disowning society
RoisinDubh
Deinonychus
Joined: 24 Jan 2009
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 341
Location: Somewhere else entirely
I have dreamt of becoming a total hermit since I was a child, but have never full-on done it. It may well happen yet, since for years I've taken several-week to several-month long breaks from everyone and everything (out of necessity, or so it felt to me), and of the tentative plans my boyfriend and I have discussed, one of the more frequently discussed ones involves moving to the middle of nowhere, far away from anyone, and becoming totally self-sufficient.
Nearly 18 years in NYC, the physical manifestation of overstimulation, has actually made the idea of cutting myself off from society completely even MORE appealing.
I'm kind of here with everyone else ... especially in the reclusive end of things.
I'm too tired to keep trying. Been kicked in the teeth and in the gut (figuratively speaking) too many times, and I just don't feel like trying to explain myself anymore. Useless endeavor anyway - they never understand. Anymore, I tend to speak in songs. Then they overreact and think I'm suicidal. There is a difference between feelings and taking action.
What surprises me is the random acts of kindness from strangers that I receive sometimes. That, I am grateful for, and I try to reciprocate. Humanity as a whole, however, no longer surprises me with its determination to hurt, kill, destroy, or otherwise torture itself and every living thing it encounters.
That kind, compassionate people still exist is what surprises me. But I find them ... sometimes. I try not to bother them too much, though ... I can irritate even the most patient ones. And it hurts to see them get hurt by the world.
I'm new here. I've been at my wits' end lately, backed into corners about things. Found two places that I could browse and not post - or post if I wanted to but didn't have to.
I have a family, but often wish I could live alone. Probably better that I don't - I'd be a total hermit then ... it's in my nature.
And sometimes it's only for a moment. For example, My siblings & their kids are so spread out, we only get everyone in the same place once a year. There are moments when I feel like, "Ok, I've seen them all, now I can go home." But it passes and I get involved in another good conversation.
Have you kept any kind of a diary/journal? Would that work as a book?
thyme
Veteran
Joined: 5 Aug 2007
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 825
Location: Over the Hills and Far Away
@thyme
It helps to do workarounds, be very resourceful, and try positive thinking and other creative techniques to provide solutions. In an emergency you can ask for help. Your concerns are valid.
@Tahitiii
A bunch of scribbles on calendars and disorganized rantings in a dozen notebooks where I work out strategies and such, not exactly a proper journal. A book on hermiting? hmm...maybe..
Abu_Zarqawi
Snowy Owl
Joined: 31 Jan 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 138
Location: Jabal an-Nabi Shu'ayb
society often feels like a pretty sh***y place to live, but i still love it and wouldn't become a hermit for all the money in the world. just because society is full of suffering doesn't mean that suffering is all there is. there is love and friendship, there is beauty and wonder, and there are amazing experiences to be had. those things make it more than worth it to suffer the slings and arrows of a flawed society
I can see why you use the young Abu as your avatar and not his most recent pic.