Coping with loneliness and isolation

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This is mostly a vent, as I don’t really have any friends to go to with this problem but I have to get my thoughts out.

I am a generally well-liked person. I am a vocal performance major in my third year studying to become a professional classical vocalist. (Choral or opera, wherever I can get hired is fine.) In my school, I am considered one of the best. Singing is my special interest, so naturally I’ve put in more time and work and passion into it than anything else in my life. I want to do this thing for a living, and generally I feel like I’m on the right track for that. I’m not saying this to be vain or to brag, what I only mean is that people are generally pretty cordial to me. I get a lot of praise from people after my performances, and when I do talk to people on any other day, they usually just want to tell me how much they love to hear me sing and watch me perform. But never more than this. I am very little more than a “good singer” to people. I get the feeling people like the concept of me more than me as a person. I am no good at talking to people. I have people I would consider “friends” but I get the feeling they don’t consider the same of me. No one ever texts or calls me. No one ever invites me to the things my other singer peers do. No one ever asks to hang out with me. It feels like no one really cares.

I do try to make an effort to make friends with my peers, but it’s been three years I’ve been at this school and I still feel like a background prop. They have their groups and their couples and enjoy each other’s company and go to eachother’s houses and go out and do things together and I always sit alone in rehearsals. (Which, rehearsals are really my only form of social outlet. I’m always alone any other time.) I’m too afraid to interrupt their conversations. Even if I were to talk to people, what could I say? It feels like every time I have a conversation, I make an ass out of myself and get embarrassed. Or if a conversation goes well, it’s almost always just idle pleasantries with no substance and then no one even remembers that we spoke and it doesn’t really “count” toward the progression of friendship.

No one ever, ever texts me first. And when I text first, they rarely text back. Or take ages to do so and by then I forgot what we were talking about. How do people make friends? I’ve been crying myself awake for days now because I am so starved for human connection I can hardly handle the stress and pain of feeling like no one will ever *really* care about me or actually want to know me as a person.

I am also totally alone but much older. If I could change one thing in my life it would be to have received my diagnosis decades ago so I'd figure out a lot sooner that, for me, relationships and friendships with NTs simply don't work.

The only person who ever seemed to really get me turned out to be on the spectrum too (coincidentally, she's a professional singer).

I'd suggest you find a support group for Aspies. I think we have our best chance at finding real friends that way. Unfortunately I now live where that's impossible but I'm sure there are meetings where you are.

I am similarly isolated. Whilst I know I am respected and valued in my social circle, it has not really lead to friendships. I also work from home, so little social contact there. With the breakup of a two year relationship three months ago(one of the few people who really got along with me), and at the same time starting to see a psychologist to deal with my social issues (this brought about the suggestion of ASD), I have suddenly found myself very alone. Generally people don’t message me, I have to message them.

While I need a certain amount of time to myself, my life is now oscillating between the few days a week when I have things to do, but they are mostly situations where I have to put on the mask and play myself as a character, and time at home by myself. I do not have anyone to talk to about this.

The loneliness can really, really hurt. And reaching out can be so difficult and exhausting, even if you know who to reach out to and what you want. Just a bit of face to face conversation can make all the difference and I feel better, but the process of making the friends is beyond me.
I believe that as I move forward in the process of therapy and understanding ASD, I will find ways to make friends and escape the loneliness, but right now, and for the foreseeable future, it is just a matter of keeping going.

That must feel so horrible, I'm so sorry. Social isolation sucks and so does having no one to talk to and connect with. I'm starting to feel this this myself lately but Its mainly my own fault. I took on to much this week and my emotions and anxiety seem to come and go, hijacking my body as they please. For me though Im sure a lot of it is my own fault. I have ADHD and lately I feel like my impulse control is zero. I get overwhelmed with emotion and feel I have to react to the threat, real or perceived. I have been writing stupid s**t online every day and and even if I take it down before long I put something else up thats just as embarrassing. I feel like I have no control of my emotions and can only imagine what people are thinking of me now.

I wish I had someone to talk to, but lately I feel like people seem to be backing away and I can't even blame them. I feel like such a spaz and even though I wish I have some one to talk to all I won't to do Is hide away in my room for a few weeks at least.