My father should have no business in this aspect of my life!
My father has a really irritating habit of pointing out people he thinks I should like and/or go out with, not jokingly, but seriously, due entirely to the fact that they are people he would want to go out with if he were my age and single.
Once we were at a museum and he was talking with one of the tour guides whom I could tell he was starting to get a crush on, and, after we left, he kept dropping hints that he wished I'd flirted with her and possibly asked her out.
He also did the same thing when he ran into an old female friend of mine at a bookstore (whom he seems to like in a more than "friend of my son's" kind of way), told me all about it, and kept dropping the same kind of hints that he thought I should have made a move.
Sometimes I get the impression it's because he thinks I'm gay (well, I used to think I was probably bisexual at an earlier point in my life, but I never told him about it, but that's beside the point), or because he thinks I'm incapable of finding someone on my own and wants to hook me up, which I find really disturbing.
I really don't like this behaviour from my father. It really disgusts me and I want it to stop.
Detren
Velociraptor
Joined: 7 Feb 2008
Age:36
Posts: 454
Location: in the connection between the ansibles
Sounds more like a "living vicariously" type of thing.
Does he do this with other people when he's out? Friends of his? The, "hey, she's hot" type of thing or is it only when he is out with just you?
If he does it with friends too you might want to try a glance and agree that she's hot or just say ehhhh. If it's ONLY with you I would either ask him to "Please, stop trying to fix me up, dad." approach or just sigh loudly enough for him to hear and hope that he takes it as a "please change the subject".
Sounds to me like neither you nor your dad are clear on your sexual orientation. Maybe your dad just assumes you are straight because there no conclusive evidence to the contrary. If if this is the case, I advise that you just tell him very bluntly that you are gay. Or if you're not gay and just really squeamish about dating, you need to tell him that.
My parents never forced me to date. They did not even suggest it as something good to. For my sisters, ya sure, but not for me. My own dad forcefully discouraged me from going after girls. And given how dead-serious he was, you'd think I'd been caught shooting up heroin in the master bedroom.
See, I was considered a danger to females because of my Asperger Sydrome toxicity. Let them get some other communicable diease, anything but my autism. So I can't really cry a tear for anyone with an family & dating service rolled into one. If anything, I would have bitterly envious of you. Appreciate what you have!
If this is your biggest issue in life...CONGRATULATIONS on having it so frickin' easy!
If he's not encouraging you to set up threeways for the two of you, you don't have a problem yet...
seriously, a simple "I'll manage my own love life if you don't mind" would probably take care of it...
Well, my parents aren't that bad, but they have done some similar things. There was a brief time when I thought my mom was trying to get me hooked up.... It was then I realized that maybe I should put some serious thought into the whole dating thing.
In the end, I wound up going to prom with a girl I like but my parents knew very little about. In the weeks leading up to prom I had to remind my parents multiple times that she and I were not really a couple. I discovered that I actually make a very good ethical date, and although we aren't really together, that story has yet to end. I can't really say what the future holds...
_________________
The improbable goal: Fear nothing, hate nothing, and let nothing anger you.
Parents trying to hook you up with girls really isn't on par with parents asking you to help conceal a murder. It really isn't so unspekaably horrible that this is being done for you. If your parents weren't playing matchmaker for you, you'd be whining and crying for that reason. You'd whine and wimper because they refuse to help you get a girl.
This whole topic p*sses me off.
yeah......... probably not the BEST topic to bring up on a forum full of guys who would give anything to be with someone....
kinda like rubbing someones nose in a pile of fecsial matter....
although i do appreciate your dilemma, (as well as wish i 'suffered' from it too), but the solution is really very simple,
tell your dad what you have told us, namely "IF YOU WANT THEM SO FREAKIN' BADLY YOU ASK EM OUT!! !"
that shouold stun him into silence, failing that... enjoy the fact that you are appealing to the ladies, lord knows most of us arnt
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i am that which i am...
kinda like rubbing someones nose in a pile of fecsial matter....
although i do appreciate your dilemma, (as well as wish i 'suffered' from it too), but the solution is really very simple,
tell your dad what you have told us, namely "IF YOU WANT THEM SO FREAKIN' BADLY YOU ASK EM OUT!! !"
that shouold stun him into silence, failing that... enjoy the fact that you are appealing to the ladies, lord knows most of us arnt
You may be desperate, but probably not desperate enough to want to be with someone you don't like or care about.
I know that I personally only ever want to be with someone I really, really love.
I didn't claim I'm somehow uber-attractive to the opposite gender. I never even mentioned anything along those lines in my original post. I honestly don't know or care whether I am appealing to the opposite gender. Probably to a very small handful but not to most, just like every other guy.
As for my father, he never says it bluntly, he just delivers very strong hints.
And the thing is, I don't tell my parents who I like, and one of the main reasons that having a significant other would be an advantage would be that they are someone in whom I can forget my parents, and my ideal significant other would be like the kind of family I only wish I had.
Last edited by Yupa on 01 May 2008, 7:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
My parent's meddling with my social life caused quite a few nasty situations.
With "friends" because my mother would appear out of nowhere and invite mere acquaintances of mine on, say, holidays with the family. Stopping these things without either offending my guest or seeming too rude (or both) was stressful and near impossible - so I stopped having guests at home for a while and would be very nervous ever after when I did. Trying to reason with her beforehand was useless; she'd say "ok" and then do it anyway.
Their attempts to hooking me up with girls basically meant I got forced into horrible situations where I got rejected by girls I wouldn't even look at in the first place - girls I wasn't even hitting on (not that I ever do).
I still don't get how can a girl reject with such intensity a guy that's not even trying to talk to her - but I had them running away, almost literally. . .
That certainly left a few scars.
Once we were at a museum and he was talking with one of the tour guides whom I could tell he was starting to get a crush on, and, after we left, he kept dropping hints that he wished I'd flirted with her and possibly asked her out.
He also did the same thing when he ran into an old female friend of mine at a bookstore (whom he seems to like in a more than "friend of my son's" kind of way), told me all about it, and kept dropping the same kind of hints that he thought I should have made a move.
Sometimes I get the impression it's because he thinks I'm gay (well, I used to think I was probably bisexual at an earlier point in my life, but I never told him about it, but that's beside the point), or because he thinks I'm incapable of finding someone on my own and wants to hook me up, which I find really disturbing.
I really don't like this behaviour from my father. It really disgusts me and I want it to stop.
I don't know how old you are. But let him know you don't like him telling you this. That you have your own taste in women. That you want to meet someone SPECIAL. Let him know openly that you ARE looking...but for the RIGHT woman, not just a hot body or flirty mini-skirt. Tell him whatever your problem is... you're shy, picky, busy etc..Any explanation would be good to give him some feedback on why you don't have a gf. As a father (again I don;t know how old you are) he probably only wants to see you happy and "enjoying life." Too bad people don't get that their definition of happy isn't the same as other people's.
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