Youngest age to date with a girl?

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kraftiekortie
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20 Feb 2018, 10:35 pm

My mind was programmed differently. When I was 16, I really got into the "Summer of '42" because there was an older woman in it who dug a kid of about that age.

I liked women in my own age group when I was 18-21---but I liked older women better.

I'm 57. I can still find a woman 10 years older attractive. I can also find a woman 20 years or more younger than I am attractive.

I'm actually not as keen on college-age girls as I am keen on older women.



RetroGamer87
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20 Feb 2018, 10:53 pm

Chronos wrote:
A word of advice to those of you men who wish to date girls and women between 18 and 21. Men are genetically programmed to find this age group physically attractive

That would explain why it often seems as though there are far fewer women than men in the dating game, even though we know that men and women exist in roughly equal numbers.

The reason why men have to be so competitive, is because men aged 18 - 48 are competing for women aged 18 - 21. There are tenfold as many men in the aforementioned group, so to win you must be one man in ten.


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Chronos
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20 Feb 2018, 10:55 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
My mind was programmed differently. When I was 16, I really got into the "Summer of '42" because there was an older woman in it who dug a kid of about that age.

I like women in my own age group when I was 18-21---but I liked older women better.


It's not unusual for teenaged males to find older women attractive. I think this has to do with the fact that older women are definitively developed sexually. But their attraction often does not age with them and they eventually exceed the age of women to which they are attracted. I am speaking purely of physical attraction. Of course both men and women consider other things when it comes to relationships, like social acceptability, practicality, place in life, and life goals.



AngelRho
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20 Feb 2018, 10:59 pm

Chronos wrote:
A word of advice to those of you men who wish to date girls and women between 18 and 21. Men are genetically programmed to find this age group physically attractive, and you don't need to provide any justification for your tastes. In fact, personally, I think it's best not to. No one needs to know your reasons, and stating them often makes you less attractive.

I think you’re on to something. It seems to me that women tend to prefer older men—older than them, anyway. But it also seems to me that there’s a bit of a margin of about 5 years give or take when relationships are longer-lived. There are plenty of exceptions, of course, but down here amongst us mere mortals it seems the closer in age the stronger the relationship.

Older men are better equipped to please and care for younger women. I don’t object to old/young pairings. I’d just be careful about my intentions for pursuing younger women. I’d also be concerned about whether a young woman’s interested are well-matched with my own. She may want a certain level of commitment without the pressure of running a household and caring for children while she’s young. She might even be fickle. It’s easier to find that kind of woman than to find the settling-down type. Within 5 years of your own age will help ensure a best match for the long-term.

Otherwise, you’re looking a lot of first dates. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It just might not be what you want.



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20 Feb 2018, 11:05 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
A word of advice to those of you men who wish to date girls and women between 18 and 21. Men are genetically programmed to find this age group physically attractive

That would explain why it often seems as though there are far fewer women than men in the dating game, even though we know that men and women exist in roughly equal numbers.

The reason why men have to be so competitive, is because men aged 18 - 48 are competing for women aged 18 - 21. There are tenfold as many men in the aforementioned group, so to win you must be one man in ten.


Well most men in their 30s, 40s, 50s, etc, aren't going to limit themselves to women between 18 and 21 even if they would ideally like a woman who looks to be between 18 and 21, because of the reasons I previously stated. But there is a lot of competition for women in that age range.

If an older man would really only be happy with such a young woman and can accept nothing else then I suppose he has nothing to lose by pursing those girls, however if it is more important to him to find a life companion and have a family, then a man in his 30s would likely be more successful if he looked closer to his age. God forbid he ends up as one of those old men who are so desperate to get a young woman that he falls for one of those Russian dating scams.



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20 Feb 2018, 11:12 pm

AngelRho wrote:
Chronos wrote:
A word of advice to those of you men who wish to date girls and women between 18 and 21. Men are genetically programmed to find this age group physically attractive, and you don't need to provide any justification for your tastes. In fact, personally, I think it's best not to. No one needs to know your reasons, and stating them often makes you less attractive.

