Just diagnosed with high-functioning autism yesterday

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For some reason, most people seem to feel relief when they're diagnosed, but it just makes me feel worse to have the diagnosis confirmed (I was unofficially diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, which isn't diagnosable anymore, when I was around 4, so I always thought it was possible but denied it).

In therapy one of the things we've been exploring was how much I desire interpersonal relationships -- whether I actually feel "loneliness" when not around people or if I'm just feeling like a failure because I'm not being "socially successful," I have no idea. Getting diagnosed doesn't really help to answer this question because there are lots of people on the autism spectrum who feel both ways.

In fact, I'm not really sure what the benefit of being diagnosed for me is at all. I consider myself a relatively high-achieving person (I go to a very prestigious university, act as a caretaker for my elderly mother and have a decent job), and to me, the diagnosis acts as a limiter on my potential. I don't consider myself that bad at socializing (though I'm certainly not great), but I also barely socialize ever, and most "bad" moments that happen to me socially are because of the anxiety I feel when socializing. I was rejected a lot as a young child because of AS traits which probably led to the low self-esteem and social anxiety I feel now. When I'm relaxed and there are few people in the room I'm completely fine at socializing. I also felt that it was obvious that my social anxiety could be improved upon which would lead me to naturally act more "normal," and I still believe this, but to my understanding most people with AS have a hard time socializing their whole lives. Maybe it means it will be difficult or impossible to improve?

With this in mind, is there actually a benefit to being diagnosed? The condition doesn't disable me and I don't require any accommodations for it. Even when we were talking about it in therapy before I was diagnosed, the psychologist said something like "I don't know yet if you have HFA but if it were true it wouldn't affect much." I wonder what it does affect.... I guess I need to ask him.

Well first of all, I agree that a diagnosis in itself doesn't change anything. I only received mine a couple years ago, and can confirm that it doesn't immediately give you any answers on what you need to do differently. After all, you are still the same person as before with the same issues. It's primarily just a hint into what direction you should go if you want to work on it further.

As for the interpersonal relationship thing, I can relate to those questions of doubt very well. In my case, I'm not at all sure that social interaction is something that would make things better for me. All I do know is that for most people it seems to be a benefit, and I can't say that I have given it a thorough shot before, and you can't really know if it would work or not until you fully try. The diagnosis indicates, however, that it's quite possible that you have different needs than other people, so there is never a guarantee that what works for typical people will work for you, or even that what works for others on the spectrum will work for you. Currently, I am making an effort to change myself to be more sociable and see how it goes.

In regards to improving your socializing behavior, I think it is possible if you so choose. But be warned that it will probably take a constant strain and effort to uphold; overdoing it can lead to constant stress and even meltdowns (that's what happened to me), and I was rather high-achieving with seemingly no issues myself before that happened. So it's up to you whether you think the effort is worth it, a lot of people come to the conclusion that it's better to just be yourself. I suppose that ties back to the question of whether you want social relationships in the first place or not.

What is the benefit if you don't need accommodations (I haven't used any yet either)? I would say primarily in self-understanding. It gives you better insight in why you might act/think in a certain way, and that can be helpful, to be cognizant of your strengths and weaknesses. I don't think you will find it much of a disadvantage, since it is very rarely that you are required to disclose it if you don't want to (I may be wrong on that). It is only a limiter on your potential if you so choose to interpret it. Personally, I think the condition can actually increase your maximum potential. In any case, I would at least be curious as to what the therapist concludes on the need for social relationships, since I wonder that myself a lot.

I have not received a diagnosis yet but I think nothing will change when or if I get it other than I will understand my social problems a little better and why it seems I think differently then most and actually have a name for it. I have always felt like I was, pun intended, from another planet where Scotty, accidentally beamed me down into a place that does not quite get me.
I try to be very kind and thoughtful in what I say and do, but often people take my words in the wrong context and leave me shaking my head wondering what just happened.
Try to embrace your quiet alone time and think of this diagnosis as a reason or a blessing, as you are high-functioning and very smart. Sounds like you have accomplished a lot and are very talented in your field of study.
You are no different for knowing other than now you know and can find answers to questions and hopefully come to a peaceful conclusion. Cyber hugs to a new cyber friend.

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