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The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Feb 2018, 12:59 pm

We don't live together, we both have busy weeks, she works on Saturday too, hence we only meet on Saturday evenings or/and Sundays - so most of our communication during the week is online.

She keeps checking my online status, particularly on whatsapp, imo and facebook messenger, and she checks the 'last activity time' on fb (because I hid the last seen feature in my whatsapp); and she draws wrong conclusions from those.

One thing I admit about myself, aside from the short "Good morning / have a nice day, I am at home now ...etc" messages during, I really can't stand marathon-long text conversations on phone and long voice calls - and she knows it as I told her many times before, but even this she took it at time as me attempting to avoid talking to her.

During the day, at work, I keep it with short messages only, very few ones, then after work at 5 pm, I go home for a short time then I go to gym for one hour or so, after gym I go back to home, I take shower, then I make dinner, then I do some of my things: preparing food for next day work, reading something or even coding on something got stuck with at work or some indoor hobby ,or watching some series or playing some game or trolling on WP ....all these things take time hence little time for long chatting - yet I do send short messages telling her what I am doing as per now.

When I have to some long chat conversations with her and with anyone else for that matter, I usually do them on the Desktop versions one of these apps, on my computer as it is more possible to multi-task there and it's much easier typing on a real keyboard. Sometimes I forget to close the app on my PC, so I appear as "Online" status while I am completely away from PC doing my things - sometimes i even forget it open while I am out in gym or out buying some stuff from grocery as I keep my PC turned on - she is aware of that as I told her about it before.


Also apps aren't always accurate in showing status, I asked my brother to check my status in facebook messenger in particular and sometimes it kept showing me 'online' even after long turning off the activity thing, even after logging out of it. I told her about this before too, and she checked it herself.

But despite that, since she constantly checks me, she often found me "Online" without talking to her or replying her quickly (while I am really physically away preoccupied in something else) , she also often calculates between the time when I was last time active there and the time I tell her I am going out, going to do X, or the time told her goodnight , going to bed - and draws the wrong ideas that I wasn't really sleeping. It also happens I may be stuck in a chat conversation with a coworker or relative or my boss.

And the worst thing she was building up all perhaps for weeks and she spit them only after I insisted her to tell me what was bothering her today.

....Help?



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 25 Feb 2018, 1:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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25 Feb 2018, 1:05 pm

I agree she should respect you have a life, and not stalk you like that.



AnneOleson
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25 Feb 2018, 3:20 pm

She is from out of the country isn’t she? Does she have any local friends or hobbies? Maybe she needs something more to fill her “down “ time.



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25 Feb 2018, 7:22 pm

She sounds more "clingy" than "stalkerish."


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25 Feb 2018, 7:44 pm

I would gently suggest that you not overreact to her insecurities. She is just being a bit jealous. I would reassure her that you are honest and true (if you are and I am assuming she has nothing to worry about).
Let her know that she must trust you 100%, it's a critical component of any relationship. If she doesn't then your relationship can't last. Perhaps let her know that you will always be honest with her as to your feelings.
Yes, you did say you told her about the situation before, but this time it might help to be clear that she needs to listen to what you are asking and that this is a deal breaker.
If she continues with the same accusations then I would say you need to move on.



nick007
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25 Feb 2018, 8:36 pm

She sounds like me when I was in my 1st two relationships but I got a lot worse. I don't have those problems in my current realtionship too much because Cass is kinda clingy & needy too & I got on OCD & anxiety meds before meeting her. Does your girl seem like she has OCD or anxiety Boo? It's quite possible she doesn't but it may help for her to get on some kind of treatment if she does. I agree with beady about trying to reassure her but it may help to find out why she's like that if it's not an anxiety thing. Maybe she had exes who ignored her & maybe cheated on her or something. If it is due to past experience it may help to reassure her that you are not like that & maybe suggest that she'd get some kind of counseling to work on things.


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Last edited by nick007 on 25 Feb 2018, 10:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Chronos
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25 Feb 2018, 9:14 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
We don't live together, we both have busy weeks, she works on Saturday too, hence we only meet on Saturday evenings or/and Sundays - so most of our communication during the week is online.

