do you have abusive parents?

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I finally wrote my father an email telling him that I was tired of his disrespect for me...He has ALWAYS yelled at me...he's called me many names and now, well, he just yells if he disagrees with anything I say...of course, his response was "I don't do this"...of course, he claims he never yells at me or disrespects me...that he just "talks loud" as I do also...OH MY! There are many of his friends that have drifted away because of his horrendous manners or the way he downtalks to people...He's told people's wives to "shut up" or that they are lazy, etc...and yet, he sees nothing wrong with this...Many of his friends have eventually come to me and told me that they realize how abusive he has always been to me...and NOT to my sister...and he still does not see it.

I am obviously an idiot for believing that he would get it...it took me 40 years to finally get the courage to write to him...and yet, he doesn't get it. Even my husband, who has always been a super nice person is getting sick and tired of him yelling at me...at the way he conducts himself...

Geez, we even went to a friend's party and he almost started a fight, yes a PHYSICAL fight with someone after rudely commenting about the guy's wife and what a pain in the ass she was...

But of course, he doesn't get it. For years some people would ask me why I would just "shut down" and never expressed my opinions...it was because anytime I attempted to do so growing up he yelled at me...and yet, he doesn't see it.

With politics we can't talk about X is right or wrong, instead he has to say, "anyone who thinks X, Y or Z is a f*****g idiot!" and yet, he does not view this as offensive or abusive...even if he very well knows that he is referring to me believing or thinking X, Y or Z...

His response was basically that if he's talking to someone, I should stay away and NOT talk...and that he'll be sure to never talk to me about anything that he knows we disagree with...

I guess he forgot about the time not long ago where we couldn't find my son with autism in HIS house, where HE left the garage door open and I started yelling at my husband to go through the front door looking for our son, while I went through the back door....NOT yelling at my father, but at my husband...AFTER my father claimed my son was NOT in the garage...and then, MY MOTHER had to stop him as he came straight to me yelling at me and even my mother feared he was going to hit me! No, that is not disrespect...

A couple of years ago he wrote up a medical form of some sort and gave us all copies which state that if he is sick, my mother and SISTER are to make all decisions for him...and left my brother and I out...nice...somehow I'm supposed to believe that he respects me...

At this point, I give up. I do NOT plan to ever be anywhere near him again. I don't want him in my house. I don't want him anywhere near me. I want to move as far away as possible and never again see him.

Seems fair enough.... make him work to re-establish a relationship with you ....

However having said this, my dad was abusive, he is not the type you want to confront. But ... deep inside he is sad.

In a subtle way, check with your mum to see how he is coping with the break in your relationship.

Could he be aspie?

I was wondering the same thing. My father is more ADD than Aspie, but my Grandfather never contacts anyone, lives alone surrounded by hundreds of opera tapes arranged in a particular order, has several tics and says things that one just should not say in polite company. My mum always said he was quite immature when it came to relationships and whenever my Dad or other visitors came to their house, he would lock himself in his study and refuse to come out. That sounds a bit AS to me. It just goes to prove that there is SOME sort of genetic link.

Don't worry about your relationship, but don't break it off completely or you might regret it. A phrase comes to mind right now, 'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.'