly female environment so I wonder if they are expecting me to behave more loud and assertive despite how they've known me for a very long time now. I know that some held subtle resentment for me because they learned that both my parents are doctors and they thought I was a "rich kid" despite how that isn't true at all.

The same ex-friend told me my job was supposed to be the place to start for socializing. That is something I don't get at all. For the most part when people come in here, they just find a place to sit and stare into their cellphones with a "Don't come near me" aura about them.

I think the positive attitude mentality is something that a person says when they don't want to be honest on how they really got their job/marriage/friendships/etc. Most people don't become very successful moneywise without someone else giving them aid, to be honest. Plenty of my classmates from high school, for example, have very high caliber careers. BUT, they had:

Teachers and schools that were sympathetic to them and gave them lots of help and aid (at the expense of other students).

Relatives who owned the stores, clinics and factories they got their jobs at.

Employers and managers who played favorites with them.

Organizations in the community that gave them financial aid, scholarships, networking opportunities, etc.

Sure, they work at jobs much better than the ones I've worked at. But are they self made? Not even close. For every 100 wealthy people who say they are self made, maybe one of them actually is if you are talking about millionaires. If a billionaire tells me that he or she is self-made, that's them talking out THEIR ass. How do I know? I went to school with these kinds of people and dealt with them on a regular basis. They aren't the superhuman people they make themselves out to be!

The problem is even with manifesting it doesn't just require positivity. They say that you have to live it like it ALREADY happened. The majority of people are not able to think that way because we know the reality is it hasn't yet.
Also while I'm pretty pessimistic when it comes to myself I do believe that reality is what you want it to be. However in order to accomplish it it requires more than just wanting it and sometimes more than taking normal steps. There are certain situations where the result of getting what you want requires a lot of brain power. You have to live it breathe it..if one shred of doubt escapes your head there's a huge chance of not getting it.
I'm sure that manifesting is real but it's complicated. The conundrum I have with it is you also have to take steps to accomplish your goal but if you're taking steps then you're not living it like it already happened.

This ex-friend didn't factor in that in this culture we both live in, men are expected to "suck it up" and grind endlessly to get jobs while women don't necessarily have to worry about that.

Well if it makes you feel better it took this woman 6 years out of college to get a job at all.
I still got told by many to suck it up at the time. I even had a coach who was like "everyone has problems" She was very condescending.

That sucks. How did you persist for so long? I honestly sometimes feel like I should've just killed myself long ago because I've struggled to get a girlfriend for so long. I feel like if I go through the day without achieving my dreams, I have failed and should just destroy my brain.

I don't believe in the power of "positive thinking." I believe much of it is pure garbage.

I believe in the power of "real thinking."

"Real thinking" tells me that Marknis can definitely be more successful than he is now.

You are giving me flashbacks to the horrible job coaches I had. It quickly became apparent that they are only there for unemployed people to get employed in any capacity to get them off the books. I would hear lots of stupid things like "you are lucky to have a job at all" when I was still working a minimum wage job three years after graduating. I also had a tenured professor tell me that "everybody" goes years without a job and there is no such thing as job security. I can't believe he of all people could say that with a straight face and not see the hypocrisy. People were quick to judge me on my "laziness" but not one person every offered me even a weekend job so I could get some experience and momentum.

I have never met anyone under 40 who didn't get help to get where they are today: either from their parent getting them a job, having friends in the right places or rich relatives that allow them to cut the line. I don't understand why so many people refuse to admit they are not self-made and much of their success is based on luck: I have no problem admitting the only reason I own a house is thanks to Mrs GHF and her years of sacrifice.


Somewhat OT, but there is a local facebook group that talks about business openings and closings in Canada. One story was about a young entrepreneur with zero experience in foodservice not only opening a bar but 5 (yes, FIVE of the same) franchise restaurants in a small, saturated market with a dwindling population and crashing economy. In case you are wondering how he got the $$$, he won the lottery as no sane banker would obviously touch that one. I said publicly the guy was a moron and was berated repeatedly for my "negative thinking" and how he is a bright, positive thinker with a clear vision.

He didn't even last long enough to open the last three and only was in business for about 3 months. He complained about how his workers left constantly for better jobs and how he has to work 12 hours a day. There's positive thinking and there's delusional thinking to believe you can success in an industry with a sky high failure rate with zero experience or knowledge.

Update: I just read today that ANOTHER entrepreneur who freely admits she has literally has zero experience whatsoever (trust fund kid?) is opening a location of that same franchise in another city. I was reading the interview she gave about why she chose the location and I have to resist saying something really nasty about her. It literally sounds like a 12 year old's logic. I give it 6 weeks.

Amen to that. Kraftie... you've come up with the goods... again.

I've been fed that positive mental attitude stuff and it's pure BS. You can only make the best of the mental apparatus you already have... and some days are better than others.

People have said to me: "if I were you I would do xxxx"
No you wouldn't... if you were me you'd do what I'd do... because you'd be me.

Marknis... I can't say much to help you... if I come up with a brilliant idea I'll let you know. In the meantime I wish you all the best and hope you get the hell out of the bible belt.