She keeps checking my online status, particularly on whatsapp, imo and facebook messenger, and she checks the 'last activity time' on fb (because I hid the last seen feature in my whatsapp); and she draws wrong conclusions from those.

One thing I admit about myself, aside from the short "Good morning / have a nice day, I am at home now ...etc" messages during, I really can't stand marathon-long text conversations on phone and long voice calls - and she knows it as I told her many times before, but even this she took it at time as me attempting to avoid talking to her.

During the day, at work, I keep it with short messages only, very few ones, then after work at 5 pm, I go home for a short time then I go to gym for one hour or so, after gym I go back to home, I take shower, then I make dinner, then I do some of my things: preparing food for next day work, reading something or even coding on something got stuck with at work or some indoor hobby ,or watching some series or playing some game or trolling on WP ....all these things take time hence little time for long chatting - yet I do send short messages telling her what I am doing as per now.

When I have to some long chat conversations with her and with anyone else for that matter, I usually do them on the Desktop versions one of these apps, on my computer as it is more possible to multi-task there and it's much easier typing on a real keyboard. Sometimes I forget to close the app on my PC, so I appear as "Online" status while I am completely away from PC doing my things - sometimes i even forget it open while I am out in gym or out buying some stuff from grocery as I keep my PC turned on - she is aware of that as I told her about it before.


Also apps aren't always accurate in showing status, I asked my brother to check my status in facebook messenger in particular and sometimes it kept showing me 'online' even after long turning off the activity thing, even after logging out of it. I told her about this before too, and she checked it herself.

But despite that, since she constantly checks me, she often found me "Online" without talking to her or replying her quickly (while I am really physically away preoccupied in something else) , she also often calculates between the time when I was last time active there and the time I tell her I am going out, going to do X, or the time told her goodnight , going to bed - and draws the wrong ideas that I wasn't really sleeping. It also happens I may be stuck in a chat conversation with a coworker or relative or my boss.

And the worst thing she was building up all perhaps for weeks and she spit them only after I insisted her to tell me what was bothering her today.

....Help?


She may be insecure but the question is, why? Is it her personality type or is it an aspect of your relationship? That you two see each other very seldom may strike her as unusual and she might worry that you are really not into the relationship. But if she is going to constantly check your status and conclude you are lying to her about being online, I think that could severely damage your relationship.



RetroGamer87
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25 Feb 2018, 11:26 pm

Have you considered being single? One of the advantages of being single is that you get to spend more time by yourself.


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bunnyb
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26 Feb 2018, 1:22 am

Someone posted this link a while ago and I thought it was so good I bookmarked it. Maybe it would help your GF understand who you are. My husband thought it was great and really summed up what I’m like. I don’t set out to be difficult. I don’t mean to ignore him. I never mean to exclude him. I just get absorbed in things. I’d never cheat on him. I don’t lie. I just am what I am. If she doesn’t want to accept you for who you are then it’s unfortunately going to be difficult for both of you.

https://couplestherapyinc.com/five-good ... -an-aspie/


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Kiprobalhato
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26 Feb 2018, 1:23 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Have you considered being single? One of the advantages of being single is that you get to spend more time by yourself.


that is also a disadvantage.

i don't know about him, but i'm not very comfortable when left alone with my thoughts. i need someone to distract me.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Feb 2018, 2:17 am

Chronos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
We don't live together, we both have busy weeks, she works on Saturday too, hence we only meet on Saturday evenings or/and Sundays - so most of our communication during the week is online.

She keeps checking my online status, particularly on whatsapp, imo and facebook messenger, and she checks the 'last activity time' on fb (because I hid the last seen feature in my whatsapp); and she draws wrong conclusions from those.

One thing I admit about myself, aside from the short "Good morning / have a nice day, I am at home now ...etc" messages during, I really can't stand marathon-long text conversations on phone and long voice calls - and she knows it as I told her many times before, but even this she took it at time as me attempting to avoid talking to her.

During the day, at work, I keep it with short messages only, very few ones, then after work at 5 pm, I go home for a short time then I go to gym for one hour or so, after gym I go back to home, I take shower, then I make dinner, then I do some of my things: preparing food for next day work, reading something or even coding on something got stuck with at work or some indoor hobby ,or watching some series or playing some game or trolling on WP ....all these things take time hence little time for long chatting - yet I do send short messages telling her what I am doing as per now.

