26 and dependent on mommy
09 Oct 2007, 7:36 pm
richardbenson wrote:
one more thing, likedcalico intensity isnt a support site, wich means any behaviour goes, shurley ive brought that attitude over here and have abused people but i think ive cleaned up my act here ALOT. name calling on intensity was equally distributed between me and you, so stop acting like your just some innocent victim. i also recal on zOMG you threatening me to sick your boyfriend on me if i moved to vancouver washington. should i call the police? i dont think so. it would be silly for me to do so, the point im trying to make is i dont let anything you say hurt me, bug me, or annoy me. maybe you should do the same. i hardly post there anymore due to all the negativity there. so stop your crying and let whatever grudge you have against me on a fourm with no rules for saying your p**** is fake go alright?
Just because Intensity isn't a support site doesn't mean you can be an as*hole and be nasty. Not everyone acts that way on there. I used to have repsect for you and I liked you and I had sympathy for you, I was even sorry when SteveK insulted you in your thread about when you got apporved for SSI. And I never threatened you about my BF to sick you, I was just joking. Didn't you see the face after the sentance? I guess not. Don't lot of us joke on the forum? I see lot of BS there and gibberish. I don't even care anymore what happens to you or give a care. I will never have sympathy for you again.
richardbenson
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09 Oct 2007, 7:44 pm
richardbenson wrote:
everyone likedcalico posted a picture of her p**** over at intensity and i said it wasnt hers and she was faking, but it really did turn out to belong to her. hows that for being an ass? and btw i still think rakitty_tam was fibbing when he said his uncle was on one of those planes that went down on septemeber 11th.
Because you called me a liar and I was telling the truth. You never apologized either for your behavior. That is being an ass or are you too embarassed because you had made an ass of yourself. I'm sure others would have forgiven you too, if they were annoyed by you too of course. If I accused someone of lying and then I found out they were telling the truth, I would apologize because I don't want to be an ass. I want to be nice. I had to apologize to one of my online friends because I thought he was lying to me because I thought he was playing and doing baby acts with me by asking me dumb questions but it turned out he had a learning disability and he has troubling grasping concepts and boy did I feel like an as*hole. I told him I was so sorry because I didn't know he had it and I thought he was acting and being dumbon purpose.
You accusing people of lying really tells me to stay away from you as a friend because I don't need a freind who is going to think I am lying and will always have to prove everything that I am being truthful.
richardbenson
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09 Oct 2007, 7:48 pm
let it go likedcalico its over. its pretty simple really, thanks
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Last edited by richardbenson on 09 Oct 2007, 8:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
09 Oct 2007, 7:49 pm
unnamed wrote:
likedcalico wrote:
unnamed wrote:
I just read this whole thread. I'm glad that some other folks finally see what I see in Ticker - a troll in denial.
richardbenson, you are the most supportive and inspiring person on WP. Your posts always make me smile. You are honest about how hard you work on your own attitude, and you go out of your way to give people the benefit of the doubt and make them feel welcome here. As far as I'm concerned, you are what WP should be about.
WP is suffering because of people like Ticker. I saw how she attacked the Ritvos when she got turned down for their research project on AS. She was all keen to volunteer, and then when she got rejected she turned around and started trashing them like she got dumped romantically or something. I never used to question anyone's AS diagnosis here, but she's one of a few whom I seriously doubt. There are several people on here now who claim to have AS but who actually behave like they have anything and everything but. They ruin the vibe and bring people down. It sucks.
I sure miss Kosmo. There was no one better than him for filtering out the BS.
richardbenson, you are the most supportive and inspiring person on WP. Your posts always make me smile. You are honest about how hard you work on your own attitude, and you go out of your way to give people the benefit of the doubt and make them feel welcome here. As far as I'm concerned, you are what WP should be about.
WP is suffering because of people like Ticker. I saw how she attacked the Ritvos when she got turned down for their research project on AS. She was all keen to volunteer, and then when she got rejected she turned around and started trashing them like she got dumped romantically or something. I never used to question anyone's AS diagnosis here, but she's one of a few whom I seriously doubt. There are several people on here now who claim to have AS but who actually behave like they have anything and everything but. They ruin the vibe and bring people down. It sucks.
I sure miss Kosmo. There was no one better than him for filtering out the BS.
Since you do now, what do you think of mine? Do you think I'm misdiagnosed? If so, what do you think I have instead? Am I maybe an NT who acts like an aspie because of my hearing loss?
I never thought anything about you either way, Calico. Why do you care what other people think anyway?
It always makes me cringe when I see someone saying lot of people on here don't have AS or when they say lot of people on here are NTs but think they have it because it makes me think do they think that of me too. Just makes me uncomfortable. And for people who doubts peoples diagnoses, I don't even bother telling them what mine is or what I have because I don't want to hear "Oh you don't have that."
nebgreen
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Joined: 22 Sep 2007
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09 Oct 2007, 8:25 pm
Oh my God....it is SO comforting to know that there are others out there in my own situation. My mother pays my rent and utilities because I am absolutely clueless when it comes to handling and budgeting my money. This was a result of some financial trouble I got into with the University where I work (it was a LARGE overpayment by my department's payroll division). Sometimes, I get resentful because of others in my age group who are able to make their own way in the world without outside help (I'm 34), and I also think I was subtely and unconsciously raised to be somewhat dependent on her. She was a very neurotic single mother who worried and stressed about nothing CONSTANTLY. I am quite concerned about the question of relationships/marriage because of this situation, namely because I fear the woman I date/marry will discover this dependency and not want to marry me.
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It's an Aspie thing: Don't even TRY to understand!!
09 Oct 2007, 9:54 pm
mj1 wrote:
I'm 26 and I'm still dependent on my mother the same way a 12 y/o would be dependent on her parents. Is this sort of thing normal with AS?
I feel like I haven't aged mentally, like I'm still a kid. My mother gets upset with me because she says I'm old enough to do things by myself and shouldn't need to depend on her. But I do need her. It's very overwhelming to do things by myself. Like with (community) college, I can't seem to bring myself to sign up for classes. It's overwhelming to me. I want her to do it, or to at least help me, but she doesn't want to because I'm old enough to do it myself.
I find this all very upsetting. It was a few weeks ago when I discovered that I'm pretty sure I have AS. Up until that time I thought I was ret*d (sorry if this is not the PC term) for the way I act and feel. Now I wonder if this is normal for people with AS.
I feel like I haven't aged mentally, like I'm still a kid. My mother gets upset with me because she says I'm old enough to do things by myself and shouldn't need to depend on her. But I do need her. It's very overwhelming to do things by myself. Like with (community) college, I can't seem to bring myself to sign up for classes. It's overwhelming to me. I want her to do it, or to at least help me, but she doesn't want to because I'm old enough to do it myself.
I find this all very upsetting. It was a few weeks ago when I discovered that I'm pretty sure I have AS. Up until that time I thought I was ret*d (sorry if this is not the PC term) for the way I act and feel. Now I wonder if this is normal for people with AS.
What's your IQ? You should go take the WAIS-3 (Weschler adult intelligence test) or whatever they are using now.... to get an idea of where your deficits are.
09 Oct 2007, 11:34 pm
Part of the problem with being emotionally dependent on mommy, and I have this tendency and know a lot of people who do, is that "deficits" seem to become etched in stone. Mothers who encourage dependency appear to live to keep the child in a child-like state. Unfortunately, a lot of us who are like this get to learn the hard way that it's childish, not child-like, that results. Someone who is child-like and full of wonder may be likely to correct deficits fast. Someone who is childish clings to them like they are holy relics.
Deficits can be made into strengths. I never could express myself in writing until I was over 25.
10 Oct 2007, 1:51 pm
likedcalico wrote:
unnamed wrote:
likedcalico wrote:
unnamed wrote:
I just read this whole thread. I'm glad that some other folks finally see what I see in Ticker - a troll in denial.
richardbenson, you are the most supportive and inspiring person on WP. Your posts always make me smile. You are honest about how hard you work on your own attitude, and you go out of your way to give people the benefit of the doubt and make them feel welcome here. As far as I'm concerned, you are what WP should be about.
WP is suffering because of people like Ticker. I saw how she attacked the Ritvos when she got turned down for their research project on AS. She was all keen to volunteer, and then when she got rejected she turned around and started trashing them like she got dumped romantically or something. I never used to question anyone's AS diagnosis here, but she's one of a few whom I seriously doubt. There are several people on here now who claim to have AS but who actually behave like they have anything and everything but. They ruin the vibe and bring people down. It sucks.
I sure miss Kosmo. There was no one better than him for filtering out the BS.
richardbenson, you are the most supportive and inspiring person on WP. Your posts always make me smile. You are honest about how hard you work on your own attitude, and you go out of your way to give people the benefit of the doubt and make them feel welcome here. As far as I'm concerned, you are what WP should be about.
