Did You Name It Before You Knew?

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This is a question for anyone who was diagnosed with Asperger's or Autism as an adult.

Did you name it before you knew the name of it?

For me, I named it The Dead Man. The Dead Man was the name for all the things I had noticed that were wrong about me that other people didn't seem to have happen to them. Like the reluctance to break a daily pattern once I fall into one.

I'm just curious if other people had names for Asperger's or Autism before they knew they had it.

Many years ago I called it Social Dyslexia.

That's what I called myself about 20 years ago when I was in my mid-20's. Not a bad description, even if I say so myself.

I just assumed that everybody was like me so I called it 'Being Normal' until I was around 12 and then it was "strangeness".

I still often refer to it as asocialism.

I've always called it my bubble.

Being Shanti. That's my name.

Then I called it social anxiety, but that name was already taken.

The Crazies!! !!

What a great question. I'm not sure I had a name for myself before I was dxed, other than the usual "freakin' weird and frustrated by people." But I always referred to my Aspie father as a black and white photograph. Still do. I used to see myself that way as well, come to think of it, until I discovered knitting. It was then that I discovered color, and realized that my soul is in love with color, texture, and beauty of all kinds. That's when I started to see myself in color.

"Socially Naive"

Though I didn't call it that before I was diagnosed with AS as and adult, that is how I thought of myself.

I had no name for it but I simply thought of myself as being on one end of the Bell curve or the other on just about everything. Now I know why.

I don't think I ever called it any thing, but then as a child a knew a child who had Autism and didn't see him as being different than me, but people called him Autistic and not me.

I think may way of naming it, without naming it was the constant believe that I was adopted, or a mermaid, or an alien, or a shapeshifter that would one day take back my true form.

As a child I was so sure of this belief that I was actually quite content, I believed this completely, and in doing so believed it was just a matter of waiting. It was as I got older (around 9) that I realised that this was not the case and that caused me to slip into a severe depression. It created what I call a fracture, where I knew something was different about me, but had no answer to proof that I was, causing my to for thw most part fear I was insane.

It is only now that I have an explaination for my way of being that I have begun to slowly climb out of it. I wouldn't say I'm not depressed but I'm having at least a few more good days that I had before and my brain feels more orderly and rational now I'm not trying anymore to explain what I believed was unexplainable. Now I know I don't have to keep fitting my round peg into a square hole, as far as I'm concerned there is no hole for my circle peg but the universe. It's because it's such a big hole that caused the absense in my heart, but just because I can't see the part where it stops being a hole, doesn't mean it's not there. It just mean I'm not yet big another to see or feel it....but that's good, it just means that theres more room for me to grow.

hmmm...sometimes I'd refer to myself as a 'non-standard deviant'...but mostly it was 'wtf is wrong with me?

Yes. But not in words, so I guess I'd have to translate, if that's possible. When I was really little I was fascinated with what is known (at least I know it now) with 'Degrees of Freedom.' In math, this means (simple version here) if there are 5 objects, the counter (self) must start counting "1,2,3,4,5" instead of "0,1,2,3,4." I was always curious about this - is zero something?

I think it is this for me - conceptually, since always. And for 'That which is outside,' or 'What is not self,' would be as if looking through a mirror, which is of course not possible. Seemingly, others (Neurotypicals) can see through but I'm locked from the other side of the mirror.

Now I know too this is like chiral compounds, "The other hand." Something like that. I am the observer - from the other side.

Thinking about it more I always liked the idea of something called "The Nameless".

That always seemed to fit with everything that I couldn't understand about myself.