Reflection on William Freund

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no-one is a lost cause, darkschizo, and you certainly are not. you have a contribution to make here, for a start, as your experiences are relevant and help other people to understand how to deal with stuff in their own life. apart from anything else, it also helps them to see that they're not alone in feeling as they do - i bet there are many people here who have had similar experiences.


hang on in there, darthschizo.

darkschizo, anna and others like her are really the lost ones. Flawed and unable to forge meaningful give and take relationships with others. Abandoning ship at the first sign of rough seas-unable and unwilling to navigate thru the storms of life. You did nothing wrong by pointing out things she may do that hurt your feelings. In fact you did the exact thing a socially well developed person who cares for another should do. Ofcourse you care for her and most likely your emotions wont let you see her for what she truly is which is apparently self-absorbed and shallow prefering to cut and run rather than address the pain she causes you. Its so much easier to think something is wrong with you rather than accept the idea that something is wrong with her. To remian close to you means she would have to accept that she is flawed now that you have acknowledged these flaws and pointed them out to her. You are the messenger of news she already knows but can dismiss til another repeats it aloud. You feel sorry for yourself wrongly-she is the one to feel sorry for. And to forge relationships with broken people will only cause you to feel and become broken. People are not vases that can be glued back together,once broken we are always broken. That is why its so important to choose carefullly those we grant access to our hearts. That doesnt mean distrust all and put up walls to protect-when you put up walls not only do you lock others out but you lock yourself in. You have to think of yourself as a door to door salesman in a way-knocking on a hundred doors or more before you knock on the door that wants what you have to give. When you find that one-youll forget about the other 99 who turned you away. Everyone has been in your shoes at one point or another-I know I have. But believe me there will come a day youll be hard pressed to remember her and the pain she caused you. Read your post as we do and youll see just how strong you are. If you were a general would you surround yourself with weak troops? Ofcourse you wouldnt-life is the same-we are all generals and must choose carefully our ranks. This is but one battle of many to come use it to make you stronger for the next. Your strength is what will draw others to you forging lifelong relationships. Stay strong little General there is an army that needs you.

DarthSchizo, I could relate very, very well to your post. When I was a bit younger (I'm 28 now), I frequently used IRC chat rooms (most often ones to which I'd never been before--I wasn't very good at "joining communities" or what have you) as crisis lines. It would get me through the night, eventually, when I'd find someone who would talk to me in private messages, but it was a very empty endeavor in general. <sighs> For the first time in my life I'm in a "place" where I feel fairly stable. I have a (small, granted, but that's all I really need/can handle) social network. I was open about my condition when I applied for my first full-time job (for which I was actually selected--yay!) and so won't be expected to act socially "normal."

My point is--I've been there. I was something of "the village idiot" in middle and high school in the small semi-Southern town where my parents lived. The school did its best to kick me out and send me to an "alternative" high school. But I survived, dammit. I've been through very bad periods as recently as the past few years, but I'm getting closer and closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm still very angry about what I had to go through as a child/adolescent/young adult, but I haven't the slightest idea what to do about it. To victims, though, I have one simple piece of advice: SURVIVE.

--Jennifer

I had pretty much every friend in elementary school stop speaking to me or move away. Then one of the ones who moved away moved back and stopped speaking to me.

Ironically, I then became sorta friendly with another friend that person had stopped speaking to. And in sixth grade I got to know four kids in the grades below me, two as friends, and several of the kids in my class too.

They matured and I matured.

And even when I had no friends, I was happy just being friends with the teachers and my parent's friends. I still spent most of my time alone, and I liked it that way.

I have a friend with AS all of whose friends abandoned her at once in eighth grade. She seems to have recovered and now doesn't keep close friends either.

Still, I suppose that it takes close relationships to make one appreciate solitude.

Oh, an interesting point that my mother brought up:

In seventh grade, they gave me Zoloft (An ADD/ADHD unlike the vast majority of teenage males, I am NOT diagnosed/misdiagnosed with one of those dysfunctions). I went, insane, violent, delusional, volatile, and paranoid.
Since then I've heard of others with AS having the same reaction.

Freund was, as I understand it, medicated, no?

I've also had a severe agressive response to Zoloft. I was not aware that was common AS reaction.

Common enough that you'd think they'd know better by now.
Every person with AS I've met who tried Zoloft (admittedly few) has had such a response.

i could never be okay with just being friends with the teachers and my parents. okay they care about me, but they do not like me and never laugh at my jokes and we have nothing in common. i quit highschool cause i was so outside of the group, i felt like i was missing out on everything, i felt like i was on display "the crying girl with no friends" yet so invisible. now people assume i like being alone, but its not true at all, i have just gotten used to it. i dont think its okay to say "hey, maybe u dont NEED friends, u seem to enjoy spending time alone all the time" (that was a quote from my mom...)

Before I met Anna I preferred to be alone, and for the most part I still do. Sometimes I feel like I need a girlfriend in my life, but a lot of the time I don’t care.

I started taking Zoloft for my depression and it was fine at first and it really helped, but after awhile something changed. I felt more “needy” and I did a lot of reaching out to other people. This is when I met Anna. Anyways, Zoloft raised my blood pressure from below normal to dangerous levels, and I know it was the drug because once I stopped taking Zoloft my blood pressure returned to low normal. I started having very emotional episodes, psychotic delusions, and aggressive feelings. When I was on Zoloft I thought about ways of killing myself, and I must admit I thought about it way more on the drug then off of it.

