My parents are overprotective of me

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My parents dont let me do the same things as my siblings. Its annoying.

Im 18 and I still have to tell my parents where I am going. Im not allowed to just hang out with my friends after school. But my 14 year old sister is allowed to. I dont get it. I tried to talk to my parents about it but they say its for good reasons.

I also cant go out alone. My social skills are bad. They dont want me to get into trouble or something

You should sit down and have a talk with your parents. What do they plan to do with you when you're 21?

Before doing this, you should think about what you'd like to happen. You should also make a list as to why this should happen.

When you meet, be calm. Be collected. Don't get upset. Don't whine. Show your parents your maturity.

Since they're concerned about your social skills, what are things you could do to help alleviate their concerns while also gaining more freedom for yourself?

Best wishes.

David

I'm wondering about your situation. However, the best way to do is to talk with your parents about it. This will help you know the real reason why they are protecting you. Parents usually do that for your own good.

I disagree with both of you! When parents are overprotective, it's not about love, it's not about caring, it's about POWER. Power can feel very intoxicating, and it corrupts. So "talking to your parents" is worse than useless. You can be "calm", "rational", and "mature" until the cows come home; none of it matters! Parents already know how unpleasant their restrictions feel, and they usually don't care. Because power becomes so intoxicating, that their child's happiness gets lost in the shuffle. Also, only one child is usually overprotected, because picking and choosing which child to control is part of enjoying the power. Which is why I always rolled my eyes whenever my naive, stupid therapist said "just tell your parents how you feel" . Especially considering that my older sister had very few rules as a teen (which I saw first-hand and heard from my parents), while I had tons of rules restricting my life. Of course, all that was presented under the pretext of "caring" .

The OP is 18; his best option is to go away to college a thousand miles away, without giving his new phone number or address. Otherwise, he'll remain a pawn in his parents power game forever.

Up until age 25 or so, I was looking forward to having a kid of my own, so I could be strict and overprotective, and make his life an endless stream of powerlessness. But later, I realized that it's more humane to never have kids at all. I'm in my mid 30's now, and my fertility is going downhill anyway. So rest assured: there will be no Aspie1 Jr.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 09 Jun 2018, 12:06 am, edited 3 times in total.

You mentioned you can't go out alone because of your people skills. Did you get into some sort of trouble in the past because of your social skills?

I have to be direct here.
You are 18, it isn't up to them anymore.

It is a mistake to assume that other parents are like you understand yours to be.

My relationship with my children has NEVER been about power. Have I sometimes had to use my relative power in order to steer our family successfully through a day? Yes. Depending upon the age or stage they weren't ready to have a logical discussion about why some things had to be. But once they were ready, I stopped using any of that power, and allowed them to make their own choices.

Because my ASD child is smart and insightful, we were always able to have frank discussions about his abilities and what I worried about. He never disagreed with me. He is, in fact, more likely to undersell himself than I am in many areas. It was a difficult transition from the days of constantly doing things for him, to the days of letting him do them himself and fail if need be, but we made it. Gaining independence is part of growing up, hard as it sometimes is on both sides.

If you read more of the OPs posts, you realize there is more going on than you've responded to. This isn't a person who can or wants to move a thousand miles away and stand completely alone. Just someone who wants more than they have right now. Which can happen, and was discussed in a similar thread started in July.

Wow, you actually sound like my boyfriend @_@ I've been down this road for a very long time so I know exactly what its like. I am alot older then the OP though so I'm an example of where you don't wanna end up like ... xD As a matter of fact when I was the OPs age I was about 3 months fresh out of high school and basically shut myself in for about 3 and a half years. No one pushed me to do anything as it related to school or work and even to this day I am still slightly emotionally and mentally stunted as a result of this being the fact I never really lived my life.

Moral of the story; don't be like me OP



Some people aren't as astute when it comes to these things as they should be. I myself actually had to learn that my parents attempting to force me into a church young adult meeting was actually a violation of my human rights. I didn't even think people with disabilities had rights and were often property to whoever oversees their living arrangements(whether that'd be parents or group homes).

It's probably habit.

They wouldn't do that if they didn't love you immensely.

When you've raised a child it's very difficult (if not impossible, I've not managed it yet) not to see them as that child. No matter how big they get, they will always be the child you knew and loved.

What you need to do is help them through the transition. They will have several reasons for doing what they are doing, and they may be valid. You need to first help them to communicate, they are probably used to making decisions about you bilaterally without talking to you about it. Then you need to work with them to appease their worries. It's time for you to parent them now.