When I have to some long chat conversations with her and with anyone else for that matter, I usually do them on the Desktop versions one of these apps, on my computer as it is more possible to multi-task there and it's much easier typing on a real keyboard. Sometimes I forget to close the app on my PC, so I appear as "Online" status while I am completely away from PC doing my things - sometimes i even forget it open while I am out in gym or out buying some stuff from grocery as I keep my PC turned on - she is aware of that as I told her about it before.


Also apps aren't always accurate in showing status, I asked my brother to check my status in facebook messenger in particular and sometimes it kept showing me 'online' even after long turning off the activity thing, even after logging out of it. I told her about this before too, and she checked it herself.

But despite that, since she constantly checks me, she often found me "Online" without talking to her or replying her quickly (while I am really physically away preoccupied in something else) , she also often calculates between the time when I was last time active there and the time I tell her I am going out, going to do X, or the time told her goodnight , going to bed - and draws the wrong ideas that I wasn't really sleeping. It also happens I may be stuck in a chat conversation with a coworker or relative or my boss.

And the worst thing she was building up all perhaps for weeks and she spit them only after I insisted her to tell me what was bothering her today.

....Help?


She may be insecure but the question is, why? Is it her personality type or is it an aspect of your relationship? That you two see each other very seldom may strike her as unusual and she might worry that you are really not into the relationship. But if she is going to constantly check your status and conclude you are lying to her about being online, I think that could severely damage your relationship.


It's an aspect of the relationship I think.
It started as a FWB kinda of relationship before transforming into a more committed relationship - she doesn't want to get married again since she will eventually return to her home country hence she told me before I can date someone for a serious marriageable relationship (since I am not young anymore, time is not on my side) if given the chance but I should let her know about it. But I told her i am not really seeking to date anyone else, that I love her and feel comfortable with her, nor have the time or energy to see someone else, and I am very hesitant about the whole idea of me getting married anyway (She also has a firm belief about men that they are never naturally monogamous forever, due to past experience).

Her stalkering might be pretty much due to jealousy.



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26 Feb 2018, 2:36 am

Does she look like this?

Image


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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Feb 2018, 5:28 am

^ Her eyes are much smaller than this one.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Feb 2018, 6:05 pm

Turned out there’s something wrong in her phone, it disconnects from internet when it’s on lock screen - weird - so when I was sending her a text, it never pushes to her as notification and she only receives it when she unlocks it.
I took screenshots of the texts’ timestamps I sent today, and asked her to send me screnshots of them; there were hours difference between the times of sending and receival. She realized her phone is losing connection.

I suspected of such when she told me ealier that I always reply after very long hours.

I am innocent! It was her phone!



nick007
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26 Feb 2018, 6:42 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Turned out there’s something wrong in her phone, it disconnects from internet when it’s on lock screen - weird - so when I was sending her a text, it never pushes to her as notification and she only receives it when she unlocks it.
I took screenshots of the texts’ timestamps I sent today, and asked her to send me screnshots of them; there were hours difference between the times of sending and receival. She realized her phone is losing connection.

I suspected of such when she told me ealier that I always reply after very long hours.

I am innocent! It was her phone!
I'm glad you guys figured it out. Hopefully she'll get a new phone soon or she resets it or updates it so the issue gets fixed. My girlfreind's phone doesn't always get my texts & her phone doesn't send them rite sometimes where a part of an older text will come in mixed with broken piece of the text she just sent. She would of gotten a new phone by now but she wants me to change my single plan to a family plan that would include her & her parents. She needs to look into it but hasn't gotten around to it yet. Anyways I hope maybe your girl will be a little more secure now or 1ce the issue is resolved.


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26 Feb 2018, 9:43 pm

Glad you two figured this one out. Remember that communication, communication and more communication will always be key. Hopefully she can get a little less insecure, though, so that the next time something like this happens it can lead to a good laugh instead of stress. Long term her first assumption shouldn't be that you are doing something wrong.


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