Will I be able to blend into society?

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I'm a 21 year old male who has been confused for most of his life because of some odd things that I have done since I was a kid. When I was a kid I would stand in front of the TV and jump continually whenever someone would play video games, or put on any cartoon that I liked or got me excited. As the years went by I continued to do similar things that would give me a sort of "high" like make noises (animal sounds, tongue clicking, etc) hand flapping, rocking my head back and forth, jumping, clapping, spinning things, etc. I also had weird obsessions with numbers and I loved to learn about different countries/cultures since I was a little kid. I've always felt the urge to do things like jumping, tapping my foot, flap my hand, etc. usually whenever I stare at a certain object that brings a feeling of euphoria in my body. I THINK that these symptoms sound aspergers like but I'm not 100% sure if what I have is aspergers because I have a lot of empathy for others (WAY more than most people feel for others), I have common sense (More than at least 75% of people), I read social cues really well, I didn't feel anxiety around people until I reached puberty (I've had bad social anxiety since I was 14 or so but this is mainly due to me feeling like a freak and not being able to relate to anybody) and well, not much else that I do really sounds like asperger's except for my "stims" and my obsessive behavior. I have been unemployed for over 3 years now because of my extreme social anxiety. This is mainly due from being traumatized as a child (I got teased a lot in my teenage years because I got caught a couple times performing strange stims). I hadn't even heard of the term aspergers until a little over a year now, before this I just figured that I had some kind of flawed brain that made me do these strange things.... Anyways, I have a question for you guys..... If I perhaps DO have aspergers, based on what I told you about me, do you think I would easily be able to make the transition from being a complete recluse for 3 years to getting my own apartment, getting a job, etc? The only major problem I have is the anxiety around other ppl, the "stims" or whatever they are are disturbing but I don't do them as much anymore. The only major "stim" I still do is I spend lots of time starting at objects (all sorts of objects, nothing really specific) and sometimes the urge to stim while staring at an object becomes so great that I will start tapping my foot or something. It feels great to relieve this tension. I think my social anxiety has gone down these past years but I can't be 100% certain because I have been a TOTAL recluse for 3 years, if I ever leave the house I will only do it late at night when everybody is asleep.

Anyways, does anybody have hope for me? It's a real drag living your life like a drone, I want to finally get a GF, get my own apartment, etc.



Thanks.

The transition from reclusiveness to being in the public eye needs to be gradual. Take the world in small doses, and don't feel obligated to travel too far out of your comfort zone, because anxiety is a bad thing for Aspies.

- D

I vote that you should definitely be able to live on your own, find a job, and meet someone to share your life with whether you have Asperger's or not. You will find on this site an amazing array of Aspies who lead great and inspiring lives. I definitely agree with Dracula that your transition should be gradual; you don't want to shock yourself. But there's no reason you should have to live your life in seclusion. Anxiety can be terrible, as I have that problem myself, though my experience of it doesn't sound exactly the same. I have known another guy who was housebound and I would say that the longer he resisted going out, the worse it started to feel for him. He eventually became too afraid to walk to the grocery store and just ordered pizza to be delivered to his apartment daily. (This person did not have Asperger's and I'm not relating him to you exactly.) I'd say that, if you want to start living your life, definitely start doing so! Don't delay or more time will pass. Are you living at home with family now? Perhaps they can help you in your goal of being more independent, gradually. Maybe just going out of the house with them for short intervals would be a good start. Let us know how it goes!

Strange stuff those teen years. It is over now.

You seem to know the role you want to play, so do it in limited events.

All at once is a bit to take on, but one little thing at a time, go to a store, buy something, go home.

The world is very different when you are older, give it a try.

Teen with teens is about as bad as it gets, deal with older people, they have seen a lot.

You can do it, one step at a time.

I had... and still have... a lot of difficulty with controlling stimming behavior. I'm able to control them 95% of the time in public, but they're always there, begging to come out.

One thing I've found that really helps is to take a stim and modify it in such a way that it is far less obvious and more socially acceptable, like tapping my hand lightly on my arm while my arm is folded or shaking my foot under the table while I'm in a meeting or something similar.

Does that sound like something you could do? Redirect your typical stimming behaviors and modify them according to the situation?

Obviously this is something that you can't modify overnight... but it's worth a shot!

If your anxiety is totally uncontrollable, I recommend trying some different meds. At least they will give you some freedom, and you should be able to leave the house. Don't expect a 'miracle pill' though, they don't exist. Meds will cover up the anxiety, until you learn how to control it. You will be 'foggy headed' and/or sluggish in the beginning but, it sounds like you are desperate and willing to try anything. Meds helped me greatly. I would probably still be living with my mother, without them, and today I barely feel their effects. For me, that period of sluggishness was well worth it, and also kinda pleasant. Just food for thought.

Hi pat666rick,

welcome to WP. [If i've not welcomed you already. If so...then welcome, again. lol]

I believe that wanting to gain independance is a great goal for you. Of course there is hope for you...but to succeed, you have to put in the effort. Nothing will change over-night. You wont wake up tomorrow, ridden of your social anxiety. Nor will you wake up every morning wanting the same thing...independance. Honestly, I don't think it would be easy for someone who has been a total reclusive for 3 years to suddenly change their ways. If you plan on getting out more, do it small amounts at a time, not all at once.
If i'm being totally honest, I don't think that ANYONE with AS can completely blend into society. There will always be something that makes them different from the majority, whether it be large or minute. You can try to "act" the part of an NT [non-autistic person], but you will never become one. The thing that every single person [whether on the spectrum or not] needs in this world to survive, are healthy coping strategies. If you have those, then great, if not...then maybe develop some BEFORE you decide to go into a massive supermarket on a busy day.

