Speak up if you're happy in your relationship

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juliekitty
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09 Oct 2008, 7:05 pm

I consider myself living proof that an aspie can be happy in love.

I think we just need to hold out for the right person.

It takes time and patience, but if you know who you are and what you want, you can find it if you look hard enough.

You just need to define who you are looking for - and because you are aspie, you can.

But holding out is key -- don't waste your time on someone unsuitable, just to get sex.

Comments welcome!



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09 Oct 2008, 7:08 pm

If you're happy and you know it, raise you hands ... :cheers:


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juliekitty
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09 Oct 2008, 7:12 pm

I guess I could summarize my point as --

Be selective.

Real selective.



Viddy
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09 Oct 2008, 8:31 pm

I'm happy enough with my relationship.

No relationship is perfect, anyone who says otherwise is delusional and clearly ignorant of the various flaws (but then that wouldn't be like an aspie now, would it?)



poopylungstuffing
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09 Oct 2008, 8:33 pm

I am happy in my relationships, though Flakey and I have been through rocky times in the past...



juliekitty
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09 Oct 2008, 8:42 pm

Viddy wrote:
clearly ignorant of the various flaws


know which flaws you can live with, I think is key...



Last edited by juliekitty on 09 Oct 2008, 8:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Viddy
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09 Oct 2008, 8:43 pm

Yeah, more or less. Accept that you should be selective but not a perfectionist. It's human nature to be fallable. That way you avoid some really bad partners and you don't end up chucking away some really good ones over one stupid thing.



Cyberman
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09 Oct 2008, 8:52 pm

DELETE.



Last edited by Cyberman on 09 Oct 2008, 11:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

techstepgenr8tion
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09 Oct 2008, 9:44 pm

Awesome Jules, glad you made it.


I'm still feverishly working on myself, not to be someone else but to actually assert the *me* that's on the inside rather than the distortion that's on the outside. I'm a month away from 29 so it's getting a little scary but I've learned one thing, all the road blocks that having PDD-NOS has held over my head, whatever I can't beat through sheer self control and effort seems to come to me a few years after I would have practically died for it (ie. luck with myself). I have a feeling I'll be on the mid-30's plan at this rate but whatever, every chance that I've blown off of just not being developmentally ready - I know what's what at this point, what I can literally help, what I can't, and I know not to break myself up over the things that are beyond my means (ie. some of the cuties who've shown interest but who I knew I just couldn't make any solid communication happen with yet).

BTW, even if this falls apart on you - no worries, anytime you find someone who literally makes you feel at home, someone you can open yourself up to and enjoy their company- its well worth the life experience and just the enjoyment of soul-sharing at the very least. As for the rest, no one's really in control - not aspies, not NT's, NT's can just make a lot of rather dysfunctional things work a bit longer and maintain their misery in those situations a bit longer before they flee their circumstances.



Tim_Tex
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09 Oct 2008, 9:47 pm

juliekitty wrote:
I guess I could summarize my point as --

Be selective.

Real selective.


I do that, yet I get criticized extensively for it.


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Last edited by Tim_Tex on 09 Oct 2008, 11:45 pm, edited 3 times in total.

CanyonWind
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09 Oct 2008, 10:01 pm

I'm entirely happy with my relationship.

She's a wonderful dog. I've had her since she was a puppy.


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gbollard
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09 Oct 2008, 10:56 pm

juliekitty wrote:
I guess I could summarize my point as --

Be selective.

Real selective.


Time to disagree a little.

Ok... I'm happy in love BUT I wasn't terribly selective in that I didn't hold out for years or try out lots and lots of people. My wife was my first proper girlfriend - and the first girl I ever kissed etc...

We first met when I was in year 9 at school and she started in year 7. We went out on and off for a while and finally got married exactly 10 years after we left school. I never went out with anyone else - so I wasn't selective or playing the field. She was perfect, so why bother looking.

We've just passed our 11th Anniversary, though we had major hickups around our 6th or 7th. For us, it wasn't a case of being selective, it was a case of being willing to work at our relationship.

Nothing works if you don't maintain it.



Orbyss
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09 Oct 2008, 11:30 pm

Sometimes firsts can be forevers, but that may be because they happened to be the ones we wanted anyway. Or, in the case of very young people, they grow around each other and into each other. Either way, I think it's a pretty rare situation.

That said....

Quote:
I think we just need to hold out for the right person.

It takes time and patience, but if you know who you are and what you want, you can find it if you look hard enough.

You just need to define who you are looking for - and because you are aspie, you can.

But holding out is key -- don't waste your time on someone unsuitable, just to get sex.


I agree with everything else, very heartily. :D



release_the_bats
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09 Oct 2008, 11:33 pm

I'm happy in my relationship.



juliekitty
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18 Oct 2008, 3:48 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
Awesome Jules, glad you made it.


Thanks. Me too.

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
I'm a month away from 29 so it's getting a little scary


Bah. You've got lots of time. See below.

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
I have a feeling I'll be on the mid-30's plan at this rate


I ended up on the early 40's plan. It was well worth the wait.

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
every chance that I've blown off of just not being developmentally ready - I know what's what at this point, what I can literally help, what I can't, and I know not to break myself up over the things that are beyond my means (ie. some of the cuties who've shown interest but who I knew I just couldn't make any solid communication happen with yet).


This is what I'm trying to get across -- it isn't all you.

Working on your issues is important, but you don't need to become perfect in order to deserve love. Nobody is perfect, and that includes the right person for you. The keys are (1) finding the right person FOR YOU; (2) accepting their imperfections the same way you'd like them to accept yours; and (3) -- what I'm hammering at here -- not WASTING YOUR TIME on anybody who ISN'T the right person.

In other words, to hell with the cuties. What else have they got? And if they don't have it, move on, no matter how cute they are. The time you spend with them is time you can't spend looking for the right one.

This isn't easy advice to follow. I suffered years of loneliness that I could have spent with someone else, just in order to be with someone else. But I chose not to take the easy prizes, because I knew all the previous contenders weren't the real thing.

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
BTW, even if this falls apart on you


I'm gonna thumb my nose at the evil eye by telling you it won't. :D