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Zeno
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18 Feb 2008, 8:02 am

earthmom wrote:
He puts up with me and that's not easy at times.

He's a great listener. He's the calmest person I've ever met and that off sets me when I'm in hyper drive.

He was really happy and supportive when I found out I was AS. It made as much sense to him as it did to me and he has embraced it and tried to help me.

I just cannot figure out how to deal with the wave of negativity that has encompassed him. The only thing I can do is stay away, don't even have a conversation because no matter what it starts off with it quickly goes to something about us all dying or being put out in the street soon or the new world order or something. I want to be with him but he seems to be surrounded by this negative cloud and to protect myself I need to stay away from it.

I guess what I was asking about earlier too is does this sound normal or does it sound like an illness or maybe a phase or ?


It does sound like the positives are pretty good. How many husbands or wives can say that their spouse listens to them and supports them? But getting all wound up in conspiracy theories is not normal. However, if you are on the spectrum, then like myself you should also acknowledge that you are not "normal" either. And it is not really okay to be autistic in the sense that I would rather not have meltdowns and the witness the impact that such episodes can have on those around me (it is probably the same for you too) but there is nothing that I can do about it. When it is all said and done, we all need some one some time and we can only ask others to accept us for who we are if we are willing to accept others for what they are.

From what you have written, it does sound like your husband has had it rough too. His wife took the kids and left him - twice; he never really has any money because he works crap hourly wage jobs; the kids do not really respect him; your family thinks the worst of him; and everyone thinks that you should leave him; on top of all of that his wife melts down and he has to deal with it. Frankly, I would be depressed too if I were him.

I am not sure what you can do about it, but this is my perspective as a younger man. If you want to keep this relationship for the time that is left then show him some respect. He is right about not telling your marital problems to others because they will never get the whole picture and it will only be your side of the story. What they tell you is likely what you want to hear because that is how you have presented the situation. But it may not be what you need or even what is right. All you would do is end up humiliating him when all he might have wanted was to walk down the street with some semblance of pride. By unburdening yourself, it actually makes things worse.

Just remember that he does not seem to be all bad.



earthmom
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18 Feb 2008, 7:08 pm

Thanks to the last couple of posters for saying this thread is pointless.

My hope is that at some point in the future when you are stressed or seeking help, others will turn to you and tell you that you are pointless and to go away.



anbuend
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18 Feb 2008, 7:35 pm

And aside from that... I'd like to ask those particular posters how easy "help" is to get, and whether they would know it's really help.

Because most people are told to turn to psychiatry when things go wrong like this. That's the standard line. That's what "get help" usually means in this context. But most people who've had enough experience with psychiatry are aware that it often doesn't have any help to offer.

It's really easy to say "Get help" from a distance, it's not so easy to actually get it. Going to a psychiatrist would be going through the ritual motions that tell everyone else "Here is a responsible person for Getting Help." But that's often all it is, going through the motions. The end results of doing so are quite often either as if you never got help (only you're out a lot of money), or as if you got something that's rather the opposite of help.

So I'd say to anyone acting like there's some easy solution to this that it's really easy to judge from the outside "This person should get help," it's quite another when you're in the situation, and you know that either you or someone close to you needs help, but you have absolutely no clue where to get it for real. As in, not going through the motions to appease other people, but to actually help you with your problems or the other person's problems. Because that real kind of help is a lot harder to get, and there are many risks involved (as in, lives can be seriously messed up by this if not destroyed) in getting the regular kind of "help".

I'm not saying this to scare anyone off of getting assistance if that's what they need, but it's not some utopian world where people in these fields know what they're doing and are trying to help people. So don't judge people so fast for not "getting help", it's more complicated than that.


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That_Other_Guy
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18 Feb 2008, 11:18 pm

MrMark wrote:
The only true conspiricists that I know about is that Skull & Bones group. They see themselves as masters of the world.


Ever heard of Scientology? Not only are they a Conspiracy of Conspiracy Theorists, A Criminal Cult, and a Scam in general, they are huge supporters of Defeat Autism Now, the Thimersol Nutjobs.

Copy-paste from Enturbulation:

Everybody knows that Scientology has an almost rabid outlook on psychiatry and what they deem psychiatric labels. Its so bad that Xenu-lover John Travolta is allegedly hiding the fact of his son’s autism for fear of offending his masters in Scientology.

Scientologists have a natural theoretical affinity with the mercury militia and in particular the DAN![Defeat Autism Now] ideology. They are firmly against medication and firmly in favour of ‘detoxification’ when combined with saunas. The belief is that detoxification ‘loosens’ the toxins which are then sweated out in intense saunas. Sounds familiar right?

...

Are there any scientologists targeting autism? Oh yes. Scary but true.

There is Nancy Mullan, MD, nutritional psychiatrist and Scientology owned Safe Harbor Medical Director. She attended a conference wherein she:

...reviews one of the most critical nutritional biochemical cycles which, when faulty, can contribute to autism, schizophrenia, depression, and bipolar disorder.

I’ve also been notified by commenter ‘culvercitycynic’ that Ms Mullan is also a registered DAN! doctor.

And here’s another Scientology front: Narconon Arrowhead. The Medical Director is a man named Gerald D. Wootan – he’s also a DAN doctor. Thank you to my anonymous friend who forwarded me that info )

Then there is Dr. Julian Whitaker who is with the Citizens Commission on Human Rights, established by the Church of Scientology to expose what the church calls psychiatric violations of human rights and who pushes a variety of CAM treatments including chelation. Guess who he’s friends with?
...



earthmom
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19 Feb 2008, 4:56 am

anbuend wrote:
And aside from that... I'd like to ask those particular posters how easy "help" is to get, and whether they would know it's really help.

Because most people are told to turn to psychiatry when things go wrong like this. That's the standard line. That's what "get help" usually means in this context. But most people who've had enough experience with psychiatry are aware that it often doesn't have any help to offer.

It's really easy to say "Get help" from a distance, it's not so easy to actually get it. Going to a psychiatrist would be going through the ritual motions that tell everyone else "Here is a responsible person for Getting Help." But that's often all it is, going through the motions. The end results of doing so are quite often either as if you never got help (only you're out a lot of money), or as if you got something that's rather the opposite of help.

So I'd say to anyone acting like there's some easy solution to this that it's really easy to judge from the outside "This person should get help," it's quite another when you're in the situation, and you know that either you or someone close to you needs help, but you have absolutely no clue where to get it for real. As in, not going through the motions to appease other people, but to actually help you with your problems or the other person's problems. Because that real kind of help is a lot harder to get, and there are many risks involved (as in, lives can be seriously messed up by this if not destroyed) in getting the regular kind of "help".

I'm not saying this to scare anyone off of getting assistance if that's what they need, but it's not some utopian world where people in these fields know what they're doing and are trying to help people. So don't judge people so fast for not "getting help", it's more complicated than that.


Thank you for an excellent post.



psych
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19 Feb 2008, 9:39 am

earthmom wrote:
Does anyone here focus on those kinds of conspiracy theories, or have anyone in your life who does? How do you deal with the overwhelming depression that comes from them?


This will be difficult to explain. I probably share a lot of common ground with your husband, but i do not feel overwhelmingly depressed or negative on a day-to-day basis (ok, perhaps a bit during winter). Through reading a wider range of scientific writings alongside the political stuff, ive developed a more spiritual/metaphysical outlook on life whereby i see reality & conciousness being composed of different levels - the physical world we see is an illusion and collectively, we create reality through belief. Being in a negative emotional state, whether its hatred, paranoia, dread, envy etc creates negative effects to manifest physically - which is a pretty good incentive to stay positive!

Theres nothing particularly harmful in conspiracy theories per se. Its the mindset in which their sometimes approached - paranoia and dread - that does the psychological damage. The negativity and depression is an issue all of its own - the interests he has may seem linked, but i dont think its helpful to view them as the cause of his depression. I think youve said that he doesnt do anything about it - wont grow his own food, doesnt get involved campaigning for awareness etc.

Perhaps you could encourage him to get involved with some sort of campaign to raise awareness of some of the issues - there is so much easily provable stuff that is accepted by the mainstream now - banking, environment, food additives, human rights abuses etc etc, or he could practice some type of eastern medicine - yoga, holistic therapy etc to helping spread postivity & light amongst people in your community. In the absence of a quantum-theoretical ephiphany, sitting around in apathy is just going to send him further down the spiral - but if he does something to feel empowered, builds something positive that can only help..



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19 Feb 2008, 10:36 am

Earthmom, I want to say firstoff, that I think that you're a very strong , loving woman. Your posts reflect that. It sounds like you have done a very good job in raising a family, and being a compassionate wife. You have my respect, as you have demonstrated an unconditional love for your husband that most people couldn't. He's lucky to have you.

Is it possible for you to maybe see someone by yourself to help you deal with your feelings about the situation? From the sound of it there would be very little chance that your husband would accompany you, but perhaps you could benefit from getting your own feelings out. A therapist could also give you some sort of direction on how to handle some of the negative aspects of your husband's behavior, so that you can start to direct him to the more positive behaviors that he used to have. Maybe, this isn't even close to a workable solution, but I thought that I'd least throw my 2 cents in. I hope things improve for you soon.



monty
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19 Feb 2008, 12:53 pm

That_Other_Guy wrote:
MrMark wrote:
The only true conspiricists that I know about is that Skull & Bones group. They see themselves as masters of the world.


Ever heard of Scientology? Not only are they a Conspiracy of Conspiracy Theorists, A Criminal Cult, and a Scam in general, they are huge supporters of Defeat Autism Now, the Thimersol Nutjobs.



But Scientology is largely a failure - they attach to susceptible victims and drain their wallets, but they aren't a real force in the world.



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19 Feb 2008, 7:49 pm

My (very AS-ish) mom is a hard-core conspiracy theorist. Toss any conspiracy theory out there and she will have something to say about it.
She believes the real Paul McCartney is dead.
She used to carry around a little disposable camera that she used to photograph chem trails.
and so on and so on and so forth.
It is part of the reason why I am not so prone towards this kinda stuff.

She can get pretty upset if you question her beliefs on these things.

As a point of reference, she was born in 1950.



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19 Feb 2008, 8:19 pm

earthmom wrote:
Thanks to the last couple of posters for saying this thread is pointless.

My hope is that at some point in the future when you are stressed or seeking help, others will turn to you and tell you that you are pointless and to go away.

With the constraints you've mentioned, there's just no way to solve the problem. It's probably not going to spontaneously resolve. It looks like you're just trolling for sympathy.



anbuend
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19 Feb 2008, 8:44 pm

NeantHumain wrote:
earthmom wrote:
Thanks to the last couple of posters for saying this thread is pointless.

My hope is that at some point in the future when you are stressed or seeking help, others will turn to you and tell you that you are pointless and to go away.


With the constraints you've mentioned, there's just no way to solve the problem. It's probably not going to spontaneously resolve. It looks like you're just trolling for sympathy.


So if you don't happen to know the solution to a problem (which is what it really means when you say "there's just no way", since it's possible there's a solution you aren't able to think of), then people ought to just not mention the problem exists?

I mean... there's a possibility that someone could figure out a solution that neither you nor anyone on this thread has thought of yet.

There's also a possibility that she's just trying to get a handle on what the problem is, so she can figure out what to do about it. And there's a possibility that she just wants to know that the problem isn't unique, which can make it easier to deal with a problem (and is why a lot of people seem to post their problems here, so there's no need to single this one person out).

I just don't get why it's necessary to insult someone for mentioning a situation that you, personally, don't know how to solve.


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NeantHumain
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21 Feb 2008, 4:47 pm

anbuend wrote:
NeantHumain wrote:
earthmom wrote:
Thanks to the last couple of posters for saying this thread is pointless.

My hope is that at some point in the future when you are stressed or seeking help, others will turn to you and tell you that you are pointless and to go away.


With the constraints you've mentioned, there's just no way to solve the problem. It's probably not going to spontaneously resolve. It looks like you're just trolling for sympathy.


So if you don't happen to know the solution to a problem (which is what it really means when you say "there's just no way", since it's possible there's a solution you aren't able to think of), then people ought to just not mention the problem exists?

I mean... there's a possibility that someone could figure out a solution that neither you nor anyone on this thread has thought of yet.

There are solutions, but the constraints she has on the situation (she won't leave him; he refuses to seek treatment because he believes he doesn't have a problem) pretty much rule them out. She is left with a passive approach: waiting for him to spontaneously get better (and it sounds like he's been more or less paranoid all his life); wait until some other friend or relative persuades him (highly unlikely); or wait until either she or he dies (which isn't properly a solution but brings the problem to a technical close).



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21 Feb 2008, 4:49 pm

my EX hubby was a conspiracy theorist. drove me nuts! i think he has deeper issues though, since his dad told me he's been having paranoid delusions.



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21 Feb 2008, 5:08 pm

The Internet magnifies everything. A single person with a huge website can appear like a large company. Aspies and other autistics who previously would have been nearly totally isolated, or consigned to pen pal clubs, have now formed entire subculures. It has been similar for conspiracy theorists, like Alex Jones. If he had started his career a generation ago, almost no one would have heard of him.


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kitsunetsuki
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21 Feb 2008, 6:45 pm

You mentioned he has diabetes, if he isn't treating it high blood sugars can cause psychotic like symptoms, about 5 years ago my husband was spending most of his time running around with dangerously high blood sugars(how he avoided being in a coma I'll never know) and became paranoid violent and believed he had super powers among other things, I had to kick him out and threaten divorce (we actually did divorce for two years) before he got himself help. we've been back together for almost three years(remarried last year) after he did get help and start taking care of himself.He is back to the wonderful reasonable, supportive, intelligent pleasantly eccentric person he used to be for the first 14 years we were married. He wanted to change though and was unhappy with being crazy(how he described it) and separated from the kids and me. It sounds as though your husband has a lot of other issues, and your situation is rather different in that he has been always like this not it being a new thing. If it is a bad situation for you you do need to make an ultimatum and stick to it, being clear what your needs and expectations are and what he needs also, he may not even be happy with how things are and want change himself.

Also for you you need to make sure you take care of yourself and leaving a relationship can be scary and hard, but there are recourses out there that can help womens shelters groups and some agency s for people on the spectrum. I had supportive family., but is sounds like you do not.

As for asking for help in a post like this maybe peoples answers will help you think on what you need or want t do, but people can only give their opinions based on what you say and only you know what is actually what you need or think or perceive.