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Balbituate
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15 Apr 2018, 5:47 pm

I sometimes do to avoid talking about special interests and talk about something I’m mildly interested in instead. Like if someone asks what new bands I’ve been listening to I’ll mention some Turkish stuff even though I’m far more interested in Israeli music. I genuinely enjoy some Turkish stuff, so I’m not being completely fake or anything. But it’s nowhere near being a special interest, so I can casually mention a new Turkish artist I found without seeming too obsessed.

It still shows I like listening to interesting foreign music, but in a more NT way. There’s nothing more inherently NT or normal about listening to Turkish music vs. Israeli music. It’s all about my reaction to it. I do this with other interests as well. Unfortunately people that know my true interests ruin this plan.

Like if I mention Turkish music I’ve been listening to my sister might say “how about all the Israeli music you’ve been listening to?” This is hypothetical since I listen to music on headphones. But people like my sister always ruin my plan to seem cool and NT about things.



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15 Apr 2018, 9:03 pm

There's nothing at all wrong with what you're describing. It's good if you're able to be interested in more than just your special interests, and it's also good if you're able to act interested in stuff that you're not interested in.

A book my psychologist got me to read calls acting interested in things you're not interested in the "Social Fake", which is a critical tool to surviving in an NT world. NTs do it all the time, and apparently doing it shows you care about connecting to the person, even if you don't care about the topic.


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naturalplastic
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16 Apr 2018, 6:09 am

SplendidSnail wrote:
There's nothing at all wrong with what you're describing. It's good if you're able to be interested in more than just your special interests, and it's also good if you're able to act interested in stuff that you're not interested in.

A book my psychologist got me to read calls acting interested in things you're not interested in the "Social Fake", which is a critical tool to surviving in an NT world. NTs do it all the time, and apparently doing it shows you care about connecting to the person, even if you don't care about the topic.


This.

Couldn't have said it better.

Alex Trebeck, the host of the quiz show "Jeopardy", once said "I am interested in everything. Even things that I'm not interested in". As laughable as that sounds I have recently actually taken that statement to heart as a guiding piece of wisdom when interacting with folks. :lol:



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16 Apr 2018, 9:08 am

I have interests in so many different things and all are very real. I begin with a core interest that branches out in many directions.



SocOfAutism
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16 Apr 2018, 11:36 am

I am NT and I do this too. Partially to avoid having to talk to a stranger or near stranger about something I care about and partially to shorten the conversation without appearing rude.

I also frequently pretend to be stupid when I’m talking to someone I judge to be possibly dangerous. Like someone who asks me too many questions or appears too interested.



shortfatbalduglyman
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16 Apr 2018, 5:04 pm

It takes too much energy to make up fake interests

:D

Cost benefit analysis

Although I might do that if I had a crush on someone

But the most recent crush was 13 years ago

So whatever


:mrgreen:


Just the opposite


Many times I tell someone that I have zero hobbies

Because the :x hobby 8O , is to go to as many different bathrooms as possible

And take a bowel movement

Pet store, library, park, bookstore, drugstore, supermarket, community center, community college, home improvement store, gas station, restaurant, bowling alley, computer store, department store, sewing store, hospital, train station, ocean, bar



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16 Apr 2018, 8:25 pm

No because I'd rather be honest than dishonest.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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16 Apr 2018, 9:09 pm

actually i have not considered making up "fake interests" before.

however, now that you mention it, maybe that is a good idea.

at more than one job interview someone asked for my hobbies.

and i did not tell them the bathroom thing. yes i said reading. but reading is so passive and lame.

a hobby that shows my (nonexistent) social awareness. for example, volunteering at Habitat for Humanity building houses.

alas, try as i might, it is becoming increasingly difficult to summon the energy to be interested in anything besides surfing the internet, the bathroom, gorging (eating), dwelling on the past, fantasizing. loitering and panhandling



Balbituate
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16 Apr 2018, 10:08 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
actually i have not considered making up "fake interests" before.

however, now that you mention it, maybe that is a good idea.

at more than one job interview someone asked for my hobbies.

and i did not tell them the bathroom thing. yes i said reading. but reading is so passive and lame.

a hobby that shows my (nonexistent) social awareness. for example, volunteering at Habitat for Humanity building houses.

alas, try as i might, it is becoming increasingly difficult to summon the energy to be interested in anything besides surfing the internet, the bathroom, gorging (eating), dwelling on the past, fantasizing. loitering and panhandling

How did you get your bathroom hobby? Maybe say you enjoy checking out new restaurants or something.



shortfatbalduglyman
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16 Apr 2018, 10:40 pm

Balbituate

In September 2012, the community college Interpersonal Communication Skills instructor wrote an assignment. To do things out of your comfort zone

At that time, I had a lot of free time. The university close to my jail cell has a lot of bathrooms. No purchase required. Nobody checks ID. Clean, nearly empty bathrooms

So started with the school

After that, went to different bathrooms

Until now, went to at least one unfamiliar bathroom, per week.

Several weeks, I took off.

Other than that, more or less, treat it like a job

:D

Got permanently banned from:

Cafe Leila
Food Maxx
Office Depot
Performance Bicycles
Nordstrom

Got a one day ban from:
Walmart
Cathedral
Bed bath
Petco

:D

Checking out new restaurants sounds expensive. That hobby does not show how or why you are a good candidate for the job.

The hobby has to sound positive, and make it impossible to verify

For example, I could not claim that I play the oboe

If the interviewer has an oboe under the desk, then I can't play it

But, thus far it is just easier to tell them, :twisted: no hobbies :roll:

That way I sound useless, unmotivated, lazy, idle, withdrawn

But nothing sounds particularly bad, per se



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19 Apr 2018, 9:31 am

No, because I'm not changing myself to please someone else. I'll just seek out people with similar interests to mine. And if I don't share at least interest with someone, I don't want to be friends with them in the first place. But if you have at least one common interest with me, I might show some genuine interest in something that person likes that I never thought I would. BUT you have to have at least ONE interest in common with me to start with.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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19 Apr 2018, 10:01 pm

It's a fine line between, feigning polite interest and "make up fake interests"