When to tell a child 'You have Asperger's...'

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I would have liked to know a lot earlier than mid to late teens. If I had known about Aspergers in childhood/early teens and onwards I would have reacted to my unpopularity in a much less destructive way.

I think children should be told as early as possible. As soon as you have a definite diagnosis, tell them.

Ok, I took the survey.

I disagree with the assumptions behind Question 7, regarding Emotional Readiness, Cognitive Readiness, Social Readiness, Self-Knowledge, Self-Esteem; and Question 8, regarding Current Thought/Practice of peers, community and family. None of them are relevant factors.

The only relevant factor is whether the powers-that-be are (parents, teachers) are willing to accept the difference, and willing to encourage the child to accept it in himself.

Developing a THEORY OF MIND is difficult or impossible when all of the powerful people around the child are against him.

The other stuff comes later -- Emotional Readiness, Cognitive Readiness, Social Readiness, Self-Knowledge, Self-Esteem. You need a base on which to build these things.

A free-range Aspie with a healthy Theory of Mind would have a philosophical point of view that is diametrically opposed to mainstream culture, and incomprehensible to the average school teacher.

The refusal to accept him is THE CAUSE of the problems, not the solution.

Then I checked out the "Evolibri" website, http://www.evolibri.com/
Their "Independence Boot camp" says it all. Basically, what they are saying is:
"Break every bone in his body that you can, and bring him to us so that we can break the rest. Then we will begin the process of replacing every part of him and will return to you a person who is acceptable to modern society. Crippled, of course, but inoffensive."

Can you say, "Darth Vader?"

Agreed, but understand that to the NT professionals, these are the factors THEY consider important in making a decision to disclose. And I think that self-knowledge is a relevant factor -- don't we all deserve to to know who we are?

I took your survey, janjt. I hope it helps. Below is what I wrote for the comments box.



When I was a child I knew there was something different about me. The teachers at school knew there was something different about me. The other kids knew I was not like them. Having a reason for being different might not have changed how I performed in school. It probably wouldn't have reduced the ridicule I faced from the kids that I was so different from. But it would have given me something to define myself in those times when all I knew was that I was different. It would have given me a leg to stand on, a center for my chaos.

I have three daughters. I know the oldest one and the baby are fine, but the four year old shows some ASD traits. If I am right about her, if she starts meeting criteria for me to want to get her diagnosed I will. And I will be explaining it to her the entire time.

Um, it's not quite like that, Tahitiii -- the 'boot camp' is a ten-day course that I created and teaches independence skills like:
- Cooking (we cook and eat all of our meals together)
- Housing
- Calendaring and organization
- Personal finances
- Self-advocacy
- Self-care, including dating, sexuality, and health care
- House keeping and home maintenance

Many of these skills are not taught to teenagers at all, and most ASD folks have a hard time 'acquiring' these skills on their own. And, in the US, most high functioning Aspies and HFAs do not qualify for independence training from the government (which fairly suck anyway), so I created this 'boot camp' to help fill this void.

It is not about breaking anyone, I can assure you. Quite the opposite.

I'm glad I didn't know until 17. It forced me to be normal.

I knew a week after the initial diagnoses about it, because it took that long to put it on record and file the paperwork.

I already knew there was a chance I was on the spectrum, becuase my brother was on it too.

It didn't really affect my life much, besides knowing that I was the only one out of two females on the spectrum in my area.

This was in 2 grade.

I would have been able to

trim my sails to the

prevailing winds and be

aware of the shortcomings

that would becoming my way

and ALREADY have some

coping skills and general

knowledge of what was

expected of me. I would

have known to put others

at their ease and how to

avoid giving people

honestly blunt evaluations

instead of practicing

tact. I would not have

been tortured by countless

hours and months and years

of scalding and scarring

feelings and relentlessly

intellectualizing my

faults and failings, I

could have developed some

self esteem and have a

foundation of personal

safety in my life. I am

certain I would have

avoided so many poor

judgements and worse,

having had to live with

the results of those

judgements. I know this

because of the vast

improvements I have made

in the two years I have

suspected I am Aspergers'

(I don't HAVE AS, I AM AS.

by the way)and I might

have used the diagnosis as

a crutch, or a poor me. .

.but I would have had less

issues than I would have,

I do believe.

We all deserve to be 'free range' -- and the only way we can be that way is to know ourselves clearly and unequivocally, learn to love ourselves for who we are, and to realize that it is not us, but them, who err in judgment when we are shunned.

I want my children to grow up in a world where they are not shunned for who they are.

Mmhm, yes, it forced me to try to be normal, too. And trying to be normal forced a nervous breakdown. Very fun, that.

Completed your survey. Agree with most of the factors not being very important--the only factor should be whether the child can understand the basics. Most non-delayed kids should be able to do this by age four.

I was able to understand many things, the adults presumed I was too young to understand. That alone made me feel like an outsider. To have been treated like an adult during serious situations I would've been able to handle. Life skills required for ... life

Exactly. When people treat you like you can handle the things they're telling you, you're much more likely to handle them well. Everybody seems to be complaining that kids have no respect these days; but do they ever think that they should show respect to their kids? Only rarely...

I think what the uninformed mean by 'respect' is 'unquestioning obedience'. Huge difference. Respect is earned, pure and simple. My kids respect me, but certainly don't give me unquestioning obedience, lol! And in return, I respect them -- there have been very few times that I have overridden one of their decisions, or have not asked for their opinions in family decisions. I am definitely the grown up, but that does not give me the right to dismiss their feelings or ideas. And, they love me and appreciate me as a parent all the more.

I honestly don't get parents who don't understand that kids are deserving of our simple respect.

I definately think kids should be told something about their diagnosis. They will already know from a very early age that there brain works differently from other kids. They will know why.

When I was about 3 years old, I was "treated" for what my parents said were "Autistic tendancies" at UCLA medical center. I was eventually able to go to a mainstream pre-school and then kindergarten. From then on, my parents denied anything was wrong or different about me. I grew up feeling like a freak and blaming myself for all the problems I had socializing with other kids. I was teased and bullied and blamed myself for that to.

Children with an ASD need to know that it is not their fault so they don't beat themselves up their whole lives.

If I had known about Asperger's when I was younger, I might not have spent so much energy criticizing myself for not being able to do things that were easy for everyone else.

QFT and Amen, sister!

Merle