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Asking a girl up to your place after 1st date.Inappropriate?

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wsmac
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29 Dec 2007, 1:26 am

gwenevyn wrote:
It might not even occur to me to think beyond the literal implications of the invitation. I would not equate "want to come over?" with "want to have sex?" But this explains some funny situations I've been in. :lol: My dad was the same way. He told me that once in college he took a girl out on a date and when they got back on campus she asked him if he'd like to come up and see her dorm room. He replied, "No, thank you. All of the dorm rooms have the same basic design."


I'm not a girl, but I think it would depend on how the question was interpreted and how it was meant to be interpreted.

I've invited women to my house before with no thoughts of having sex or even kissing.
I have been invited in to women's homes with no expectation that there was going to be anything other than more conversation and an opportunity to see someone's stuff.
I like seeing places I have not seen before... I like to see if they have books and which ones they are, furniture, artwork, the different appliances they may have in their kitchens... stuff like that.

I'm trying to remember a time when being invited in to a girl's home made me think there was going to be sex involved.
I really don't think it has happened unless we had discussed it beforehand.


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Gamester
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29 Dec 2007, 2:59 am

I'd say it all depends.


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29 Dec 2007, 4:41 am

Yes, it doesn't necessarily have to mean anything more than a simple invitation to look at the place.


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29 Dec 2007, 6:24 am

kicken18 wrote:
I think I will be the contraversial one on this one, but I would say, it all depends on the situation. I mean put it this way, I've been with girls and slept with them pretty quickly, but we still had nice relationships together, it didn't really matter how quickly we slept together. At the end of the day, if you feel it's right, then why not, not harming anyway. Ok ok, the whole feeling thing can be difficult for us aspies, but, it will either happen or not if you both want it to.

I take the view on, it doesn't matter if it's "appriopriate" or not, I am not anyone else but me, I mean f**k knows how my gf puts up with my boring convo, other people might lable that "inapropriate"...Just see what happens, there is no right or wrong answer unfortunatly, which makes this difficult for us lot ay?


what kicken says.

if we are actually talking about sex:

if i like the date a lot (ie enough to consider them as a potential bf) i will likely not have many qualms about sleeping with them 1st or 2nd date. don't see why there should be any moral judgement here - i'd just be expressing the kind of person i am once in a relationship anyway - ie sex is an important feature (another facet of communication), and not something that should be measured out like a bargaining tool.



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30 Dec 2007, 1:26 am

things change. When I was still dating, it wasn't inappropriate, but your odds were slim on a 1st date..;) usually 2nd or 3rd. I was once told that if you didn't press for a kiss on the 1st date, but called back, your chances on date 2 went waay up..;)

of course, women vary, so there's no hard or fast rule (no pun intended..;)



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31 Dec 2007, 11:04 am

I feel that it's ok to do it on the third date. Any earlier and it would be considered promiscuity.

I cannot be with someone who is wanting to wait until marriage, especially since my last girlfriend wanted to wait 5 years to get married (she didn't give any reasons, it was just a number she randomly chose). That was more damaging to the relationship than the fact that she lived 1,200 miles away.

Tim


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kicken18
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31 Dec 2007, 2:57 pm

Yeah a good point discussed. Girls have been coming round my house since I was about...what like 12-13 didn’t mean we was going to have sex just hang out, I mean sure a lot of times we did have sex, not at 12 however lol later on, but I ask people round just as it's some where to go. I mean been out a lot of times with the lads met some girls, asked them back to whoever’s place, don't mean were going to shag, sure sometimes it did, but a lot of times not.

From what I can see of people saying its "inappropriate" I get the feeling either I'm just living in a different world, or things for 21 year old bloke from England is vastly different since none of my friends are AS but think pretty much same as me with inviting people back etc



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31 Dec 2007, 7:37 pm

I'm a guy and I say it is very inapproppriate.

If the stronger half asks the other to the house/apartment on the first date, it is considered promiscuity. No second date.


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31 Dec 2007, 7:40 pm

The first poster just said "Up to his place", not sex, so no. I don't see anything inappropriate about inviting a date back to your home or apartment after a date. I've invited dates back to my apartment plenty of times without having sex with them. I even had a boyfriend stay with me without having sex with him.


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