WP is suffering because of people like Ticker. I saw how she attacked the Ritvos when she got turned down for their research project on AS. She was all keen to volunteer, and then when she got rejected she turned around and started trashing them like she got dumped romantically or something. I never used to question anyone's AS diagnosis here, but she's one of a few whom I seriously doubt. There are several people on here now who claim to have AS but who actually behave like they have anything and everything but. They ruin the vibe and bring people down. It sucks.
I sure miss Kosmo. There was no one better than him for filtering out the BS.
Since you do now, what do you think of mine? Do you think I'm misdiagnosed? If so, what do you think I have instead? Am I maybe an NT who acts like an aspie because of my hearing loss?
I never thought anything about you either way, Calico. Why do you care what other people think anyway?
It always makes me cringe when I see someone saying lot of people on here don't have AS or when they say lot of people on here are NTs but think they have it because it makes me think do they think that of me too. Just makes me uncomfortable. And for people who doubts peoples diagnoses, I don't even bother telling them what mine is or what I have because I don't want to hear "Oh you don't have that."
Stop getting so hung up on your diagnoses, it wont do you any good whatsoever. You are who you are, not a quilt of labels.
10 Oct 2007, 9:24 pm
I often think that the diagnoses are next to useless. If I hadn't been diagnosed with schizophrenia I would probably be diagnosed ADHD or Aspergers or something else. I just caught the garbage dump diagnosis of the 1970s.
They actually don't know what a person can potentially do. A person who is afraid of animals as a child may grow up to be a lion whisperer. A person who is afraid of cars may become a race-car driver. The only point in knowing your limitations is to be able to overcome them.
10 Oct 2007, 11:30 pm
richardbenson wrote:
well in my case, i still live with my mom. my mom doesnt do my laundry, clean my room, or cook my food. our relationship is basically roomates, i pay for half of all the bills and such. if i have to go into town to do something i have to give her gas money. sometimes she makes me do yard work even if i hate doing it. despite what people think theres nothing wrong with living with your parents, the sole reason i do it is because i cant afford to live on my own where i currently reside, so alot of factors play into people still living with there parents, you cant really judge everyone based on how you function or by some dogma you have. everyone should be looked at on a case by case basis
I guess that's the way I try to view it and that's how it is for me. I like what you said here since I struggle with the fact that I just recently moved out of my apartment and in with my parents. It wouldn't be so bad if society didn't deem it as wrong and claim you're a loser if you live with your parents once you pass a certain age. It's simply not true. What difference does it make if it's your parents you live with or some girl and some guy you met somewhere? I don't know enough people to get a roommate and I'm too uncomfortable with people to just go get one in some ad. I have one friend and she's married so shacking up with her isn't an option.
I believe if I wasn't an Aspie, life would be a little easier and I don't think I would rely on my parents as much as I have throughout my life. I once read in an Aspergers book that some family member of an Aspie questioned how their child seemed so smart but has such a hard time and can't get it together. I sometimes wonder if the family member wasn't my Dad, I'm joking, but he has said that about me many times before my Dx. I'm so disorganized with stuff, especially my finances. Like you said, everyone should be looked at on a case by case basis, no 2 people are alike, Aspie or not. I wish I was one of them who was obsessively organized and had awesome math or science skills and those be my obsessive interests but I'm not. So I can only do the best I can with what I've got.
Since my parents are older now though and my sister lives with them too because of an illness, I'm able to help them out too. So that makes it more worth it for them and I have to pay on the bills too.
11 Oct 2007, 4:03 am
I'd like to say to people who think people who live at home with their parents are losers, "So you're saying someone who's on drugs, because they can't cope living alone is cool? Do you think a woman who accidentally gets pregnant by her boyfriend, she's living with is a cool thing to experience? Do you think living pratically homeless, because you don't have the skills to deal with society because people don't accept the Neurodiverse is cool?"
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15 Nov 2007, 7:03 am
LadyMacbeth wrote:
Ok, so maybe some use their "problems" as excuses, but many on here that I've paid attention to are actually incapable of working, at least full-time.
