judging women on their looks.

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We all judge on appearance , it's a human nature. Have you heart the story of the little singer girl in China Olympic ceremony?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7556058.stm

I am sure that Yang Peiyi will grow to a bitter - complicated woman.

Not everybody. Why do you think I've been stressing the "wait a while" line to see if I truly like her personality before trying to go out with her?

Deep inside, you are stressing on the "wait a while" line in order to see a proof that she is physically attracted toward you, you are overweighted and poor.... and you do realize deep inside that is a turn off for a large part of girls , that's why you are so super-hesitated to initiate any move.
Knowing her 'whole' personality before going out with her (which is impossible) is a mere excuse for your worst demon:your fear of how being judged by the girl and of not being physically attractive to her.

I am totally sure that you asked yourself something like that:"would she like/accept a poor fat pal like me?"

I think that you have to find the person you are romantically dating to be attractive in some way. There are physical components to that. It might be as simple as good hygiene (they dont smell bad etc.), good grooming (their fingernails are clean and nicely shaped), etc. Or it may be things they cannot control, like the shape of their face, their height, even to a degree, their weight or frame size/shape (petite, athletic, curvy, muscular or lanky). We all have things we are attracted to physically, in people, in aesthetics in objects and places even.

What I hate to see is when a person becomes so narrow minded and picky that once they choose someone they harp on one aspect like a drone. Endlessly. I've had boyfriends where I thought everything was great until they began to harp on something so picky it was bizarre. Looking back at those pix of myself at the time, and even showing the pix to others (sometimes even strangers out of curiosity, not often tho) I was in no way deserving of such scorching criticisms.

When someone becomes obsessive about their partner being perfect from head to toe (perfect of course by THEIR standards which they do not realise is not THE truth) it is a symptom of something else I now think. I now think it is a symptom of fear of intimacy and a wish to push the other person away. In which case it would sure be nice if they were self aware enough to realise they're just done with that relationship and let the other person go instead of tormenting them and giving them a complex!

It depends on what your perspective is really. Looks I suppose are one of the first things you'll see in most situations. So naturally a good looking woman or man would spark your interest first. For me I think looks are an important part of a relationship, particularily when to gets..... sexual. Of course there other things. I would like the girl to be relative intelligent not necessarily a genius but capable of having a good conversation with. I know some people claim only inner beauty is most important but well I just don't me going out with a seriously overweight woman. It seems shallow but it just doesn't work for me. You can't change what you want just suit the world perspective of it should be. Reality is reality. Black and white don't exist here. Anyway I really think there should at least be balance not extreme in either way of the equation.

Yes, I just heard about that recently. It is a truly shameful indictment of the way the world is today.

Funny, but my first thought on reading was to imagine the girl who has the singing voice on a psychiatrists couch 40 years from now explaining that she is bitter because people judged her negatively because of her appearance.

The trouble is, from my experience, psychiatrists do not allow physical appearance as an explanation for anything. It is all in your mind. The rest of the world is fine it's you that needs to change and all you need do is attend therapy for another decade or so. This example proves otherwise.

In fact I'm so outraged by it, I may well start a whole thread on it to point out the huge level of discrimination against 'non-good-looking' people in the world today.



The ones who don't judge on looks are those of us with less than average looks - and the dishonest, of course. Can you find examples of a physically beautiful person - male or female - who has a partner who is both ugly and poor ie they are attracted purely by 'the inside' ?

I believe we all have an idea (maybe vague, maybe precise) of the 'league' that we are in for possible partners. And this league is primarily based on appearance, the rest is putting you a few points ahead of the others in your league, but you'll never get into the higher league as long as you look like that. So much energy is wasted on going 'out of our league', so much misery is caused by the inevitable rejections whatever you do or say. Positive thinking and the 'you can get whatever you want' books are huge industry these days and they care more about their own income than damage caused by the false hopes they raise.

I have to agree with this.
One of the complaints that I've heard about all of the ridiculously beautiful people on t.v. is that it conveys the impression, subconsciously, that beautiful potential partners are quite common and thus artificially raises people's expectations of what they think they can get in a partner.

I think wishing for physical attractiveness in the other is a problem if it becomes a liability to you. For instance if a person behaves more like Hal's friend in Shallow Hal (the man broke up with a model because one of her toes was 'too long'). No one is ever perfect enough for such a person, and it turned out the character in the movie had an imperfection himself that he was sensitive about. They say that's usually how it is - the person demanding absolute physical perfection is displacing their own anxiety and giving someone else a complex.

But there is nothing wrong in wanting to be physically attracted to your romantic partner. I'd say, just try to be nice about it. Some things people can control and some things they can't, and that includes weight by the way for many people.

It's nice to be physically attracted to your partner. But it's also nice when a physcally attractive person is attracted to you.

("Wow! A cheerleader wants to go out with me?! !")

Look at it this way, if a creepy street bum - complete with filthy beard, raggedy clothes, and urine-scented cologne - calls you a "pretty girl," you are likely to feel as much revulsion for yourself as for the bum.

But if a Pierce Brosnan / Brad Pitt / Johnny Depp type - complete with rakish smile, good fashion sense, and no B.O. at all - calls you a "pretty girl," you are as likely to feel good about yourself as you do about them.

People tend to inspire good feelings in proportion to their good looks, but only until you get to know them better.