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nominalist
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17 Feb 2008, 3:37 pm

earthmom wrote:
Nice new avatar, by the way nominalist.


Thank you. ;-)

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Can anybody wager a guess as to what may be wrong with him? This has to be some sort of condition or mental illness, I would think.


I do not give much credit to online speculations about someone else's possible diagnoses (least of all my own speculations). However, if I had to guess, I would say schizotypal personal disorder:

http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disor ... ypalpd.htm


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earthmom
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17 Feb 2008, 3:42 pm

Just to add, whenever we do talk about this, and I point out that he contributes not one dollar to the bills and doesn't help with the house in any way, etc, he says that my perspective is off and I look at the world differently and can't see clearly what's going on, things like that. He tries to make me doubt myself and says because I'm AS I don't understand things and I'm wrong.

If I ask anyone who is NT about even a small portion of this, they immediately tell me that's not right and I need to kick him out. Then he flips out and says that I shouldn't tell my problems to strangers and that they only know what I told them, and my side of it is messed up because my perception is off. It's a big circle and he can talk me into thinking the sky is green and the grass is blue!



earthmom
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17 Feb 2008, 3:50 pm

nominalist wrote:
earthmom wrote:
Nice new avatar, by the way nominalist.


Thank you. ;-)

Quote:
Can anybody wager a guess as to what may be wrong with him? This has to be some sort of condition or mental illness, I would think.


I do not give much credit to online speculations about someone else's possible diagnoses (least of all my own speculations). However, if I had to guess, I would say schizotypal personal disorder:

http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disor ... ypalpd.htm


I understand totally that one cannot make a diagnosis about someone else, especially a person you haven't met. That definition sounds pretty close. I was really pulling for someone here who may know someone that sounds like him and know what their disorder is so I can get a clue.

He went for many years not working at all and just sitting home watching tv and online while I worked and took care of the kids and took care of the house. He would help with none of it. But when he does work, like now, it's an hourly job, never enough to help out the household, spends the money he makes on himself and mostly on fast food and health supplements and books and tapes about his causes.

When he does work, he has never ever missed a day (it's been over a year now), he is personable, charming, everyone loves him. He's the friendly old security guard. He dresses clean and sharp, perfect uniform that is pressed and clean. Around the house he wears the same sweat shirt and sweatpants for weeks. He loves his job because it affords him a great deal of time to talk to people and he 'helps' them. He tells them about the conspiracy stuff and all these magical alternative health things and always finds an audience. Our kids have always said he should have become a cult leader.

That definition points to him not having any friends at all, which is true. He has the acquaintances at work but in real life he has never had one person as a friend. I'm not sure I can say too much about that though. I have a few friends but they're not close. As an aspie it's not unusual to not have many friends.

Any ideas on how in the world you get someone like this to be evaluated or to get help? An additional problem is we don't have health insurance nor much money (I would have to pay for it) but even if we did, he would never go, not in a million years.



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17 Feb 2008, 4:04 pm

MrMark wrote:
The only true conspiricists that I know about is that Skull & Bones group. They see themselves as masters of the world.
really?


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nominalist
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17 Feb 2008, 4:33 pm

earthmom wrote:
Any ideas on how in the world you get someone like this to be evaluated or to get help? An additional problem is we don't have health insurance nor much money (I would have to pay for it) but even if we did, he would never go, not in a million years.


This page discusses that subject:

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx33t.htm


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17 Feb 2008, 4:42 pm

Thanks Mark. But he thinks of himself as much, much smarter and 'more aware' than any doctor on earth. He would never lower himself to go in to talk to one.



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17 Feb 2008, 5:05 pm

Sorry to sound harsh, but I think you need to give him an ultimatum (with a clear deadline): Either get a full-time job and contribute financially to the household, or help with housework, or get medical help, or you file for divorce. The NT world would agree that if he's making no contribution to the household, and is not willing to get help, it is an unfair and undeserved burden on you. YOU are the healthy one here, and while he may be NT, he is not normal nor healthy, and very selfish.
It seems to be a pattern with how conspiracy theorists reason that any source that agrees with them deserves instant credence, and anything that even casts doubt on their worldview is automatically spurious, regardless of the nature of any actual evidence (or lack thereof) presented. Nominalist is absolutely right. That he tells you you don't understand because of AS seems part of this.
By continuing the current state of affairs, you're not helping him and you're harming yourself.


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17 Feb 2008, 7:15 pm

earthmom wrote:
On the other hand I truly don't think I can function in the world without him. It may be an unfounded fear but it's real to me. I have kicked him out 2 times and each time I had anxiety and panic attacks off the charts - couldn't sleep, melted down over and over and over. I wasn't functioning so I took him back.


You have told us about the negatives and hinted at the positives. It will help us understand better why you keep him and it may help yourself too if you are willing to talk more about the positive aspects of this man.



