Hello Everyone,
I have been a member since 2016. I have been to a psychologist but fired him. I don't know what is wrong with me but I feel like I am in a spiral leading into a bad situation. I am always angry and ready to explode. My marriage is suffering and my kids are afraid. I cannot handle any situation that is spontaneous or improvised. I don't like anyone coming to my house that is not my family. I usually go into a violent, raging episode at least once a week and they can last from 15 minutes to all day. I have paranoia that includes thoughts of people breaking in my house, to people hurting my kids, to infidelity by my wife. I cannot function at my job in full capacity because I do not want to interact with people. I can "pretend" but it is very taxing on my mental state and plus I don't trust them. I can't stand to hear them talk most of the time. I have been told that I am verbally abusive and I was actually physically abusive to my dog last night because she wanted to come in from a rainstorm. I did not want her in the house but when I opened the door to tell her to stop jumping on the door, she ran in. I lost it to a point where I could have hurt her real bad. My youngest son is autistic and I cannot wrap my brain around that. I was given Zoloft and then Lexapro. I refuse to take them because I heard that I will lose my hair. I cannot lose my hair, I would not be able to handle it. I also have "ticks" that include shaking my head from side to side, touching the bottom of my nose while breathing heavily, and I have to stare at things for a time for it to register. For example: I stare at my emergency break pedal then the screen on my Hyundai repeatedly to make sure my emergency break is not on. I know it is not on but I have to do this to continue. There are other things but these are the most recent. I guess I am just venting because I have no one else to talk to without feeling like a psychotic monster. Does anyone else suffer from something similar and how do you cope?
12 Mar 2018, 9:27 am
