Why would my family say these bad things about marriage?

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You're not brutal at all. You're actually pretty accurate.

First off, my family is very Blue Pill, which means they're naive to the realities of today's relationship between sexes at large (in the US, at least). Also, my parents' marriage was always far from happy, full of constant fighting and screaming, and never mellowed out until they were both well into old age. So "not knowing how healthy relationships work" could be accurate too.

Your comment about my marriage worthiness is interesting. When my family gave me compliments, it was always, and I mean always, about my intelligence or academics: "smart", "capable", "bright", etc. It was never about things that actually mattered among my peers and in society at large. To rub salt in the wound, my "smarts" quickly became a license for demanding nothing but utmost perfection in school, and punishing me for even a small mistake on my homework assignments.

Well, my family did compliment me on my appearance too, but I knew it didn't mean anything, because girls usually described me as "ew!". A few times, a therapist I was seeing gave me the same compliments, but they sounded so cringeworthy coming from her, I can't even find a word to describe it. Speaking of "ew!", now that I aged into my looks and got somewhat good at attracting women, most women my age are looking to get married now. And I have to work hard at keeping them out of my life, rather than bringing them into my life.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 25 Feb 2018, 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My advice to you op would be this: Buy a dog.

Like yourself, I am very red pill. Once I'm done with university and residency, I dream of buying a house, and a couple of dogs, maybe a cat too. I think between work, my pets and my creative hobbies, I'll have enough on my plate.
If you like animals, this might be a way forward for you aswell. Dogs are amazing companions, always happy to see you and very loyal.

It's your choice. If you want to stay single, nobody will force you to get married.

I'm not much into the "red pill, blue pill" rhetorics, my parents are extremely traditional yet their relationship is based on mutual respect to the point I couldn't get what feminists were talking about until I learned more about other families. They believe their success in relationship is due to their traditionalism but I'm sure it's much more about their genuine love and respect towards each other. Yes, it really happens.

Nevertheless, I agree to you that remaining single is way better than falling into a toxic relationship.

Hi Aspie1

Try a different Red Pill for just a second - I am not being snide here, just old, and sharing a perspective.

There are quite a few families in which one or both parents deliberately sabotage one child emotionally, so that child will never marry, so the parents will have a live in caregiver in their old age - or just a companion who can't leave them.

Not sure what your earning situation is, but you may want to ask yourself what your parents might gain from keeping you off the market.

Also, I'm not trying to persuade you to consider marriage or relationship. I just want you to consider the fact that marriage is not the only encumbrance you may need to concern yourself with.

I speak from direct experience here: had a parent who, in old age, tried to emotionally blackmail me into sacrificing my job and moving in with them, to be their unpaid maid-of-all-work. This, after having emotionally rejected and abused me (with emotional withholding and favoritism) for at least 20 years.

In a word, nope. I already had all the Tshirts I wanted from that.

Do give it some thought, the sanity you save may be your own.

First off, "different Red Pill" is coming off as a bit snide. But that's fine; I get it. It'd be better said if you said "try looking at it from a different angle". Otherwise, it sounds like something people in my extended family used to say. When I told them how my parents weren't giving me enough freedom, they said: "Listening to your parents is the best kind of freedom!" Which is basically a non-sequitur.

I think you're wrong about the second part. My parents said they wanted me to get married someday, so it wouldn't make sense if they intentionally kept me from doing so. If anything, it was the extended family and my parents' friends who told me all these things about what marriage will be like. All while pressuring me to get married too.

In a nutshell, "freedom" was kind of a dirty word in my family. Which made the social studies classes, with their spiel on America being a free country , a giant slap in the face.

I actually hate these terms, but to me a red piller is not a traditionalist. I actually dislike traditionalism even more than modern relationship dynamics. I'm not gonna bust my ass off everyday, just for a partner to sit on their behind at home.

There's a third choice no one is talking about here: A non-cohabiting and non-committed relationship.

It fills needs that dogs cannot.

That would be the ideal, but those kinds of relationships don't grow on trees boo..

Thus 2 dogs and a sex doll is the second best option.

^^ They grow on trees with the right demographic where you are generally seen attractive.

viewtopic.php?t=275336

This thing would scare me at night.

It would scare me too but there's some guys like Dino-Mike who think they are the perfect girl

I honestly don't see how sex with a doll would be much different. Maybe I've been unlucky, but all girls I've been with barely ever initiated anything in the bedroom. To the point where it started feeling like work.

Yep, any mention of red pill anything by a female is going to risk being seen as snide, since the trope has been appropriated by a social movement that doesn't particularly like females (putting it mildly). Which is a shame, since the actual movie The Matrix isn't about gender roles or gender privilege, it's about the nature of reality as a whole. Anyway, that's why I included the disclaimer.

I'm not a point-belaborer, I don't see arguing as a legitimate form of entertainment; so it's pretty unusual for me to come back and respond after making a point. But: you're taking what your parents say as literally true, when they say they want you married. If they really did, they wouldn't be working so hard to present it as a bad thing. Which they are.

One of the hallmarks of any kind of controlling relationship is that the controlling person, or group, says one thing and does another, or says one thing one moment, and says the opposite thing soon thereafter. (Often when questioned about what they first said; this is called "countering".) Workplaces, for instance, always seem to promise advancement with their mouths, while their actual policies do everything possible to prevent it. Your family's opposition to the very word "freedom" is, TBH, a huge red flag. Their response about true freedom being absolute subjugation to their will? Makes me shudder and want to run. They're arogating to themselves the role of God.

Cf. "crazymaking". https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co ... crazymaker

Anyway, I like your posts in general, and I do wish you well; none of this is intended to upset you or put you down; I'm trying to answer the question you posed in the thread title. And no, absolutely, I don't want to push you towards marriage. You know what you want, in that regard. I just suspect you'd like to be sure you've made up your own mind about it, without internalizing any manipulation. That makes total sense.

I'd like to clarify yet again: It was my extended family who said those things: how my wife will control my every move, and how obedience is the best kind of freedom. My parents were actually pretty laissez faire about me getting married. They used phrases like "your wife" when talking about my future (until I told them I wanted no part of it), but that's about it. As for my dating life, it's something my family never discussed, since I never brought a girl home. They just vaguely knew I took dance lessons, danced with the women there, and occasionally went on dates.

^ because...

https://www.inquisitr.com/1474808/scien ... -husbands/