From my own experience.. I was not mollycoddled or sheltered any ANY way whatsoever. I was forced to go onto further education despite my social anxiety (known now, wasn't diagnosed at that point), and I still failed miserably. I got a job that was full-time, with ppl I couldn't relate to no matter how much I tried. I worked my arse off, moreso than my NT workmates, yet THEY were the ones kept on after the 6-month contract. The whole experience left me depressed, confused, exhausted and broken. I then got screamed at by my mother to get a new job and "do it right this time", so I signed onto an agency and got a contract in an office. It was a really easy job, but repetitive, and boring, and my ADHD tendencies came out. It made me even more depressed, I couldn't relate yet again to my coworkers, and I was bullied due to my placid and nervous (not to mention odd) nature. I had to quit. I tried, but it just didn't work for me or my mental and physical health. I spent a year with no work, but I decided to go to university, and failed that, too. I was living independently with two other ppl, and started getting abused by one of them, again due to my oddness. I couldn't handle the uni thing (independent study and I don't mix), and so I got even more depressed, to the point of wanting to die. I got into more debt than I should've done, due to the fear of phones and contacting ppl.
At the moment, I am working part-time as a barmaid and living with my partner. It used to be near enough to full time, but it caused me many meltdowns and I have to be asked to come in and help out if needed AT LEAST two hours before, so I can psyche myself up for it. So I'm working, but it drains me, and I can't do full-time due to EXPERIENCE of full-time jobs if I want to keep healthy.
So, Ticker, sometimes you CAN'T just "get over it". I tried. I still have to depend on my partner to ring ppl up for me. I still have to depend on ppl to help me with shopping. I still have to depend on benifits to help my monthly income. I apologise if my need for sanity annoys you.
From my own experience.. I was not mollycoddled or sheltered any ANY way whatsoever. I was forced to go onto further education despite my social anxiety (known now, wasn't diagnosed at that point), and I still failed miserably. I got a job that was full-time, with ppl I couldn't relate to no matter how much I tried. I worked my arse off, moreso than my NT workmates, yet THEY were the ones kept on after the 6-month contract. The whole experience left me depressed, confused, exhausted and broken. I then got screamed at by my mother to get a new job and "do it right this time", so I signed onto an agency and got a contract in an office. It was a really easy job, but repetitive, and boring, and my ADHD tendencies came out. It made me even more depressed, I couldn't relate yet again to my coworkers, and I was bullied due to my placid and nervous (not to mention odd) nature. I had to quit. I tried, but it just didn't work for me or my mental and physical health. I spent a year with no work, but I decided to go to university, and failed that, too. I was living independently with two other ppl, and started getting abused by one of them, again due to my oddness. I couldn't handle the uni thing (independent study and I don't mix), and so I got even more depressed, to the point of wanting to die. I got into more debt than I should've done, due to the fear of phones and contacting ppl.
At the moment, I am working part-time as a barmaid and living with my partner. It used to be near enough to full time, but it caused me many meltdowns and I have to be asked to come in and help out if needed AT LEAST two hours before, so I can psyche myself up for it. So I'm working, but it drains me, and I can't do full-time due to EXPERIENCE of full-time jobs if I want to keep healthy.
So, Ticker, sometimes you CAN'T just "get over it". I tried. I still have to depend on my partner to ring ppl up for me. I still have to depend on ppl to help me with shopping. I still have to depend on benifits to help my monthly income. I apologise if my need for sanity annoys you.
Hmm. Try for a job in a library or an archives. In my experience, just about everyone who works in a library or an archives is "strange" by popular standards. Unlike the corporate world, they're allowed to have an actual personality, and aren't looked at askance if "keeping up with the Joneses" is simply not a priority for them. Curiosity, needing private time, and liking quiet are considered normal traits, not dysfunctional or abberant ones. Those who have no class, or are loud, ignorant, deceitful, distrustful of intelligence -- for want of a better term, people with poor white trash personalities -- tend to not even make it through the interviewing stage, let alone get hired. Due to this selectivity, incidences of hypersociality, backstabbing, and stupidity are very low.
On top of that, if you show up regularly and put in an honest day's work, you'll practically have to be screaming obscenities at people or setting fire to things before they'd fire you. Hehe.
It's all about finding your niche.
15 Nov 2007, 7:46 am
Danielismyname wrote:
40% of those with AS/HFA achieve "independence"; 2-15% over the whole spectrum (AS/HFA included).
The statistics aren't that "good".
The statistics aren't that "good".
Well, there is always the question of what independence means. But my regular definition, really, probably only about 40% of those that are NT achieve independence! Subsidies of various types only make it APPEAR to be higher.