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17 Feb 2008, 7:29 pm

never attribute to conspiracy that which can be explained by stupidity...;)

I listen to talk radio a lot (Stephanie Miller, Rush Limbaugh, and Randy Rhodes...a moderate, conservative, and radical...would really bend an NT's mind to go through that..;). I don't believe in conspiracies (well, not in successful ones, anyways..;). There are always people trying to make shortcuts through the government. Things are not fair, and some people have too much power...but that's always been true. The only thing that changes are the faces...;)

Security guard is a dead end. Did that for 5 years as a yute, and couldn't wait to get out of it. Spending 8 hours on 3rd shift reading paperbacks (this was the early 80s) may be comfortable, but you don't really get much more money. But you can always go to school, improve your own skill set, and tell the guy 'I'm going places...you coming along?". Maybe that will get his attention.



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17 Feb 2008, 8:44 pm

MrMark wrote:
My wife used to have talk incessantly about her day. When she started repeating herself, I'd tell her that she needed to call her girlfriends now and and tell them about her day.

It sounds like his obsession is severe enough to be considered clinical. Medication might be an option.


I've noticed this trait in several people, I'm worried this may become an epidemic, should we inform the authorities? 8O



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17 Feb 2008, 9:19 pm

earthmom I suggest the neurodiverse amonst us may attract the neurodiverse, or in my case dare I suggest the damaged. The fact you two have made it this far is to your credit, is any relationship perfect? Whatever the outcome try not to have to have regrets as this is your path through life, do not measure it as a failure, it has been that way, learn from it and carry on. You have done well.



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17 Feb 2008, 10:16 pm

Heron wrote:
earthmom I suggest the neurodiverse amonst us may attract the neurodiverse, or in my case dare I suggest the damaged. The fact you two have made it this far is to your credit, is any relationship perfect? Whatever the outcome try not to have to have regrets as this is your path through life, do not measure it as a failure, it has been that way, learn from it and carry on. You have done well.


That's well said, Heron.

And it's the point that I keep returning to. There is no doubt that we love each other and have depended on each other for a very long time. We're not the Brady Bunch but we have limped along this far.

What has me upset is the increased amount of time and energy on these End of the World theories. It used to be he'd spend alot of time on them and all that, but he would come out of it and participate in other things. Now it's nonstop. Even if you get him away from the house, away from the internet, he has an MP3 player with more shows on it stuck in his ear. If you can get every single thing shut off, he will talk about nothing else except 80% of the population is going to be killed off and we won't be able to afford to buy the most basic food soon and the man made diseases they're unleashing on us and on and on and on.

It seems like it's getting worse. Maybe it's due in part to his age (?)



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17 Feb 2008, 10:20 pm

Zeno wrote:
earthmom wrote:
On the other hand I truly don't think I can function in the world without him. It may be an unfounded fear but it's real to me. I have kicked him out 2 times and each time I had anxiety and panic attacks off the charts - couldn't sleep, melted down over and over and over. I wasn't functioning so I took him back.


You have told us about the negatives and hinted at the positives. It will help us understand better why you keep him and it may help yourself too if you are willing to talk more about the positive aspects of this man.


He puts up with me and that's not easy at times.

He's a great listener. He's the calmest person I've ever met and that off sets me when I'm in hyper drive.

He was really happy and supportive when I found out I was AS. It made as much sense to him as it did to me and he has embraced it and tried to help me.

I just cannot figure out how to deal with the wave of negativity that has encompassed him. The only thing I can do is stay away, don't even have a conversation because no matter what it starts off with it quickly goes to something about us all dying or being put out in the street soon or the new world order or something. I want to be with him but he seems to be surrounded by this negative cloud and to protect myself I need to stay away from it.

I guess what I was asking about earlier too is does this sound normal or does it sound like an illness or maybe a phase or ?



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17 Feb 2008, 11:01 pm

It sounds like he's falling deeper and deeper into paranoia. You say you've been with him too long and love him too much to leave him, and he thinks too highly of himself to stoop to seek treatment, so this thread of discussion is essentially pointless.



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18 Feb 2008, 7:55 am

NeantHumain wrote:
It sounds like he's falling deeper and deeper into paranoia. You say you've been with him too long and love him too much to leave him, and he thinks too highly of himself to stoop to seek treatment, so this thread of discussion is essentially pointless.


Yes. His behaviour is clearly abnormal and unhealthy. If you are both unwilling to help yourselves, this thread is pointless.
If you can't even have a conversation with him anymore, isn't the relationship dead, however good it may have been in the past? If you can cope without any actual help from him, isn't it obvious you have the capacity for coping without him? However understanding he may have been of AS in the past, he is using it against you now.
People change, and mental illness can cause particularly dramatic changes, I've seen it happen.


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