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climategeek
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22 Feb 2018, 12:10 pm

On January 29th, I made a post titled why I will never have a girlfriend. Every girl I ever dated ended up rejecting me upon finding out that I was on the Spectrum. :x the worst part was that before the girl rejected me, I made a prediction that she would and I would be so sure that you would reject me, that I would swear to God and even on my great grandmother's grave that, that girl would reject me after the second or third date and that's exactly what would happen.

So far, I've been on at least 5 days and every single one of them ended up and rejections after the second or third date.

I finally decided to ask out my first girl who was on the Spectrum as we met by chance at my school period on February 13th, I asked her out to see the movies and she accepted the date. However, I predicted that she would change her mind and cancel the date and that you would ignore my calls and texts from that day forward. Exactly what I predicted also came true. I'm considering this that she decided to cancel the date By ignoring all my calls and texts.

I have decided not to text her anymore and see if she would take the initiative to reply. If she doesn't text me back on the day before the date I will tell her that the date is off.

The thing is, I have not been texting her every single day, but about every other day I would send her one text.

Why whenever I make a negative prediction for myself I'm always right and this isn't just with girls, but with jobs as well every single job I applied for rejected me and I also predicted that would happen as well. I don't know what I did in my past life to deserve all this kinds of Misfortune that has been plaguing you for the last 15 years of my life.

I sometimes feel so upset that I secretly hope that a comet or asteroid will crash into the Earth and kill everyone and everything and put me out of my misery. :cry:



kraftiekortie
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22 Feb 2018, 7:45 pm

I sense that you create negative self-fulfilling prophecies for yourself.



AngelRho
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22 Feb 2018, 8:47 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I sense that you create negative self-fulfilling prophecies for yourself.

This. QFT. When your expectations are negative, you will subconsciously work to make them reality.

That IS a part of it. The other part is you’re reading women well and figuring out how they work. The more you go out, the better you’ll get at the nuance part of the game and diminish short term rejections.

I propose a third way. Rejection is the norm. It really is, without exception for anyone. Spectrum, not spectrum, all the same. Think about it. You’re going for a steady exclusive gf, right? Which means all but one girl will ultimately reject you or you will reject all but one girl who doesn’t reject you. When you get married, you’re closing yourself to all other women forever. Rejection is the whole point.

Your self-fulfilling prophecy is shaping your attitude in such away as to bring about rejection sooner rather than later. So, yes, you should work on that.

But you can also predict rejection because rejection is almost always a near certainty at first.

You have an advantage, though, and you seriously need to think about that. You are actually GETTING DATES. So you are past the point that getting dates at all is uncertain and into a place where getting dates is the easy part.

The thing about getting dates and later getting a gf being unlikely is that odds are HIGHLY LIKELY to near-absolute certainty that there is AT LEAST ONE girl out there for you. The more rejection you face, the more you rule out these girls you’re dating now who reject you, the more likely you are to find that ONE. The odds actually increase exponentially as you go. And as you go, you’ll pick up on ways of artificially helping those odds along. You might have longer and longer relationships until you hit that sort of singularity and it becomes a lifelong thing.

Hang in there and keep at it. Maybe hold off on disclosure. Let her get to know YOU without sticking a label on it that she might not understand. If she knows you well and comes to understand all your quirks, having your diagnosis might help her understand your behavior better without frightening her away.

You got this.



magicrabbit
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05 May 2018, 11:51 pm

It's possible you may be coming off as very non-discriminate (IE: I'll date any girl who will have me) and that vibe is a definite turn-off. Try to shake off how negative your mindset has become. You take the risk of rejection whenever you put yourself out there and ask someone out. If I were you, I would stop asking for dates and suggest hanging out as friends. That might take any perceived pressure off, I know it would for me. And sorry, but I'm not gonna give you the jobs. Everyone has been rejected from hundreds of jobs. I applied to over 120 in the last six months but I didn't get any cause I didn't have required experience. I remember saying something similar earlier so if you posted twice, I might have answered both posts. And I promise you, you do not have it worse than anyone else. There are tons of men and women who feel like they strike out every time, I would have to say a higher ration of those on the spectrum. But there are good things about being an aspie. Stop looking at it as total negative and a turn off. Don't bring it up to girls right before you hang out. Talk with us other aspies and get some other perspectives. I don't think I've ever been flat-out wrote off because I disclosed my diagnosis. I will say that I've been treated badly by boyfriends who were irritated by my differences but that was their problem.



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 May 2018, 2:16 am

I don’t believe in vibes, “self-fulfilling” prophecies and all that - hence I am not in agreement with any of the other posters here. Those are useless ideas in my opinion.

The truth is, people are predictable, and in general....women you date are SO predictable. For example
if the girl you are dating never ever initiates a text then you will figure she’s not that interested and you will predict rejection correctly.

And hiring managers are so predictable too.

My only advice is to try to make yourself more attractive to decrease the rejection rate; you should ask yourself why do they reject you after 2/3rd date? it’s probably not the looks in this case because you get past the 1st; what’s your current job?

Get in shape, go to gym, try to find a good job... etc



hale_bopp
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06 May 2018, 3:06 am

I openly hope an asteroid hits the earth and blows the s**t hole up. You’re not alone there. There are more scumbags on this planet than there are people who do the right thing. It could only be an improvement.

It’s normal to be rejected by every single job you apply for. I was rejected by 200 before I finally got something through cold calling.

Sorry you feel like crap. Do something nice for yourself.



SilverStar
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06 May 2018, 8:29 am

magicrabbit wrote:
It's possible you may be coming off as very non-discriminate (IE: I'll date any girl who will have me) and that vibe is a definite turn-off.


This turns people off, because they either see you as being desperate, or that you are a player, and aren't really interested in them, other than sex. I know a guy that is a serial dater on those dating apps, and he never get's past the first or second date, either.

If you can get lots of first dates, it's not your looks. If they consistently flee after the first date, there is probably something with your personality, or attitude that is turning people off.



Loner269
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06 May 2018, 11:58 am

I seem to have similar powers with Tinder, I can usually always tell which girl will like me back and which wont from their appearance... This has pretty much given me a distinct idea which kind of girls to go for and which to just forget about since they wont be interested anyway(Of course the ones I find more attractive are in the latter group).