My struggle in getting a diagnosis

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I was evaluated for ASD last summer and I "did not meet criteria for Autistic Spectrum Disorder." However I do not believe the evaluation was thorough enough. My mother and I did not fully disclose my childhood history.

When I was a little kid I did not like fireworks. My neighbors would set them off on my block and I was extremely afraid of them. I believe this was because I'm startled by sudden loud noises which I know is extremely common for people on the spectrum and at a block party I went to a few months ago with my girlfriend I had the same problem. We were making out in her backyard and her neighbors were setting off fireworks and I was jumping as we were kissing. I made an excuse that I wanted to see the fireworks and the noise wasn't bad at all when I was watching the fireworks being set off. I think this is due to my Aspergers nature of wanting to be in control over stimuli.

Fast forward to junior high school and my social difficulties started. I was constantly getting into fights with my classmates because I felt that it would help me to fit in. Kids would tell me to fight people and I would do it even if I had no reason to. I think this was a form of bullying because I don't think I truly understood why someone would fight somebody. My "friends" even convinced me to jump in a disgusting lake. I was desperate to fit in.

I did not have many friends my own age. The people I stayed with were older kids that I met at an arcade. My favorite game was Dance Dance Revolution and I was great at it and my psychiatrist at the time suggested that I had Aspergers. She compared me to Napoleon Dynamite because he expressed himself through dancing and I believe that's what I was doing with this game. I never liked sports (until now) and always bonded with kids through video games. Unfortunately my parents did not pursue an evaluation.

In high school my DDR friends got into drugs. I became addicted to marijuana and I believe that smoking marijuana was yet another way to fit in and be cool and I was still not bonding with my peers. Even my older "friends" bullied and teased me. They would make fun of me for having a dazed look and talking like a rapper. I ended up getting into fights with them as well. Eventually the crowd I stayed with got me in trouble because they were very into drugs. I've been arrested several times.

And here I am now. I'm 26 years old living with my parents and I have no friends and no job. I go to school but I'm very far from a degree. My "college years" were spent living in a fantasy world thinking I was going to become a famous actor while I spent my weekends going to the beach with my dad and little brothers. I appear "normal" and I did not reveal all of my quirks in this post. I appreciate any questions anybody on this forum has and I appreciate any suggestions on how to get a diagnosis with subtle symptoms.

The description you give certainly sounds consistent with the possibility of ASD, but then I'm no psychologist.

What do you mean "Did not fully disclose your childhood history"? Do you mean your mother and you weren't asked at all? Or do you mean you were holding things back?

I was holding things back. That's why I'm going to get reevaluated in August. I have no doubts at all that I am Aspergers. After I saw Austin Powers Goldmember I said that Austin Powers had a different "feminine" partner in the other movies. I think the fact that I remember all of these little details of my childhood says it. I remember hanging out with this strange kid in recess while the other kids played together. I ran around taking pictures of all my classmates at a field trip while they all played together. Aspergers has ruined my life because I've wanted to be neurotypical since junior high school and I did not get the evaluation and treatment for it as an adolescent.

My girlfriend is gone because of my difficulties with socializing and relationships. I only dated her for 4 months and that's the longest relationship I've ever had. Aspergers and bipolar has ruined my life. All I wanna do now is make myself useful in some sort of career and be a part of the autism community. I know that I will not be the neurotypical I always dreamed of being and I finally realize now that my Aspergers is why I tried so hard to fit in. I just didn't for biological reasons. Sometimes I feel like I'm a neurotypical trapped in an Asperger mind but that's pointless to think because it is what it is.

Any opinions?

Why is nobody answering me?

I think the reason you haven't gotten answers is largely because there isn't a lot to answer in your posts.

It does sound like you've had a hard life, and from your descriptions, it does seem like a large part of that reason could be because of ASD / Asperger's. That said, none of us here can diagnose you.

I understand that you've already had a psychologist say you don't meet the criteria for ASD, but that you and your mother were both holding stuff back during the assessment. You said you're going for another assessment in August, which seems like a reasonable idea. The only suggestion I can make there is to be completely honest and don't hold anything back. If the assessment still comes back saying you don't have ASD, it might be worth asking whether you have anything else.

Have you tried the AQ (Autism Quotient) test? You can find it here:
https://psychology-tools.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/

On this test, a score of 26-31 is a borderline result, and 32+ indicates probable ASD. But again, it's not a diagnosis, and what a psychologist says is probably more accurate than any online screening tool.

I truly do hope things go well for you.

okay well sometimes it takes more than just having traits to get diagnosed. its because the traits have to be considered a debilitating factor in your life. like, sensory sensitivities.

if you ask anyone, most people will say they dont like loud sudden sounds, thats why horror movies use them during jump scares, which autism its usually a little more than that. if you are not able to walk down the street without breaking down due to the sound of the cars going by or not being able to go anywhere with off lighting ( too bright or too dim), maybe your diet is affected, maybe you ONLY eat white rice because everything else makes you gag. these are somewhat severe but these are what psychologists look for.

are you sure theres nothing else that would better explain your traits and difficulties? sometimes a full screening of most psychiatric disorders can help narrow it down.