Describe your autism in one word

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the one word i use to describe my autism is "Lonley"

i chose lonley because when i was a kid i was never fully introverted, people would always say "she just likes to be by herself" or "shes in her own little world" but on the inside i always just wanted to be included and acknowledged. but when i was presented with a social situation i would either mess it up or not even RECOGNIZE when a social situation was happening! apparently in my childhood my cousins would invite me into games and i would just end up wandering off or doing my own thing and not even notice i was being invited.

I feel even when i do talk to friends or family i am never really 'connecting' with people. unless of course its in the form of a special interest. i just dont care about things like small talk and i dont like cuddling but i always feel this sense of loneliness and longing for friendships. but when i am with people i feel bored, tired, uncomfortable and confused, i feel blind.

I choose 'foreboding'

I'm always worried that I won't be able to socially camouflage or imitate 'properly'. That I'll start to act extremely hyper or extremely insecure because I'm forcing myself to socialise. Then I hate myself for my faux pas, then I hate myself for putting myself in those situations, then I resent people in general for their negative characteristics that I try so hard not to confront which in turn makes me act manic or depressed.
I worry that a romantic or intimate relationship may lead to me having a meltdown of some kind, either physically or emotionally.

The feeling of foreboding stops me from doing so much.

Confining.

Trapped in a body I can't control and a mind bogged down by impairment.

Handicap

variety

odd

Wolfie

Prison.

It's a barrier to so many things for me - getting a job, driving, living on my own, speaking, having anything resembling a social life, learning anything actually useful (because I spend too much time on my obsessions instead, which aren't even remotely useful)... actually, it would probably be much shorter to list the things it doesn't negatively affect for me. I'm jealous of people for whom autism can be reasonably seen as not being a disability - for me, it absolutely is. It really does feel like I'm imprisoned by it.

1 word: tedious
2 words: bloody tedious
3 words: really bloody tedious

I would say "embarrassing."

Sometimes "sad," when I realize how much I still lack in life experience compared to others my age who have done things far longer than I have and I realize I won't catch up. I wish I had started doing everyday life things much earlier than I did, so I wouldn't have anxiety all the time. Some things that seemed impossible to imagine just five years ago are fairly routine now. I hope that I can reach other goals and have them become routine rather than anxiety-provoking. I have travel dreams but, at this point, I am sweating the details of any kind of involved travel process. I hope to change that.

I guess, then, the prevailing emotion would be "anxious."

Static

Static as in stuck or unmoving.
Static as an impediment to understanding others

Behind-as in behind in terms of life experience.

"Off".

Freedom from any form of apraxia, mental health issues, and even from external obstacles of prejudice and chaotic environment -- and it's still and always 'off'.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

anamorphosed

Exhausting

confused