Why difficult for relationships with aspergers?

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rachiee_face90
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Joined: 8 Sep 2007
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Location: Fort Worth, Texas, USA

10 Sep 2007, 10:26 pm

calandale wrote:

I'm just saying that there are some
of us, who might well take advantage,
as it were.

I realize this, because even Aspies have different personality traits, just as NTs do.

Tim_Tex
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11 Sep 2007, 5:13 am

I prefer other Aspies because I feel that we're less likely to lie or cheat than NTs.

Tim

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CockneyRebel
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11 Sep 2007, 8:23 am

I'm keeping out of romantic relationships for now. I've been in one, this year. I'd rather be out with my best friends than tied down by some guy.

whodat54321
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Joined: 19 Aug 2007
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Location: Pine Valley, CA

12 Sep 2007, 7:39 pm

I suppose i could add myself to the category of 'beginning again'. The thing that makes this new relationship different is that this lady i am involved with now has something special to offer. she's actually willing to help understand the things that are involved with a.s. and my limitations and what i need to work on in therapy. The problem i have is that she's in Canada, and we don't get to see each other as much in person as we would like. Double headed challenge, being newly a.s. diagnosed and in long-distance relationship is close to the scale of impossible in an n-t mindset, but i am at least willing to give the 'impossible' a try. It won't be for lack of effort on the communication side. we call each other or video chat on a daily basis, and she's been down here in the states once, i to Canada twice. finding someone who is willing to work with and be tolerant and learn of the problems and limits of a.s., as well as be open to the possibilities beyond it are, in my limited experience, extremely important for me. being open and honest about it as possible was important for me to turn it from being a barrier to being something that can be worked with. i could go on and on about how we discuss the things that are hallmark a.s. that happened in my past, and persist today, but that's kind of off topic. understanding with communication and truth go a long way in the relationship i have right now. I wonder if it's something that I needed years to learn or understand that makes it work now?

Tim_Tex
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14 Sep 2007, 9:23 am

Cordelia wrote:

well, I'm almost 40 and I just figured out I have asperger's. So....I don't know...I bet there are a lot in your area; they just are trying to cover it up. I have been trying to fit in, since forever, and not understanding myself. Such a relief to figure it out. Do you belong to a local asperger's group or have you given thought to creating one?

There are no AS support groups in my area. The nearest one is in Fort Worth, 115 miles away.

Tim

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Tim_Tex
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14 Sep 2007, 9:31 am

LadyMahler wrote:

Cool, because I think it is a good one.

Quote:

I feel like such a loser.

I am very sorry to hear that. Every time I see your avatar on the forum, I swear I took you for someone that is happily married with a baby on the way - you just come over in a confident way in your writing, and I would have never guessed that you felt like that on the inside.

College is full of girls. Most of them won't be into you but somewhere, I promise you, there is someone that will go on a date with you. Do you have any friends that you trust on campus? Perhaps someone that would give you honest advice at maybe why you have not been able to get the person you are interested in, to respond? Or, have you perhaps overlooked someone that could be suited to you because of outward appearances?

The thing is I am 27 years old. I am 5-10 years older then the majority of college students, and they won't want to date me due to the age difference.

Tim

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Tim_Tex
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15 Sep 2007, 1:13 am

LadyMahler wrote:

Please don't give up hope. Just keep looking and keep reading the useful tips on this forum and out there. And I really think just trying to make friends is a better start than hoping for romance at first sight. I don't know what else to say

just that I think you're a great guy, and that you should focus on your strengths. As wonderful as it is to share your life with someone, it is also important to find contentness in oneself, first. Do you like to keep your own company? Are you ok with yourself? I think you should be, but only you can choose that. I hope that you can rediscover some of your positive qualities in the next week. I think it is very important. Just don't give up about finding a girl: you have time, and you are smart. Just try and make peace with being ok with yourself first. It is a very attractive thing in a person.

I keep trying to be ok with myself, but I am still not happy. I want to meet single, liberal Aspie woman, but none of them want to meet me.

Only a very desperate person would want to date me.

Tim

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dasanbe
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15 Sep 2007, 2:46 pm

Relationships are difficult for everyone, not just Aspies.

Thelostcup
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Joined: 14 Sep 2007
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15 Sep 2007, 5:14 pm

Todd489 wrote:

Did you translate that paragraph back and forth from English to Japanese about 9 times or something? Not to put you down or anything, but that was close to incomprehensible.

Perhaps english is not his first language?

AussieMatt
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Joined: 13 Jun 2007
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15 Sep 2007, 6:16 pm

Thelostcup wrote:

Todd489 wrote:

Did you translate that paragraph back and forth from English to Japanese about 9 times or something? Not to put you down or anything, but that was close to incomprehensible.

Perhaps english is not his first language?

Would you stop bullshitting me about my grammer alright? My first language is english. That is only language i use!

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calandale
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15 Sep 2007, 6:27 pm

Yes todd :roll:

AussieMatt
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15 Sep 2007, 9:25 pm

............................................................. :roll:

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Matt

calandale
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15 Sep 2007, 9:37 pm

:oops:

tired as s**t. Been up too long.
Stress and perv.

Shinigami
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15 Sep 2007, 9:37 pm

hey its a website...Grammer is supposed to be ignored. lol, Abbrievations PWNS! :lol:

AussieMatt
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15 Sep 2007, 9:40 pm

Shinigami wrote:

hey its a website...Grammer is supposed to be ignored. lol, Abbrievations PWNS! :lol:

Great stuff!

PS: I just Pmed you

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Matt

calandale
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15 Sep 2007, 9:41 pm

Shinigami wrote:

hey its a website...Grammer is supposed to be ignored. lol, Abbrievations PWNS! :lol:

NO! Some people may have difficulties,
but it's not some sort of carte blanch to
disrespect all those whom you hope to
have reading your thoughts. If they're
important enough to post, they're important
enough to make as legible as possible.

If you want to use 'leet speak' use it
where it f*****g makes sense, in an
online game. You have as much time
as needed here, to make your thoughts
intelligible.

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