How does one get a girlfriend?

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And yet... when we talk to a generation or two earlier, there are stories rife with pursuits and repeated attempts; these are now missing from our own. There is all this talk of rules and approaches, when the only constant is every person and situation is different - there are generalities at best, which are often ill-fitting.

I disagree with Fnord's suggestion, though I see the logic in what he says. Being yourself is essential; the most important aspect being the best version of yourself possible. Find your strengths, accentuate them, adapt your weaknessed, admit your faults and keep laughing.


M.

I'm an aspie girl and I'm fairly certain if I wasn't so damn picky I could get a boyfriend whenever I wanted. Then again it's easier for girls to find guys looking for girls than the other way around I think.

You seem like a decent guy, so no problems in the personality department.

And about aspie qualities, I've found the very best way to integrate myself is (while learning to act NT certainly helped, I know not everyone is capable of this, I only am because of the vigorous and merciless "NT training" my parents put me through throughout my childhood) to use my aspie qualities to my advantage.

Show off the aspie qualities that NT's find attractive and appealing. The main ones of these are your intelligence and your knowledge, but take care not to sound like a textbook. Strangely enough, honesty and openness you have to be careful with because many NT's can find that disconcerting at first, and they might back off as a knee jerk reaction. I think from what I've heard and from my own experience it is only later in the relationship that NT's really learn to appreciate these qualities.

It always helps to exaggerate your confidence, physical attractiveness, and intelligence, and smirk a lot like you think "how cute but hopeless" - best way I can describe it (don't ask me why on the last one, it's just one of those things that gets girls swarming around guys like flies on meat even though it makes no logical sense - even I'm attracted to that one! ) Maybe you should get a guys advice on how to do "the smirk", cause it could go badly wrong if you get it wrong.

it has nothing at all to do with girlfriend boyfriend any friend or no friend at all.. it is about people, and how most tend to act think and react. read it, wont take more then an afternoon, an then come back an tell me you didnt gain anything from it. if u cant see people as people as opposed to as friend, girlfriend, or whatever other title you want to give them, then you have little chance im afraid. girlfriends are people too. in fact they typically start out as people, then slowly turn into girlfriends.. like lil butterflys. perhaps if u ignored the "winning friends" part an focused on the "influencing people" part the winning friends part would come about by its own natural course.

Ohh no my friend, a girl being physically attracted to you does not mean you have everything under control. You have to know what your doing once she is attracted to you, which is the hardest part!

I guess I can see where you're coming from. I took some acting lessons too... What I've been willing and able to do is to suppress some of the more unseemly traits of AS while in public... most people think I'm the bullshitter of the century when I tell them I'm an aspie. For day-to-day affairs, what you're talking about is fine.

But I can't keep it up forever. The longest I've been able to remain in this state is about 12 hours. Anything longer than that, and my aspie nature shows through again. In the case of college, it's easy since I can revert to aspie while I'm driving to and from school (45-50 min commute, up to an hour in rush hour traffic).

Changing such things on the surface doesn't bother me. What I refuse to do is adopt several of the NT traits into my core being (things like deceit and manipulation), since such traits would compromise my personal code of ethics.

The problem with that arises in that my NT emulation doesn't go deep enough to emulate NT-style romance. So if I attempt to be romantic, I become so incoherent that I can't even interact socially for some time after that... I've circumvented it slightly by approaching romantic interests as particularly good friends, but that obviously makes the woman think I'm not sexually interested in her, and therefore I get a ticket on the express bus to the friend zone...

Do you have any idea why NT's have a problem with honesty? I know it's fairly established that they have, but that makes absolutely no sense...

I think it's because it is a flirting tradition/custom to pretend that the involved parties are as close to perfect as possible. Total honesty and openness are also considered to be traits that you would admire in friends more than romantic interests.

ugh... to think that someone is perfect is folly, pure and simple. Attempting to do so means you are only deluding yourself...

Even in friendships, it's not prudent to tell people your life story and your secrets from the beginning. It may make them feel like you're trying to get close to them too quickly, because they might not be as comfortable with telling you about themselves. That's my idea of being too "honest", anyway.

No, not really. I wish I did.

Well obviously I wouldn't do that... no need to actually tell her stuff that happened when I was 6 years old and has no impact on the conversation at hand... but if she asks, I would answer...

Try reducing things, looking at them from a diferent angle. Everything we desire in life is based on our primal instincts, socializing increases our chances of survival through safty in numbers and aids our advancement through collaberation and shared information.
The only reason men and women pair together is to create genetic copies to continue our genetic lines, reproduction is a result of survival intinct and the continuation of your genetic line is the best answer you have for survival. Why do you think parents love their children unconditionally?
In order to ensure the survival of our lines far into the future, men and women seek out a mate with the best genetic traits that they can find, attraction is based on this. Inteligence, physical health, all attractive traits are examples of good genes.
Through this evolution continues it's course. Women are picky because they are fueled by survival intinct! Their most powerful driving force. Same with men.

Attract-->Build Comfort-->Seduce

Unless you are the often cited "Brad Pitt" and can already flip women's attraction switches you should start out as a charletain, using tactics to make yourself appear attractive to her subconcious self. She will feel attracted to you, but won't know or care why. In her mind, an attractive guy is just what you are.

After establishing yourself as attractive you move on to comfort, revert from your fun, playful, teasing banter to conversation with more substance. Another trick that comes to mind if you want her to want to see you again is investment, the more time, money etc. a person invests in somthing, the more valuble it seems to them. Notice how someone who works for something appreciates it more than someone who gets it handed to them on a silver platter?

Seduction is important because after the initial act of sex she will subcontiously see you as a mate.

This model is the result of years of collaberation by men seeking to master the art of courtship, many practitioners have mastered this art to a point they can get virtually any woman they want, even if they are married or in a relationship. I know this because I personally know people who have reached that level.
It goes much deeper than this breif description.

Money, women love money

jk, that only applies to sluts

be urself

First get a girlfriend and take her out in public thus showing to other females that obvisoly there is soemthing about you that can be used to maintain a girl's interest.

Personality > looks

Trust me, I have a facial deformaty.

too bad you can't see personality