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Anemone
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08 Mar 2009, 12:11 pm

I think part of the problem is that some men are really blatantly obvious, so when men aren't, I don't think they're interested. I met a really nice guy once, and since he didn't leer, I figured he was gay. If I'd shown any interest, it's possible he would have asked me out, but I'll never know. I honestly thought he was gay! Then a couple of years later he mentioned a girlfriend and I thought ooops!

Honestly, nice guys should drop a hint here or there once we've gotten through a conversation or two and started feeling safe. Just a hint. That they're straight, at least.



sinsboldly
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08 Mar 2009, 3:08 pm

I have found when men are bold and come on strong, it's because they know they have a naif on/in their hands! I am charmed and embarrassed and my internal sense of someone finally sees what a fabulous woman I actually am gets all hung up in exhibiting my inner priestess, my bringer-of-weather, the erotic goddess within.

sheesh! what a mess. No wonder I learned to move on a moments' notice and get the hell out of dodge when it all comes crashing down around my ears. I wonder if it would be better, now that I know I am autistic, and know my imagination doesn't always translate well through to the physical plane. Now I know when they laugh, it's not due to estatic harmonic convergence of our souls, but humored indulgence to gain their own ends, as I always suspected.

Merle


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poopylungstuffing
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08 Mar 2009, 9:52 pm

Gads...I don't know if this is one of the non-spectrumy things about me, but I tend to do really well with dating...well..it's not dating..it's relationships...I don't do dates very well..

I have only attempted at flirting a couple of times, and all of the long term relationships I have been in sorta fell into my lap with no need for flirting.

In fact, I was so blind to cues, and so unwilling to assume things, that most of my relationships have sorta blindsided me.

Part of the reason I am good with relationships is that I started really young. My first relationship lasted 6 years and was kinda difficult...there was a big communication gap between us....but it seemed to set me up for the pattern I have had for the last 12-or so years...

funny side note...my first major relationship was with [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cQM6suFbcA[/youtube] Ghengis Khan :wink: the actor in this commercial....

Most of my friends are male...i am romantically/sexually involved with two of them..one for 6 years on and off...and the other for 8 months(but we have been friends for 5 years)...but essentially, they are friends/partners/companions...we are unconventional people who have unconventional relationships.

Flakey likes me because I am somewhat dependable and I don't beat him up like his mature NT previous girlfriends have been prone to do. My other friend likes me...I think...because i am there for him, and I know him well and I am like a padded wall that he can bounce off of...and we are both very right-brained... We are both like little kids, but I have a maternal streak that I take out on him, and he needs it...Though sometimes, I can either be overprotective...or give him the benefit of the doubt and be underprotective at times when he needs protecting....
Both my male friends are at least close to being on the spectrum, if not on it...my other friend moreso than Flakey..
I like both of them because it is rare to find people who don't make me feel uncomfortable and also they are both silly, childlike and creative.


Sorry to ramble...i am good at relationships....I have never really "dated" much...I could not imagine really meeting a stranger for the express potential of "dating"...the times it has happened were awkward and weird.



outlier
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09 Mar 2009, 7:51 am

A lot of the time, I'd have trouble determining whether I was actually on a date.

There were some occasions when I thought they were just trying to be friends, until they grabbed my hand or something.

There were some where I thought we were on a date, but they said it wasn't one 'cause we were already together.

Then there was one who took me to an expensive restaurant and then announced that he hoped I didn't think him doing this gave me the impression he really liked me. I just accepted that he didn't like me, saying I could see why. He patronized me for my response, then we continued our meal.



poopylungstuffing
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09 Mar 2009, 11:12 am

outlier wrote:
A lot of the time, I'd have trouble determining whether I was actually on a date.

There were some occasions when I thought they were just trying to be friends, until they grabbed my hand or something.

There were some where I thought we were on a date, but they said it wasn't one 'cause we were already together.

Then there was one who took me to an expensive restaurant and then announced that he hoped I didn't think him doing this gave me the impression he really liked me. I just accepted that he didn't like me, saying I could see why. He patronized me for my response, then we continued our meal.


