Rules of Attraction for Aspie Women

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I feel that way all the time whenever something good goes my way, and usually it does end up being too good to last.

I see your point, but it's kind of hard to remain hopeful after some many tries that have gone nowhere. I have gotten better at being alone. Never used to it, no one can get used to it, but I can go for long periods of time without anyone.

yeah, we all go through that cynical-ness, too. I have no idea why guys I am attacted to take a powder, skip out, tell me they have 'met someone' (like I am supposed to know what that means!) when I start to get interested. My problem is I always take it personally and my feelings get hurt.

Merle

What are supposed to do when you're attracted to someone? Act like your not intersted? Of course you're going to connect with them. That's what I don't understand anymore. Why can't anyone ever reciprocrate my feelings? Am I that horrible? If you were to look at my dating record, you would think that I'm some hideous monster from the depths of hell the way women have discarded me. My heart is filled with anger, saddness, and despair right now. I'm glad they cut my hours, because I just feel like being alone right now in my bed sleeping my life away.

I don't know, dear. I really don't know. I do know that there are many many years to go before you should toss in the towel. After my third husband, I was in a real decline, self confidence wise. My first was killed in Viet Nam, and my second . . oh, I was in really bad shape after he left and then(much) later died in the Loma Prieta earth quake but after Robert I literally thought I was going to kill myself to just not feel the pain of loss of love anymore.

There were other relationships along the way, as well, and I guess you might see ME as some sort of monster, because sooner or later, they all had had a belly full of me, or me a belly full of them.

People will eventually reciprocate your feelings, because people are wired to do that. Sometimes, you dodge a bullet because they 'break up' with you before you expend all that (eventually wasted) emotion on to them. Mostly they will end relationships with us because they can see we are whole hearted and naive enough to think that they will be whole hearted as well. THAT is usually what scares them off. They are not ready, nor do they want someone that is not 'playing a game.'

and other than our feelings getting hurt ( and they do!) we are really much better off with out those types of folks.

Merle

don't be offended or take it personally if she withdraws, or says something rude or offensive or strange (it will likely be just as an automatic defense mechanism, like a nervous habit reaction ... not because she really means it, this happens). This is just fear of intimacy, or rejection issues which i think a lot of us autistics have. So if you really like her, be kind and give second chances with the behavior. Don't use nasty humor or lots of joking insults thats a good rule for all people but some women can take it it seems and do the same, but I would suggest being just very straightforward - no word games, jests, etc... and don't sound like you have a lot of big idealizations or expectations of her, because it might scare her, she might worry that she could never measure up, she could have had that happen in the past, ie: as an autistic you have the memory of often letting down peoples expectations socially or personally and that can lead to just wanting to close up and not risk dissapointing someone ever again. Like, it might sound romantic to say for instance, "your perfect, your all i've ever wanted in a person etc..." (valentine's day card stuff) but she might take it literally and be scared that she could never possibly measure up and will dissapoint you tragically, at the least it could cause a lot of anxiety. Really compliment, if you want to be romantic, things that cannot ultimatly dissapoint or change, that shes not in control of or has to control - like "I love your eye color, hair color, or smile...or taste in music etc..." This is just as nice but less panic inducing. Don't make her accountable or responsible for too much in the relationship, it could be too much stress for her at this time. Be lighthearted and forgiving and take her serioulsly but not her behavior too seriously (ie - take what she says or does, because a lot of it could be autistic defensive mechanisms or part of the greiving process as well right now).
You already sound very with it, I'm sure you'll do so well. Good luck.