I think you’re on to something. It seems to me that women tend to prefer older men—older than them, anyway. But it also seems to me that there’s a bit of a margin of about 5 years give or take when relationships are longer-lived. There are plenty of exceptions, of course, but down here amongst us mere mortals it seems the closer in age the stronger the relationship.

Older men are better equipped to please and care for younger women. I don’t object to old/young pairings. I’d just be careful about my intentions for pursuing younger women. I’d also be concerned about whether a young woman’s interested are well-matched with my own. She may want a certain level of commitment without the pressure of running a household and caring for children while she’s young. She might even be fickle. It’s easier to find that kind of woman than to find the settling-down type. Within 5 years of your own age will help ensure a best match for the long-term.

Otherwise, you’re looking a lot of first dates. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It just might not be what you want.


Most girls and women don't mind boys and men a little older but there is a limit. However they tend to dislike immaturity even if they are immature themselves. So if you are an older man and your reason for wanting to date a younger woman is that you are immature, that really isn't going to make her swoon over you. It's probably going to put her off.

Additionally, at 18, 19, and even 20, even though they are legal adults, many girls, if they are not living with a boyfriend, are still under their parent's roof, literally or figuratively, and her parents might disapprove of her dating a man in his 30s.

Last, many primates go through a "second puberty" and humans are no exception, though it's more subtle. Sometime in the mid to late 20s, the bone structure, particularly in the face, matures. When I was in my late teens and very early 20s, I saw men older than 24 more on par with my dad than someone I would date. Certainly not all girls in that age range do. I'm merely trying to give the OP an idea of how he might be viewed.



RetroGamer87
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20 Feb 2018, 11:31 pm

Chronos wrote:
If an older man would really only be happy with such a young woman and can accept nothing else then I suppose he has nothing to lose by pursing those girls, however if it is more important to him to find a life companion and have a family, then a man in his 30s would likely be more successful if he looked closer to his age.
Perhaps but suppose the man in his 30s plans to start a family 10 or 15 years from now. A woman now in her 30s might not be capable of bearing children after that time has elapsed.

Of course this man is not hypothetical. I am speaking of myself. If I ever want to have kids (and that's a big if because I'm reluctant to have kids at all) I would rather have kids well into my 40s. If I meet my SO tomorrow and she's 20, then she'll be. Fertile for a long while after my 40th or 45th birthday.

Another difference in the younger woman is that she herself may not want to have children immediately. I've observed that many (not all) 20 year old women see children as a distant goal. I've also observed my aunt, then 35 saying that she must have her first child immediately due to her age.

In other words a 20 year old woman might be more comfortable with the idea of waiting than a 35 year old woman.

Of course this would all be irrelevant if I chose not to have kids at any age, except for one thing. SO might want kids even if I don't and it would be wrong to force her to remain childless against her will.

If for this reason I'm morally obligated to have kids, even against my will then I would prefer it to be with a 20 year old who is comfortable with waiting than a 35 year old who is not.

As you said, men are genetically programmed to find 18 - 21 year olds most attractive. I think the reason for this is because those young women have the most years of fertility remaining and this could play on a man's instincts even if he doesn't want children. 


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20 Feb 2018, 11:40 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
If an older man would really only be happy with such a young woman and can accept nothing else then I suppose he has nothing to lose by pursing those girls, however if it is more important to him to find a life companion and have a family, then a man in his 30s would likely be more successful if he looked closer to his age.
Perhaps but suppose the man in his 30s plans to start a family 10 or 15 years from now. A woman now in her 30s might not be capable of bearing children after that time has elapsed.