I know what you mean.... :roll:
If it is not somehow formally announced that it is supposed to be a date, then how am i supposed to know that it is one?
Am/was I supposed to just automatically assume that it is a date, or that the person is interested in me every time i go someplace with a member of the opposite sex? It is not something that I automatically know....
I guess I am supposed to also automatically know that the only reason a guy at a bar wants to buy you a drink is because he is hoping to get to know you better in hopes that you will possibly "put out"... :? ...but if you refuse his "generous" offer of "simply buying a girl a drink for no other reason than to be nice"..he gets offended...

There was this signifigantly older guy...when I was about 22 or so...fresh out of my 6-year-long relationship with "Genghis Khan"....
I thought he was hanging out with me because he was a friend of my uncle. He would invite me out to restauraunts and movies... :roll: I could not possibly conceive that a guy that much older could be interested in me...I thought he was just hanging out with me for other reasons...I did notice though that he would pepper in phrases to imply that he was a lot younger than my uncle......I was clueless till he started...trying to invade my personal space... :?

When my (AS-ish friend who I am now involved with) invited me to see Tom Waits, he invited me by calling Flakey an hour before I needed to be at the concert hall and offering to take either one of us because he had an extra ticket..Flakey let me go because I was a bigger fan. He made some jokes about us "going on a date". I was nervous because for certain reasons, I thought he might try to flirt with me...but he flatly explained that he had bought an extra ticket because he could and because he knew Tom Waits would sell out and the maximum number of tickets anyone could buy was 2, and he could always figure out something to do with the extra ticket...like possibly sell it..but he would rather go with someone than alone. He talked about some awkward attempt he made at asking some girl, who disqualified herself by not really being that "in" to Tom Waits...but he thought to ask me at the last minute because he knew I was a big fan.
At the concert, he sat next to me, rocking slightly, rigidly making no physical contact even though slight casual contact was difficult to avoid in the tiny cramped old theater seats... :wink:..Later we went to a bar that was having a Tom Waits party, had a few drinks, and then he left without saying goodbye.

I look back on that with regret..I wish we had been able to be at least slightly more comfortable next to each other at that time...it would have been an awesome and amazing date...if it had been one.... :wink:



poopylungstuffing
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09 Mar 2009, 11:33 am

:? ...and then there are the "dates" i supposedly went on with Flakey and his other girlfriend at the time.. :?
(he was courting me under the guise of friendship while involved with someone else..and somehow I was supposed to know what was going on)

Dating is weird. I seemingly have the inability to learn from experience regarding them...

I don't miss it.



sinsboldly
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09 Mar 2009, 1:48 pm

poopylungstuffing wrote:
:? ...and then there are the "dates" i supposedly went on with Flakey and his other girlfriend at the time.. :?
(he was courting me under the guise of friendship while involved with someone else..and somehow I was supposed to know what was going on)

Dating is weird. I seemingly have the inability to learn from experience regarding them...

I don't miss it.


yeah, what is it with this? I was invited to go to a RollingStones concert with a guy, and when we GOT there, he met up with his girlfriend (I found this out much later) and she kept shooting me dirty looks the whole concert. I suppose I looked like I had confidence and arrogance to treat her kindly (which just ticked her off, by the way) as I was naive enough to think I was the third wheel on the date. Much later when that guy and I were 'together' he laughed at the way I had treated her, and I found out he was trying to dump her. Now that I look back, that was how he dumped me, too.

oh, well, I saw the Stones!

Merle


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sinsboldly
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09 Mar 2009, 1:48 pm

poopylungstuffing wrote:
:? ...and then there are the "dates" i supposedly went on with Flakey and his other girlfriend at the time.. :?
(he was courting me under the guise of friendship while involved with someone else..and somehow I was supposed to know what was going on)

Dating is weird. I seemingly have the inability to learn from experience regarding them...

