Verbal Communications Differences and Difficulties Sticky
Since joining here I feel I have to put IMO on most things for fear of someone jumping down my throat
Yeah, the level of potential misunderstanding here is extremely high. The safest are the joke threads. I love my nerves too much to post somewhere else lol. (most of the time)
I think I fail a lot with banter in real life , I try to participate but I always manage to overstep the mark or say something to close to the bone ( due to dark humour ) , it's got me into trouble before especially if your boss is having banter with you and you probably should haven't made that hilarious reference about his personal life
Lol I'm sorry...I, on the other hand, don't even dare, and am paranoidly observant of any sign of rejection, of looking like a fool or saying something potentially hazardous. Not that it's generally appreciated to talk to a mummy though lol.
I have a problem of the correct protocol of looking at people when talking to them. Ive been told I have an "unnerving, predatory stare"... and thats from one of my best friends! Its an eye contact thing, it makes people uncomfortable if you make unbroken eye contact but I find it hard knowing where to look.
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"all men can see these tactics whereby I conquer; yet none can see the strategy by which victory is evolved"...
I had another Urdu verbal communication experience -
I hit an animal. So I drove the car to a crash repair place I knew of to get a quote on the repair costs of the damage.
I went in and said "hi."
Two guys in the office looked up at me, then went back to their computers and completely ignored me. So I went over to the desk and said "Hi" again, and asked the guy if he could have a look at the car, as it was parked outside.
He looks up at me and stares for a second, then says "have a look?"
Yes. Have a look. That is your job, correct? To look at damaged cars, assess that damage, then provide a quote on how much the repairs will cost so your customer can enter into a transaction???
But instead I said yes, I hit an animal, and I'm trying to get a quote about the costs of repairs. He asks me if the car is insured. I reply that yes it is, however there is a $650 excess gap on the policy. If enacted, that amount would automatically have to be paid, and I'm not convinced the damage is that severe, being mainly cosmetic - busted (plastic) grill, smashed headlight covering, bent bonnet. Everything is still working - it drives ok, no fluid leaks, blinkers and headlight still working, no chassis damage that I can detect when driving.
So he comes out and looks at it.
Then he goes into this rant about how they don't do dodgy backyard jobs, as it's their company name on the repairs, if I was to get it fixed through them they'd be doing it "properly and completely," and if I wanted to just buy a bunch of spare parts and replace the damaged components, then I'd have to go elsewhere, and anyway, they're booked up until mid-October.
Did I say anything about a dodgy fix up job? No. I did not. And wtf kind of sales pitch is this? Accuse your customer of slighting your business when they haven't said a word, then try to run them off saying you're too busy???
At that point I figure verbal communication is as usual useless, and I'm like "Right. Ok. Thanks."
I report this to the relative the car belongs to, who was looking at me weirdly. He then says if I want to fix it I can because he's not capable of that and I am.
Which is incredibly bizarre as usually, these people think I am severely intellectually disabled, and last week thought it necessary to explain to me how to fasten velcro shoes. Now suddenly they think me capable of repairing the car.
I hate verbal communication. It makes NO sense.
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Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.
Another one of those moments where someone says, "I said hello to you."
And I'm surprised because they don't even seem to be looking at me when they speak.
I actually looked behind me to see who they were talking to.
To me, apparently.
Only it wasn't apparent to me.
Wha??
What exactly is happening here?
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It's like I'm sleepwalking
^ I'd never met the person before.
Still, I can hear speech but I need to lipread to understand what they're saying.
This woman was looking over my left shoulder so I thought she was talking to someone behind me.
That's what confuses me.
From their POV they were being friendly and I turned my back on them and ignored them.
Another chapter in how to lose friends and alienate people.
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It's like I'm sleepwalking
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
When I get overwhelmed, sensory overload, am very stressed, tired, or experiencing a strong emotion, my communication abilities deteriorate rapidly. It gets harder for me to speak, so that try as I might, I can't speak loudly/clearly enough to really be understood, or it gets to the point that I can't even force my vocal cords into action at all. This is extremely frustrating because it doesn't happen all the time, so people hear me speaking well one time and assume I'm always capable of that and choosing not to, or just not trying hard enough. Seriously, no one I've tried to explain it to in person ever believes me. It's very frustrating and demeaning to try your best and keep being told it isn't good enough Even when I'm capable of speaking, I communicate much more easily and clearly in writing, although sometimes even then I have trouble finding words. I wish I could get away with communicating using a text-to-speech app on my phone instead of speaking, but my parents won't allow it and make me try to speak instead (if I had a penny for every time I heard "Use your words!" or "Speak, child!" I'd be rich). I try to communicate with gestures when I can't speak/can't find words, although I don't know sign language. I also have auditory processing issues and am good at misinterpreting what people say.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
Selective mutism. I get that, too =/
Nice sig, BTW B)
Thanks I wasn't sure if it really counts as selective mutism or not. I hate that even the name makes it sound like I'm choosing not to speak.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
I've always felt that the description of it fits me, although obviously, not everyone is the same. It's pretty rare that I have anything important to say when I'm stressed enough to go completely mute, so it's usually not an issue for me. I've thought about learning sign language, but I don't know how useful it would be.
The thing I hate the most is when I'm talking to someone I'm comfortable with, and then someone new overhears us and interjects, and I reply to them with a silent "deer in headlights" look =/ I'm sure they all think I'm just being rude, especially at work.
Thankfully it's not called "elective mutism" anymore, which sounds even more like those afflicted are choosing to be silent
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I'm looking for Someone to change my life. I'm looking for a Miracle in my life.
I. GIVE. UP.
These days, I wonder if I actually have some kind of aphasia. That is how badly misunderstood my verbal communication is. I am saying something that I think makes perfect sense, there is no possible way it could be misunderstood at all, and someone interprets the exact opposite.
Maybe I should get this tested. Maybe I'm actually speaking words that correspond to the exact opposite of what I mean? It seems the only likely explanation.
In the meantime, I'm employing ACC apps and sign language. I mean it.
It's a tricky one. The "elective" bit could mean anything - I am often an "elective" mute. This means that I can physically make my vocal chords make sound (albeit impaired, due to speech disorder) and I can form and use language. But the process of doing so is so unpleasant, and bloody difficult, and requires all my effort and at times is physically painful because of my speech issues, and as stated above something goes wrong in translation and I am constantly misunderstood, I choose not to use speech.
So some of it may be "elective" in that yes, I can speak to some degree. But all the other stuff that makes speaking impractical and horrible for me is not my choice at all.
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Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.
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