judging women on their looks.

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I don't like crocs, no, but my mom wears them, and my boyfriend has some for work, and I know other people that wear them. I don't judge people because of what they wear, not in a serious sense anyway.. like I might make a snap judgement in my head but it never gets beyond that, I never say anything or act any different towards them because of it.

As for dressing nice, everyone has the right to look nice. And the idea of the stuff I mentioned before is to be casual, still yourself, but just put-together. Like if you have an old t-shirt you really love, but it's beaten up, just get a new one with the same design that fits well.. it's still completely you, but it's clean and neat. Add a plain black button-down(unbuttoned), nice jeans, and nice leather shoes, and you look great, but not too fancy! So many people could look so good if they just had clothing that was well taken care of and fit well.

As for my self esteem, believe me, I've worked on it for 20 years. It's not so simple. I can't just start thinking a little differently and magically fix myself.

What part is that? The Mid West?

Seriously that could be anywhere in the US, depending on your POV.

I don't want a physical relationship with someone I'm not physically attracted to, I don't want a social relationship with someone I'm not socially attracted to and I don't want an intellectual relationship with someone I'm not intellectually attracted to. I don't think there's anything wrong with that but seeing as how I'm totally socially repellent it makes no difference at all.

I learned the hard way that looks really are only tip of the iceberg. Liking woman solely on looks alone just doesn't work , besides is the extra effort to beat other "studs" to get the goddess really worth it , if your just gonna get tired of her saying "ummm uh... i dont get it" within days?

If I were the type to be considered "gorgeous" (I'm an average, I'd say) then I believe it would be extremely frustrating to be taken only at face value and treated like "arm candy." How would you tell if a potential partner wanted you for you, instead of for your "trophy appeal?" What would be the incentive to develop character, intelligence, or personality?

Imagine finding yourself married to someone who is beautiful on the outside but has a horrible personality . You shouldn't date someone who physically disgusts you, but you have to have an emotional/ mental connection or you will eventually be miserable. I'm glad I have a significant degree of face blindness, I was never swayed by a man's attractiveness or lack thereof. I always saw the "inside."

I agree with John, neko, and a lot of the other people here - its a self knowledge issue. If you know that your ability to be attracted to someone is very brittle, and you know that it draws up (quite involuntarily) some very sharp feelings of physical repulsion, like two positive or negative magnets, when you aren't attracted to someone to try and make things happen anyway - its best to just deal with it as best you can.

On the argument that no relationship strictly built on looks ever lasts, I don't think anyone would debate that here. I think anyone with any depth cares most about their significant other's intelligence, maturity, integrity, shared values, what kind of personality they have, how complimentary their personality is to their own, how reliable they are as a partner (as well, as conversely, they won't get them into drama). Where looks come in is they set a certain minimum; as in many people may have the sorts of values they're looking for but as another set of minimums, you have to be able to be attracted to them - if you aren't it'll show and show badly, if they do have a great personality you almost want to keep yourself from leading em on for a drop.

And yes, everyone who's stated that both sides judge a lot is very much correct. Guys do judge on looks quite often, women do judge on social/conformity perfection just as often - its inconvenient for both sides but hard-wiring is hard-wiring, when you fight it because it doesn't feel right that your like that, its not a well thought out way to go and with a lot of things of that nature it just causes more misery on all sides. Some people are, in my books, very lucky because they're not built to where they have a sharp draw or push regarding attraction; unfortunately I've found that I do and to keep myself acting at the level of integrity that I'd want of myself, it needs to be there. I don't want to flake on anyone but I know that with the way I'm built I have limits, in such a way that part of that means preventative medicine.

Here is the way I see it:

I see an attractive women, I'm going to try harder to get her attention and get to know her and learn about her personality. If she's got a bad personality and we can't even be friends, then I'll ditch her. If she's good enough to be friends but not to date, then it'll stay as friends.

If she's not attractive, I'll do the same thing but I won't try so hard. If it works out, I'll have a friend (and if she has an awesome personality, then by default, I'll start to become physically attracted to her). If she is just average, then I'll just be friends and it'll stay like that.

If she's ugly and has a bad personality, then I'm not going to waste my time with her.

So for all those people saying "beauty is skin deep" and "personality lasts forever" and all that other stuff.
Seriously, I'm not gonna have kids with someone I don't find attractive both physically and mentally.
I'd rather be friends with someone with avg looks/personality than married to someone with bad looks but good personality (or bad personality / good looks).