It's not always the parent

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I notice parents always get the blame when a child has a behavior or is abusive or mean or a bully. What people don't seem to realize is children have their own thoughts and beliefs and personality and they are not puppets parents can mold them into something they want them to be. Lot of people seem to think a parent can mold their child into anything they want them to be. Parents will also tend to blame themselves when their kid does something wrong or when they find they cannot control their child and make them be what they want them to be. But sometimes it's the child, not you. I think the reason why parents tend to blame themselves is because we all tend to believe our kids are our puppets and we can control their feelings and emotions and their behavior and their personality. It's the pressure we feel from society so we blame ourselves for our child.

Kids will fall for peer pressure, kids will pick up on things from their peers, kids are manipulative and can charm adults. They can act good and sweet around their parents and adults but then act the opposite when they turn their backs and the parents might never guess their own kid is a bully.

Also parents can't always control their kids, your kids will do anything they want and no matter how nice you tell them or how many time you tell them, they will still do it. The only thing I can see how you can truly control them is if you beat them and abuse them, then they will be so afraid you bet they will be obedient kids and be anything you want them to be but I am afraid it would just all be an act they are doing because they are so afraid of you. Then they are left with issues in their adulthood and PTSD.

I think it's unfair to always blame the parents. Sometimes a kid has a mental illness so they have behavior and any discipline won't work with them nor punishments because they just don't care, don't have a conscious and don't have empathy. They will just do whatever they want and people automatically assume they did not discipline them enough or that they must have abused them so now the child is retaliating. Oh the kid is beating you and threatening you, you must have done something to deserve it. Yes I have actually seen that attitude towards parents of abusive kids. It makes me sick. I've seen it on this forum too.

It's not always the parent folks. Kids have their own personalities and their own thoughts and choose their own behaviors. Sometimes a child has a mental illness so the parent has no control over how they act. They do their best. You can give your kid a normal childhood and they can still grow up to be a sex offender, you didn't do anything to cause it, they made that choice. f**k anyone who judges you for your kid and blames you for it.

I agree. I saw a post on my Tumblr feed that said it's the parents' fault if a kid is a bully. But I don't think that's true all the time. It's not always so black and white.

I suspect lot of this comes from people who have never had kids but do they remember when they were kids? What did they do as children? Did they ever wait when their parents turned their backs, did they sneak anything? Did they ever choose to do anything thinking they will get away with it? Even if they got caught and got busted for it by their parents, it still was their choice, not their parents fault they did it.

I am under the impression it usually comes from parents who have naturally easy children combined with extremely strong parenting philosophies. They attribute the fact their children are naturally easy to their parenting, much like a woman I talked boasted about her high tolerance for pain because her first two pregnancies had been relatively easy (third one taught her differently).

If it was only the parents, there would never be families with so called black sheep, or messed up families with shinning stars.

All that said, parenting certainly makes a difference, and changes the odds for a child. But they are their own people and we aren't in control. It does irritate me that every time something goes awry we are forced to worry about being judged by other parents. The best gift we can give ourselves is to tune it all out.