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ACG
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01 Dec 2007, 6:00 pm

Hi!

I'm finally in a relationship with someone (an NT girl who's getting a doctorate in astrophysics) and we were discussing children. She doesn't want children. I may.

Then something occurred to me -- SHOULD I have children? What are the risks that an Aspie adult will have an autistic child? If it's more than maybe 10-15% I'm almost thinking it may not be worth the risk. I may want children, but if it's not a very good idea...

Thanks in advance,

ACG


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OregonBecky
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01 Dec 2007, 6:24 pm

ACG wrote:
Hi!

I'm finally in a relationship with someone (an NT girl who's getting a doctorate in astrophysics) and we were discussing children. She doesn't want children. I may.

Then something occurred to me -- SHOULD I have children? What are the risks that an Aspie adult will have an autistic child? If it's more than maybe 10-15% I'm almost thinking it may not be worth the risk. I may want children, but if it's not a very good idea...

Thanks in advance,

ACG


My extended family is full of aspie traits. My aspy husband and I are the only ones, however, who ever had a profoundly autistic child.
I think that the younger generations of aspies are looking at bright futures. There are a lot of us older aspies who now have a clue and are trying to enlighten the world about what wonderfully exciting traits aspies have and how we need to make the most of their immense curiousity and inventiveness.


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pandabear
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01 Dec 2007, 6:32 pm

I'm aspie, and I have children.



Postperson
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01 Dec 2007, 7:17 pm

I'm childfree.

I have sensitive hearing and couldn't take the noise. Plus I don't want someone else to have to put up with the stuff I have to put up with. Plus, it's all just too visceral, too fleshy for me. Plus, plus plus plus whatevah, not for me. no.

If you're unsure, the best way to find out is to spend lotsa time around kids.



ACG
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01 Dec 2007, 7:23 pm

I like kids a lot, and kids love me. However, I have no idea how to take care of them! I also hate to think about cleaning up after them, lack of sleep, and so forth.

Maybe I shouldn't have kids of my own and just play with my friends' kids...

ACG


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quirky
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01 Dec 2007, 7:29 pm

I wonder about that myself. Would it be selfish of me to have a kid, if I have mild autism? I love kids, and they respond really well to me. However, I have a really hard time dealing with people my own age (I'm 18.) I feel like once my child hit the preteen years, I'd be an awful parent. I just hate teenage behavior. I'd probably get irrationally annoyed if my daughter went on about her boyfriend, if she wanted to party, if she acted phony and 'cool' and was too into fashion - teens are transparent to me. My mom is very strict - she raised me and my sister so that we didn't even want to drink or have sex as teens (My sister is much more popular and social than I am but even she makes good choices and picks good friends/boyfriends). However, the way she accomplished that was insane at times. I feel like I can't be that controlling and strict, but I feel like without the results she got, I'd be disappointed in my children when they hit their teen years. I would take it as a personal insult that they'd engage in foolish behavior and lie to me about it. Also, I wouldn't really want to go out and socialize with other kids' parents - I'd be an awful soccer mom. And I'd feel awful passing it on - I'm all for autism acceptance, but I still wouldn't want my kids to have to deal with what I did.



TheZach
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01 Dec 2007, 8:08 pm

I worry about having children myself (if i ever get in a relationship). I wonder if its a good idea for me to or if I should just adopt or what.


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lelia
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01 Dec 2007, 8:20 pm

I don't know what the statistics are, but I gave birth to three children: the first a very bright neurotypical; the second with retardation, autism, bipolar, OCD, seizure disorder, and nonverbal (Though she does a wonderful imitation of a wookie.), and the third a very bright aspie, perhaps more affected than me. I got sick and didn't trust what I would produce anymore, so I adopted two normal children, but one of the was NOT normal, she has Fetal Alchohol Effect, and frankly, I prefer dealing with autism.



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01 Dec 2007, 10:25 pm

I would like to get married someday and have children, but with possible AS, my advanced age (43) and a seizure disorder and the medication used to treat it, I worry about a child I might have. I think cats are easier to take care of.



Space
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01 Dec 2007, 11:17 pm

I don't want to have kids, but it has nothing to do with the chance of them having AS or Autism. Also, NT parents can have kids with AS or Autism, so that alone is not a valid reason why someone should not have kids IMO.



LogicGenerator
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01 Dec 2007, 11:31 pm

ACG wrote:
I like kids a lot, and kids love me. However, I have no idea how to take care of them! I also hate to think about cleaning up after them, lack of sleep, and so forth.

Maybe I shouldn't have kids of my own and just play with my friends' kids...

ACG
I'm ASD. I have two autistic children. If you don't want to be a parent and your partner doesn't, by all means avoid getting pregnant. Kids are messy and take up all of your free time. Autistic children seem to take more than you have.

I heard somewhere that someone with autism will have a 70% chance of having an autistic child.
My brother, whom I believe has ASD, has three sons who I believe have ASD. And he has an NT wife.



aspiegirl2
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02 Dec 2007, 5:48 am

Although I'm a little young to start thinking about kids, I was thinking about if I would want to have kids or not. I would want to have a kid or two; I think it would be interesting to see a person that was partially like you. Yet I'm unsure if I'd be a good mom, if I'd be able to empathize correctly with them. It may change as I gradually get older and learn new social skills, but with that part I'm unsure. I don't know if kids like me and I'm not extremely firm. Yet this is also another one of those things where I'll need to wait awhile: I'm starting to become a lot more firm as I keep attending college, or keep spending time in the "real" world. I think if I did have kids, I'd want to be married and I'd want it to happen later in life. I want to have time to grow and become more responsible as an adult and have time to get a stable job after college, plus fulfill a couple life goals before I'm off to changing diapers, feeding kids, and being a parent. I think it would be worth while after all that work.


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crazyllama
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02 Dec 2007, 1:58 pm

My wife really wants to have kids. I think my biggest concern is can I make enough $$$$ to support my family. I think I could be a good father and I know my wife would be great mother (even though she is NT...lol).



OregonBecky
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02 Dec 2007, 2:07 pm

I think NTs mothers do a better job at school commiitees and all those other things that require bonding and teamwork with other parents. There is so much to keep track of. My husband and I both need an NT wife to help to NT things. Raising children is built around an NT culture.

That being said, I was my children's best advocate in some ways because the educators didn't understand autism spectrum temperaments nearly as much as I did.


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Rynessa
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03 Dec 2007, 9:27 pm

Whether or not you like other peoples' kids is no indication of how you will feel about your own. And a lot of people don't know how to care for a baby until they have one.
So don't let those issues make your decision.

Further, so what if your child is Aspie? It's certainly not the worst thing to be. In fact, I think the most difficult thing about it is feeling alone and misunderstood, and since you will be there to help, you child will be luckier than most of us. I mean, do you wish you weren't born just because of AS? I'm sure your wife doesn't. :wink: