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Serissa
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17 Sep 2005, 4:45 pm

You ever heard the expression, "It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not?" I know someone who often wears a shirt that says that, and I finally called him on it.

If I put effort into making myself into a different and "loveable" person, than I damn well want to have that work for me. I'd rather be loved for who I'm not if I've been working at it. Being hated for who you are is respectable, or course, but honestly, I'd rather be able to "pass" as someone non-despicable.

Both people there said that was a "good point."

((Might I add, I generally hold little of my personality back, so I'm not saying everything I say or do is fake, but still, that is a problem I have with that statement.))

Another thing which I might add but didn't then is that human personality has a crapload of plasticity. I think I'm a much more likeable person now than I was as a kid, or maybe even than a couple of years ago. This is not to say I'm "better" but that I think I've matured, and am likely just more tolerable to be around now. I'm still the same person in that I still inhabit the same body, and have all of my memories, etc etc. But, I have changed enough that someone might use the metaphor on me to say, "You're a totally different person." ((Or at least I'd hope so, honestly. I was a nightmare as a child.))

((BTW, I considered putting this in the Romantic Relationship forum, but I think this goes better here, because there are types of platonic "love," the tee-shirt is ambiguous and needs to use precision-of-language IMO.))

((BTW BTW cool points for anyone who got that last literary reference.))



mikibacsi1124
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17 Sep 2005, 4:58 pm

Serissa wrote:
You ever heard the expression, "It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not?" I know someone who often wears a shirt that says that, and I finally called him on it.

If I put effort into making myself into a different and "loveable" person, than I dam* well want to have that work for me. I'd rather be loved for who I'm not if I've been working at it. Being hated for who you are is respectable, or course, but honestly, I'd rather be able to "pass" as someone non-despicable.

Both people there said that was a "good point."

((Might I add, I generally hold little of my personality back, so I'm not saying everything I say or do is fake, but still, that is a problem I have with that statement.))


But see, that's the thing. Working on improving yourself and making yourself a likeable person is not the same thing as "being someone you're not". IMHO, that phrase refers more to people who hold parts of themselves back or straight up pretend to be something they're not in order to be "loved". As you said, you're not doing that.



Sean
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17 Sep 2005, 4:58 pm

I would never put up a facade to be loved, but going through character building experiences to make a better person out of yourself and being loved for who you have become would be a good thing.



Tom
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17 Sep 2005, 4:59 pm

I try to fake confidence when I'm around people. I force myself to smile and look them in the eye. That's what I thought about while reading your post.



vetivert
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17 Sep 2005, 5:02 pm

i believe that quotation to be by Phlostigin Verdigris. do not ask me why, but is that a real name...? 8O



Tom
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17 Sep 2005, 5:09 pm

mikibacsi1124 wrote:

But see, that's the thing. Working on improving yourself and making yourself a likeable person is not the same thing as "being someone you're not". IMHO, that phrase refers more to people who hold parts of themselves back or straight up pretend to be something they're not in order to be "loved". As you said, you're not doing that.


Interesting, its something I've thought about a lot. I have to keep that distinction in mind.



Serissa
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17 Sep 2005, 5:14 pm

tom wrote:
mikibacsi1124 wrote:

But see, that's the thing. Working on improving yourself and making yourself a likeable person is not the same thing as "being someone you're not". IMHO, that phrase refers more to people who hold parts of themselves back or straight up pretend to be something they're not in order to be "loved". As you said, you're not doing that.


Interesting, its something I've thought about a lot. I have to keep that distinction in mind.


I'm not sure if people always make that distinction mentally, though. Where does the line dividing "self-improvement" and "faking it" lie?



Sean
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17 Sep 2005, 5:17 pm

The difference between self improvement / characer building and faking it is that you actually become the person you want to be through charcter building and ususally that person is a better person.



Serissa
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17 Sep 2005, 5:51 pm

Sean wrote:
The difference between self improvement / characer building and faking it is that you actually become the person you want to be through charcter building and ususally that person is a better person.


Ah. Good distinction. I feel better. ((I made myself a different person, but I've stayed largely different.))



nirrti_rachelle
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17 Sep 2005, 6:33 pm

The only people I would ever "fake it" for are those who sign my paycheck......or could potentially sign my paycheck. Other than that, if people can't accept me for who I am now, then why would I want their acceptance at all? Anyway, there's another saying I go by......

"It's better to be respected and disliked than to be loved and dis-respected."


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Serissa
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17 Sep 2005, 7:55 pm

nirrti_rachelle wrote:
The only people I would ever "fake it" for are those who sign my paycheck......or could potentially sign my paycheck. Other than that, if people can't accept me for who I am now, then why would I want their acceptance at all? Anyway, there's another saying I go by......

"It's better to be respected and disliked than to be loved and dis-respected."


THAT one I will agree with, mainly because you're actually less liekly to get negative responses from the former and the latter depending on what you're respected for. ((There is no gain to being simply disliked in and of itself, generally, unless you want everyone to avoid you, which can be acheived by simply not bathing.))



PhoenixKitten
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18 Sep 2005, 12:17 am

I think it's a question of integrity: would you rather be happy for the wrong reasons, or be unhappy for the right ones. I honestly can't decide... I suppose deep down I want to be who I am, but sometimes it's just so damn tempting to just try and please other people!


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