Of course this man is not hypothetical. I am speaking of myself. If I ever want to have kids (and that's a big if because I'm reluctant to have kids at all) I would rather have kids well into my 40s. If I meet my SO tomorrow and she's 20, then she'll be. Fertile for a long while after my 40th or 45th birthday.

Another difference in the younger woman is that she herself may not want to have children immediately. I've observed that many (not all) 20 year old women see children as a distant goal. I've also observed my aunt, then 35 saying that she must have her first child immediately due to her age.

In other words a 20 year old woman might be more comfortable with the idea of waiting than a 35 year old woman.

Of course this would all be irrelevant if I chose not to have kids at any age, except for one thing. SO might want kids even if I don't and it would be wrong to force her to remain childless against her will.

If for this reason I'm morally obligated to have kids, even against my will then I would prefer it to be with a 20 year old who is comfortable with waiting than a 35 year old who is not.

As you said, men are genetically programmed to find 18 - 21 year olds most attractive. I think the reason for this is because those young women have the most years of fertility remaining and this could play on a man's instincts even if he doesn't want children. 


Most women can naturally have children up to about 45. If you were 30 and wanted to wait 15 years to start a family, you would indeed likely need a younger woman. But it's doubtful a 20 year old woman will stick around that long.

If you are a 45 year old man who wants a family, you would have your best luck looking for a woman 30-40 who also wants a family.



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21 Feb 2018, 4:09 am

I was more interested in younger women when I was single for at least a few reasons. The older women were more likely to want a guy who has his $hit together in life & I defiantly do not partly cuz of disabilities besides Aspergers. I also like being supportive within a realtionship & consider it one of my major realtionship strengths & younger women are more likely to want/need it. I also felt an older women or women closer to my age would end up taking on a care taking role with me & act like a mom which is fairly common for Aspie guys & NT women relationships & I did NOT want a woman who would act like a mom with me. I also find the way some immature women act very cute. I like women who are hyper & very easily confused like women with sever ADHD. I'm easily confused sometimes due to dyslexia & ADD & younger women tend to be more accepting of that. Older women are more likely to get frustrated with me & not consider my input cuz they are typically alot smarter than me.


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21 Feb 2018, 4:17 am

nick007 wrote:
I was more interested in younger women when I was single for at least a few reasons. The older women were more likely to want a guy who has his $hit together in life & I defiantly do not partly cuz of disabilities besides Aspergers. I also like being supportive within a realtionship & consider it one of my major realtionship strengths & younger women are more likely to want/need it. I also felt an older women or women closer to my age would end up taking on a care taking role with me & act like a mom which is fairly common for Aspie guys & NT women relationships & I did NOT want a woman who would act like a mom with me. I also find the way some immature women act very cute. I like women who are hyper & very easily confused like women with sever ADHD. I'm easily confused sometimes due to dyslexia & ADD & younger women tend to be more accepting of that. Older women are more likely to get frustrated with me & not consider my input cuz they are typically alot smarter than me.


I'm wiser than I was between 18 and 21 but I don't consider myself smarter.

Did you find a younger woman to date?



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21 Feb 2018, 5:31 am

Chronos wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I was more interested in younger women when I was single for at least a few reasons. The older women were more likely to want a guy who has his $hit together in life & I defiantly do not partly cuz of disabilities besides Aspergers. I also like being supportive within a realtionship & consider it one of my major realtionship strengths & younger women are more likely to want/need it. I also felt an older women or women closer to my age would end up taking on a care taking role with me & act like a mom which is fairly common for Aspie guys & NT women relationships & I did NOT want a woman who would act like a mom with me. I also find the way some immature women act very cute. I like women who are hyper & very easily confused like women with sever ADHD. I'm easily confused sometimes due to dyslexia & ADD & younger women tend to be more accepting of that. Older women are more likely to get frustrated with me & not consider my input cuz they are typically alot smarter than me.


I'm wiser than I was between 18 and 21 but I don't consider myself smarter.