I don't miss it.


yeah, what is it with this? I was invited to go to a RollingStones concert with a guy, and when we GOT there, he met up with his girlfriend (I found this out much later) and she kept shooting me dirty looks the whole concert. I suppose I looked like I had confidence and arrogance to treat her kindly (which just ticked her off, by the way) as I was naive enough to think I was the third wheel on the date. Much later when that guy and I were 'together' he laughed at the way I had treated her, and I found out he was trying to dump her. Now that I look back, that was how he dumped me, too.

oh, well, I saw the Stones!

Merle


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Morgana
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09 Mar 2009, 5:01 pm

outlier wrote:
A lot of the time, I'd have trouble determining whether I was actually on a date.


A lot of the time, I had trouble determining whether I was actually in a relationship! I guess that might be a topic for a whole other thread...but I always expected there would be some kind of a talk beforehand, so it was clear. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, so I thought sex was just sex- unless you talked about it being an actual relationship. On quite a few occasions, I found myself in a relationship, and wasn´t quite sure how I had gotten there.... :oops: I´m much more careful now.


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outlier
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09 Mar 2009, 5:20 pm

Morgana wrote:
A lot of the time, I had trouble determining whether I was actually in a relationship! I guess that might be a topic for a whole other thread...but I always expected there would be some kind of a talk beforehand, so it was clear. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, so I thought sex was just sex- unless you talked about it being an actual relationship. On quite a few occasions, I found myself in a relationship, and wasn´t quite sure how I had gotten there.... :oops: I´m much more careful now.


Same here :lol: . They'd suddenly start talking about relationship issues and I'd be thinking "Oh. This is the person I'm going to be with, then. Okay." I didn't really grasp back then that there was a choice.



poopylungstuffing
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09 Mar 2009, 7:18 pm

My problem was that I assumed that if a guy wanted to have sex with me that meant he wanted a relationship... :roll:...gads....

I didn't understand stuff happening outside the format of a "relationship since i was in a relationship during many of my formative years



Last edited by poopylungstuffing on 09 Mar 2009, 11:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

millie
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09 Mar 2009, 7:57 pm

at age 16 i decided i would try to get a boyfriend as that is what the other girls were doing and doing successfully.

i got one.

the only problem was my reason for liking him was his fair-isle patterned (hand knitted) sweater. it was a fantastic sweater. it really stood out. (it helped that he was also a pot addict like i was. )

i don't think things have advanced much since then. i still fall in love with patterns... and people are the objects that i cannot quite make sense of because of their changeable, unpredictable and spontaneous ways.

give me the symmetry of that sweater any day. :wink:



poopylungstuffing
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09 Mar 2009, 10:32 pm

My friend (mentioned above) is in love with patterns. He can identify any camouflage pattern and tell you the country it is from and the era in which it was used. It is one of the things that is so impressive about him :wink:

kinda aside from the point...



Windigo
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16 Oct 2015, 11:09 am

I don't deal with dating.

I was raised in a very dysfunctional family, and the few times I have dated it has ended up in abusive situations. I'm in therapy for that now and I hope that will help me to be able to deal with dating in the future.

Also, the men I've dated have all said that I am too masculine and too rational, and that dating me is like dating a guy. What it is that I don't have and NT women do I will probably never know.


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16 Oct 2015, 2:16 pm

outlier wrote:
A lot of the time, I'd have trouble determining whether I was actually on a date.

There were some occasions when I thought they were just trying to be friends, until they grabbed my hand or something.


This has happened to me too. Actually, one time a guy started holding my hand and I still didn't catch on. We met in the middle of the day to walk around at a park and I thought we were just hanging out as friends. I was not at all attracted to the guy so the thought of it being a date had honestly not crossed my mind. Then he suddenly started kissing me. I was so surprised and horrified I just froze.

I have had too many surprises like that over the years, now I'm scared to make friends with guys anymore, also a has been a problem in the workplace and even weirder situations I don't want to mention. And this is the main reason I've always avoided casual dating, I don't know how to read those signals or fend off unwanted physical advances.