Different behave to me and to other women

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For a long time, I notice the differences how men behave to me and how they behave to other women. When my colleague has some problem, someone will always help her. When I have some problem, nobody is trying to help me, often I have to solve it alone.

Recently I reported some problem to our administrators. One from them answered me, how he solved similar problem. They set up something wrong, I didn't have any informations about it. I became error message and according to him I should fix it. When my boss read it, he wrote him that it is their job. When my colleague has some problem, he come to us and speak with her about the problem and he tries to solve it.

Now it is better, but my boss behaved to me too different than to her. He informed her about our project, invited her on meetings, spoke with her. If he needed know something, he asked her and not me. He avoided me. But he had to know that she have to ask me.

In my previous job I noticed similar that men behave different to me and to other women. I don't like this. I don't understand why, what I do wrong. Has someone similar problem?

I'm sorry this is your experience. I have had similar experiences, although not so much in the work setting. Someone once told me that people gravitate towards people that make them feel better about themselves, and lots of neurotypical women seem to have that skill (although maybe only to other neurotypicals!), but I definitely don't have it. It's not that I don't want to, but I'm not very fluent in this skill. Is it possible that they're helping other people as much out of some kind of patronising self interest as genuine care?

Is it possible that they sometimes don't know you're having trouble, or not how much? I know you said you have alerted them to it recently, but if up until now they've thought you're not having any issues, they might not realise which information isn't getting to you. I've realised only since I have been diagnosed (my husband told me) that I often think other people know when I'm struggling but my feelings are much less transparent than I imagine.

I know for myself, people have often thought I'm arrogant and self assured (especially when I was younger), even though the very opposite is true, because I'm focused and driven and have had to learn to phrase my thoughts in less direct ways.