Anyway...good luck with your goals.

Thanks for replying guys. I figured I'd add something else and see what you think...

I have been jealous of all my friends who have moved away and have started their lives years ago. I feel like if I didn't have all the anxiety that I experience, I would be living a way more successful or at least just as successful life that most of them are living. To be honest with you guys I'm not 100% sure how I'd fit in with a crowd these days. I think that these past few years my body has mellowed a little bit (probably a hormonal thing) so I MIGHT actually be able to blend in with society. I'm so afraid of failure. I don't know how I'd react if I found a house, paid rent for the first month, found a job and wasn't able to handle the job that I found (due to anxiety). A few years ago I found a job at a hog plant. In my opinion it was the worst possible job for a person like me. I was extremely tense and I found that most of the workers there were "tough" guys that I couldn't really relate to at all. I ended up quitting the first day. I was so nervous that I would sometimes freeze when I was supposed to be doing something and I had some people get really mad at me. It was a horrible nightmare, I had one of the guys ask me with a grin "if I ever had a job before" and all the guys were sort of laughing at me behind my back. I caught them making faces and say things about me. The guy then warned all the guys that "I was mentally unstable" right in front of me. I really took this to heart so it hurt me quite bad, I knew after about 15 minutes or so that I wouldn't be coming back the next day. Anyways, I let that experience bother me for quite a few months and I was depressed and thought that I'd be unemployed and lonely my whole life. I was also seriously considering suicide and the thought literally crossed my mind everyday for the next 2 and a half years. Now when I think back of that humiliating experience, I sometimes laugh and think that those guys will be stuck in that dump for the rest of their miserable lives and if I get better, I will be able to get a good job(unlike them). I could tell that these guys weren't very "bright" by the way they talked and how they lacked so much empathy, probably none of them have ever read a book in their lives.(haha)

Do you think that I just got unlucky and chose a bad job or do you think that my aspergers played a role in me screwing up on the job? I've had 3 or 4 friends that have all quit at the hog plant on the first day, due to hating the job, or being yelled at for not doing something properly. I really feel that it was irrational for these guys to yell at me and be cruel. I was in the freezer part of the plant and I had to place certain boxes of meat in the right place in the freezer (there are over 30 or so different boxes with different types of meat) and I didn't know where the hell each box went... The guys seemed to be pissed off at me whenever I would ask where a certain box had to go. (how the hell was I supposed to know when I was just starting out?) I don't know, I found it really bizarre and rude of them and I didn't want anything to do with a bunch of artless morons so I quit.

Tell me what you think.

Hi, Patrick. We met on another forum. I am sort of rushed typing this. Currently I'm looking for work too. My DRS worker is helping to search for a job to suit me. I have a meeting on April 2nd and I hope it goes well.

With ASD, jobs working directly with people are likely not a good idea. I don't like jobs like cash registers, etc... Because I'd be expected to handle the money and interract with the people at a fast pace.

As far as going out. I don't go out unless I know where I am going, have a plan, and have someone willing to take me to the destination.

The last part I am hoping to get resolved.

As far as adjusting to society, you'll never be able to fit in 100%. But does that mean you should lose yourself and strive for it?

I don't think so. Some things are not worth it. It takes having a tough skin sometimes. If people are rude it is their problem, not yours. They are the ones suffering... It is still hard sometimes. When I get home I tend to take a nap and then return to things that make me feel better like writing, drawing, or typing on forums.

Dude, being like Adrian Monk is one thing...being worried you won't be able to "blend into society" is a totally 'nother matter. I wouldn't be too concerned with it if I were you. I'm still puzzled as to why so many people on this forum are so desperate to fit in with society?

Here's how I live my life: I'm going to do whatever it takes to be successful- if along the way, I make friends here and there, and can hold on to them, great. If some drop off the face of the Earth, they drop off the face of the Earth. Would I bend over totally backwards for most of my friends cause they mean so much to me? Of course. Does it mean I'll do whatever anyone wants just to gain friends? Absolutely not- I have a path in life, and I plan on following it.

My girlfriend seems to like the sound of my plan, too

And actually, I currently am a cashier at my job- it's one of those jobs I have no problem doing as..well...I'm just so used to doing it. Ever since I first became a cashier at my very first job, I was just so good at it over time, that I'm just a natural at it now. The best part is that the job I'm working now is my FINAL regular job before I just pursue my career full-throttle. I work at a hotel/resort in Sandusky, Ohio- I usually work the ice cream booth in the waterpark there( chances are, you probably know by NOW which place I refer to). Now, the best part about it for me is that, while I interact with lots of people, I get a kick out of joking around with them when I can, and I usually bring my iPod into the booth with me, so I can listen to it between customers. To top it off, since the air conditioner no longer works in there, my boss finally told me "take a few pops into the booth with ya- on the house"..so every day, I grab like three pops out of the cooler, and guzzle it down while in the booth. Seriously- TRY BEATING THAT FOR A FINAL REGULAR JOB!

Now, when I was a cashier at Target, I completely and utterly hated it...wasn't thrilled with it at Wal-Mart either. Didn't have much of a problem with it at Suncoast or Stop & Shop, though..

After several failed attempts, I finally found a job that suits me, and I've been there for nearly 8 years now. I'm living with a relative at the moment, but I plan to get my own place later this year. I do not wish to marry or be a mother.

Yes, you can have empathy and still have ASD.

The hog plant job sounds like it would be a horrible place to work. Don't feel bad for quitting that one.

Is there anyway that you can train for a skilled job? People who have specific skill sets have an easier time finding a job. (I have a generic liberal arts degree and it was a difficult process getting into a field because my degree was so non-specific).