Anna was a fool, because she gave up on me and went to go be with some guy from the Cayman Islands who beats her up. She wont even talk to me.

Dark Schizo, I read some post claiming that there is like a date group for people with AS here ("Relationships" link?).

You could try that?

I recall that I had a similar feeling, my friends always seemed to stop speaking to me. Eventually I learned that distance helps.

Not my parents, the adults, our next-door neighbors and such, and my adult relatives.

When I was little I called all my teachers by their first names if I could learn that "some of them really hated it" and generally preferred to talk with adults with my peers.
Things changed as I entered middle school and high school though.
I still talk to some of my teachers about stuff a lot though.

This is very sad. So many people who are unusual seem to end up being bullied through School and than they have absolutley nobody to turn to. Kids are like Birds. They find someone who's just a little bit different, than they keep pecking at that person. I refer to it as the Pecking Order. And than the Victim doesn't feel that they can trust anybody. Who's going to believe someone who's on the Autism Spectrum, unless they're on the Spectrum, themselves?

Sic transit gloria mundi...

I'm sorry William had to choose the desperate decision that killed two innocents and himself. This was certaintly a tragic ending that could've possibly been avoided.

It makes it easier for me to avoid such behavior when I realize that if I do it I am acting out someone else's fantasies and not my own. A lot of the things that we think about other people are actually reflections of their behavior and emotions. They may wind up distorted, or they may be dead on but we can't quite put them in perspective. The victim of this thing, whatever you want to call it, is under the influence of something that he or she cannot control if he or she does not know it exists and has no idea what can be done about it. It is obvious in many cases that the victim will not be able to stop what the people outside of him do. Too much of our ways of dealing with it involve drugging ourselves insensible.

Where it makes a person want to bang his head against the wall or otherwise injure himself is where "they" watch for signs that their victim is handling it and do things to stop him from handling it. Humiliation for me is still holding me at the edge of the volcano. The only purpose that humiliation serves is to tell a person that he will have no control over his life as long as the server of that humiliation is alive and functioning. Maybe most of the time the server doesn't realize that he or she has done that. It's a "social skill" that helps get rid of unreasonable people and clingers. Handling such humiliation is a sort of social skill, too, involving knowing the status of the server and deciding whether revenge is appropriate, or writing it off, or whatever. The revenge from some people can include spreading nasty rumors about the person who humilated them and ruining his life and reputation in that town and several others. This is not, for the record, what I would call "handling it." It is a way to say that the bullying person or bunch has actually taken the humiliation at least as badly as the school shooter. They just behave destructively in a more socially acceptable manner. God help us for what society accepts. But a 6 foot plus, 200 pound plus muscle-bound idiot who does that is just another whiny crybaby in my book.

People in my life have wronged me, and most people are scum, period! Why not go out and slaughter them all? I choose not to. I would rather enjoy the other things in this life, and people are of little consequence to me. I will let the government eventually come to the same conclusion, and then we can remove the undesirables from society.
Eugenics is a worthy cause, and we should “remove” undesirables from society. Terrorists, career criminals, and violently insane people should all be “cleansed” of their worthless existence. Most mainstream religions, ideals, races of people, and organizations are without blame, and there are bad and good people from each of these groups. We just need to weed out the bad ones.

Why is it that most fanatical ideals are like "Ok, they aren't like us, and we have been "wronged", so lets kills someone!". There is a right time and place to kill someone, and it must serve a higher purpose. Killing filthy terrorists for example is a worthy cause. Kill as many of them as you can. Go USA.

People are naturally violent. We thrive on it. We can blame all the outside influences we want, but didn’t humans create those devices as well? So what came first; The violent people or the violent media?

Violence in the right hands is what makes us strong. It drives us, and it guides us, but senseless violence has no meaning, no effect, and no higher purpose.

War is what made us thrive. Baby boomers, the recovery of the economy, and even the advancements in science and medicine are a result of strife, conflict, and killing. Don’t get me wrong though, because wars should not be initiated blindly, and they should always have purpose.

Don’t give me this peace and love bullcrap either. Peace is always the result of war and death, and to secure the peace is to prepare for war. The pen isn’t stronger then the sword, because it writes in blood which was drawn from the sword, and the sword protects the freedom of the pen. Mercy is also a weakness. Mercy allows the undesirable to escape, spread his lies, and breed with other undesirables to propagate his or her own bad genes.

Let me define undesirable. A undesirable is a person that actively infringes on the rights and liberties of others via violence or other criminal offense. Harmless people with a mental disability would not be considered an undesirable, but a violent rapist would be.

Rapists and sex offenders should all be sterilized and imprisoned. They shouldn’t be allowed to spread their bad genes or harm anyone ever again.

Murders should be killed. Allowing them to possibly spread bad genes or hurt someone again is too much of a risk.

Thieves, gang members, and other violent criminals should be sterilized and imprisoned upon their third offense or first offense if it is heinous enough.

Natural selection. Weed out bad genes and society will reap the benefits.

Cronic bullies and kids who hurt animals should be sterilized, and killed in extream cases. Statistics show that these "wonderful" kids are the ones who become the criminals and even serial killers.

Even if you want to deny what I'm saying you know deep down that it is true. Natural selections is what guides everything. The very reason that domesticated animals are so docile and tame is because we killed the bad ones or did not breed them.

It is not up to anyone to decide on whether someone lives or dies. What if someone decided to kill all people with Asperger's? Would that be ok? People with asperger's could just as equally be viewed as "bad genes"by someone else.