Be touched

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Contact is worst when people, mostly older relatives, touch ones head, after sixteen years of quite literally recoiling they would learn that I don't like it.

Maybe they misinterpret it. Perhaps they assume that it catches you off guard, but relax once the 'shock' settles.

I'd recommend that you let them know that it makes you uncomfortable. It's the only way they'll stop. I mean, if you can't read their cues, there is a good chance they can't read yours.

Ditto, and ditto.

...and once again, ditto...

I have mentioned it before, but perhaps I should try again, maybe I just need to be louder.

Maybe incorporate a slap into it.
*family slaps you on the back*
*you whip around like a bullet and slap them across the face*

... the room falls silent...

Heh, that's funny

I have a lot of trouble with my feet being touched, especially if I am sitting at a table and someone bumps me. I am instantly furious and glare around the table at whoever did it.

I hate sitting on the bus next to anyone, it seems inevitable that they will touch you.
Being brushed against in a crowd or waiting in a line makes me want to run away or curl up into a ball.

The type of touch I do like however, is being hugged firmly, with no rubbing or stroking, as this feels like it hurts. It's hard to find someone to do this, as they always seem to end up patting me on the back, which I can't stand.

I am EXTREMELY person-specific. I CAN get over my reflexive reaction to touch or attempted touch initiation (basically, reacting as if I was being attacked) but the desensitization it has to be on my terms, not just "I'm going to get you over this by poking you." I think that doesn't really work because it's expected to be uncomfortable. I thought I was basically incurable until a couple of months ago, but lo and behold, if I'm motivated, I can do it.

Hey, I've a story about this actually! Normally I don't care less about touching or not touching. I was raised by parents who didn't touch very much, and generally when I interact with people I keep a "Japanese" style personal space. Actually I almost never touch anyone, though when it does happen like when pushing determinedly through crowds, they may as well be soft movable pushing bags. I pwnzed that Tokyo train station.

Except... for one time. It was the most inexplicable experience... but once when I was with my high school band, touring in Vancouver, Canada. We had just gotten done with lunch, and were heading through some... sort of complex with tall glass windows, and I think a stairway. I was heading along happy as a clam when a friend of mine tapped my back to get my attention. He was a real nice guy, bit of a joker, very tall. Played a mean trumpet. So anyway I turned and punched him and--wait, what??

To give you an idea of the surreal experience of this moment, I've never before, and never since, punched someone outside of a martial arts sparring match. All I know is it seemed to make perfect sense to sock him right in the chest so hard that he fell back on his butt, looking up at me with the whites of his eyes showing. I was like, "Ohmigod, I'm so sorry!" I actually put out a hand and helped him up again. I think I managed to babble out some excuse and he got the impression I hadn't meant to do that, normally very deliberate, thing.

And when I thought about it with a cooler head I remembered my mother had told me her story of doing just that same thing. A coworker tapped her back, and she ended up taking a swing at him! So I don't really think it's an Aspergers touch-aversion thing, more than just a bizarre inherited trait. The ulner nerve goes back right about there, and I do have a family history of ulner neuritis (like carpal tunnel, but worse.), so that might have been a factor. It was just like how cats will scratch you if you poke their belly--they can't help it, it just happens!

I laughed out loud at that. I did that too to a friend who wouldn't stop tapping my shoulder- I forget what I did exactly, I think smacked his hand away really hard. I asked if he was OK; since I'm a weakling not only was he fine but he was extremely amused as well.

Finally a moment of my history makes sense to me. My brother knew I was touch sensitive when I was younger, about 7-10 years old. On the bus home from school he would constantly tap my shoulder. Now my brother is two years older, taller, stronger and more athletic (basically, I got nothing on him). Knowing this, I never did anything more than to tell him to stop. I remember thinking to myself, 'He's barely touching me', repeating it over and over in my head. I never understood why it bothered me so much, because after a few minutes he'd stop, knowing just shy of my screaming out in frustration, which of course would garner the attention of everyone on the bus.... and that would really put him in the big pile with my mum. And she can be very fiesty when we embarrass her.

Depending on the person I'll either hang all over them or I'll completely freak out if they try to touch me.

I'm only comforatble touching my very close friends and family (not including my dad, can't STAND when he touches me).

I don't know why. I think it's just because I feel like they have no right to be touching me. *shrug*

When it's not family, it's just surprising, not uncomfortable. But then, on buses and the like, I dislike sitting next to people that take up more than their fair share of the seats...

I'm person-specific about touch and I don't like unexpected touch. Unexpected touch is just creepy. It's not really that I'm oversensitive to touch, it's just that I associate most touch with either sex (light touch) or agression (rough touch), unless it's a handshake or a hi-five (Though my hi-fives are way too hard and usually wind up hurting the other person).

Last edited by Yupa on 24 Jul 2005, 10:34 am, edited 4 times in total.

Yes, "script" is a good term. I can function if I know that a touch is comiing and that I have a prepared response to it.

I dislike shaking hands. I had a job once where I had to meet people all the time. I built a script for shaking hands: make sure palm is dry, prepare for physical contact, make sure to apply proper pressure, make brief eye contact, smile slightly, do not allow target to realize that I though touching him or her was disgusting. I don't have that job anymore. Probably a good thing.

Getting a massage sounds like torture. I had a kink in my back at work once, one of my coworkers though she'd be helpful and give me a back rub. I quickly told her that it wasn't necessary, a very unpleasant experience. It didn't help that I didn't like the person.

Grey

I enjoy hugs. However, I perfer to hug someone that I have known for a while. Many girls have said I am a great hugger but some have said I hug too hard and I should not squeeze so tight. I guess they feel I'm trying to suffocate them. I do not like it when others, especially strangers, tap me on the back. I'd rather hug and cuddle than have someone touch my privates.