Did you find a younger woman to date?
Well my 1st girlfriend was 15 when I was 20. She had a lot of the qualities in my list that I liked & didn't have a lot of the ones I didn't like. My 2nd girlfriend that I met on this forum was 19 when I was about 28 but she had a lot of the qualities I didn't want & didn't have a that many that I did from my list & we clashed a lot. My current girlfriend who I also met on here is about half a year older than me but she has a lot of the qualities I like & not that many that I don't. I guess from my experiences age isn't the main factor but it did seem more likely that I'd get what I was wanting & not get what I wasn't wanting with a younger women thou there are plenty of exceptions.


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21 Feb 2018, 6:41 am

Legally, 18 usually.

Conventional wisdom holds that the formula "(half of own age)+7" gives an approximation of what might be considered appropriate.


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21 Feb 2018, 6:58 am

As long as you're both adults, do what makes you happy and try not to hurt anyone.

I'm 18 years older than my wife, and we've been together 12 years and have two kids. When I was much younger (28), I dated a woman 14 years my senior. Do what works for you.


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21 Feb 2018, 8:21 am

I forgot to mention: getting surgery to look younger is probably a bit drastic, especially if you already look young for your age. I think most girls who are into older guys won't care if you don't have fat implanted in your face.


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21 Feb 2018, 10:30 am

SabbraCadabra wrote:
I forgot to mention: getting surgery to look younger is probably a bit drastic, especially if you already look young for your age. I think most girls who are into older guys won't care if you don't have fat implanted in your face.

Men age better than women, too. Lines in the face make you look tougher and tougher, which can be attractive. Silver hair, 5 o’clock shadow, etc., can really help you wear your age. I’ve lost over half my hair to pattern baldness, so I just break out the old clippers once a month. My wife seems more attracted to me, women do sometimes approach me, and kids seem to take me more seriously. You can be an old guy and be more attractive. You just can’t be crusty. Not facing reality and letting my hair get long and stringy from the odd patches of hair amped up the creep factor, so going short has made a huge difference.

I wouldn’t hide my age. I’m more ashamed of the long years with little to show for it than the physical changes that have happened.

Also, you continue to change even after surgery. Eventually what will happen is the parts you fix won’t match the parts you don’t, so you’re constantly getting work done. Women don’t “season” quite like men do, so you can definitely see the molten plastic look the older they get and it’s much worse than just embracing the wrinkles or, if they must, make subtle adjustments to their makeup routine. Men might (hypothetically) have an easier time fighting age, but it WILL catch up with us eventually. I think it’s best to just own it.

I’m somewhat biased towards natural looks, too. I hate makeup on women. I had a lot of work on my teeth as a kid and my fillings are breaking. So I’m gradually replacing my silver with composite. I don’t have much choice in that. Either that or my teeth fall apart. But otherwise, there’s little point in fighting it. Accept it. Take the best care of yourself that you can. Once you start getting work done, there’s no going back. When your age catches up with you, it’s gonna look straaaaaaaange.

It’s interesting. I’ve heard about more on the last few years about Hollywood types getting implants removed for one reason or another. I’m not one to say you should do one thing or another. I have my own preferences and there are always pros/cons either way. I’m just worried about how you’re going to keep up all that work as you age. Nature doesn’t seem to me to like help, and nature always wins. I’d rather be naturally ugly than artificially ugly. I guess all I can really say is do the research and stay informed.



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21 Feb 2018, 1:17 pm

AngelRho wrote:
SabbraCadabra wrote:
I forgot to mention: getting surgery to look younger is probably a bit drastic, especially if you already look young for your age. I think most girls who are into older guys won't care if you don't have fat implanted in your face.

Men age better than women, too.


Not really. At least not physically from a female perspective. While most women have no problem dating men a little older, this typically isn't significantly older, and those women who do date much older do so not typically because they find a guy 15 years older than them more physically attractive than a younger looking version of himself but because they have priorities that take precedent over youth.