I wonder if anyone had socializing as a special interest...

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... And how that would turn out? I don't really have strong special interests anymore, but I was thinking about this. Do you think some "types" learn and blend in a little more easily?

I did! And still do. From around age 10 through now I was obsesssed with learning to socialize. I was undiagnosed until I self-diagnosesd at age 20, but the overall interest and trajectory stayed the same.

What specifically do you mean by "type"? It might be hard to say what my type is, or what I would be like if this hadn't been such a focus, but it's an interesting thing to think about and I'd like to try and answer your question.

While social skills, tactics, and understanding have certainly been an obsessive focus for me, it's hard to separate my motivation in learning people and social skills between trying to meet my own needs and being fascinated by the subject. But by now (age 33) I have shed a lot of the learned behaviors I used to rely to get by (and trt to just let myself be myself) yet I will talk about this stuff for hours given the chance (which I rarely have with people, so mostly I just write about it).

I feel it is the perfect special interest in many ways. I get frusterated with special interests when I can't keep finding oppprtunities to take them further and deeper. But the subject of socializing has great depth and breadth, there are opportunities to read about it and practice it for as much time as you are able to give, and it is useful in almost every part of life.

Also, the better you understand the workings of socializing, the easier it is to accept your own mistakes and weaknesses.... and the more you see what's actually going on in social situations, the more clear it gets that everyone else is making mistakes too and are more messed up than you are The ways most NTs socialize is pretty messed up and sloppy, they just generally don't know any better and don't care

Not sure if this answers your question exactly, but I hope I can offer insight!

I'm wondering if people who take a strong interest in things like social skills, cultures, or acting wind up faring better socially than someone who prefers computers, animals, etc.



I agree -- it's a pretty broad subject. I read about it myself, but not to the point I would consider it a hobby, let alone a special interest. Interesting insight, so thank you.

That's a fascinating question for me. Because in the long run, I have certainly been able to get by better in relationships and jobs and get invited to social events, made "friends" of all sorts and levels. But at the end of the day, there was a lot of acting and being social for the sake of being social, making friends because I desparately wanted to have a social life. And now after a couple of decades of that, I'm trying to sort out what I really want in life from what I don't, and it turns out that the things I really care about in life aren't fitting in with friends and having a social life and having people consider me cool.

But it has turned out that I really am fascinated by is socializing And it is very useful in life to be able to call on these tools and better understand interactions and NT behavior in your life.

I can usually do pretty well in common socializing (small talk, social gatherings) but don't care for it, because I want to have my own purpose in interactions (such as helping someone or workong through an interesting problem) and most casual NT socializing is done for competitive social standing or for NT to define themselves or align with a certain culture.

I do often wonder what I've missed out on in life by obsessing over socializing my whole life when I could have cared about myself and my own values and interests.

I guess my take would be that obsessing over social skills CAN get you somewhere but you've got to be careful with it. There don't seem to be a lot a lot of good resources for AS folks to learn this stuff, and you have to sort through mountains of completely useless material to find anything good. And while some of it is about better understanding human psychology, a lot of other stuff is just acting, and if you're not careful and keeping aware that it's acting and portraying a false self, it can be very corrosive to your sense of self.

If you ever want to dig into this subject more, I'd highly recommend A Field Guide to Earthlings by Ian Ford. It's not so much about techniques and strategies but gets very into NT social behavioral and thought processes, from an aspie perspective.

Or message me and I'll talk your ear off LOL

Oh yeah. Many if not most pick up artist/player types were socially awkward nerds who learned to get better at talking to women.

I have never met an aspie who was obsessed with socialization for the sake of it and not just used as a tool to get what they want out of life (fulfilling job, hot girlfriend, friends, etc) but I have met autistic bodybuilders who did ok if they had passable social skills due to the halo effect.