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TD124
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05 Mar 2009, 5:37 am

I have this online girlfriend that i have been with for almost a yeah
I really love her, and she is actually trying to get a schollarship in Denmark so we can get together in "RL"

But i read somewhere that aspies are prone to getting lovers online, but lack the skills to keep the relationship going when meeting in person.

Does anyone have any experience in this? if so, do you have any good advices or suggestions for me?


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Michjo
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05 Mar 2009, 5:56 am

I think it's more of a case of having different expectations than a lack of skills. In most cases where a relationship between an aspie and an NT doesn't work out, the aspie is usually undiagnosed.

Get to know what she wants and expects from a relationship, she won't tell you absolutely everything, she'll expect you to just know certain things. What she doesn't tell you, you can easily find out by reading a forum full of nt's complaining about their aspie spouses :wink:

Most importantly though, just be yourself and don't try to be someone else.



BobTheMartian
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05 Mar 2009, 1:50 pm

TD124 wrote:
I have this online girlfriend that i have been with for almost a yeah
I really love her, and she is actually trying to get a schollarship in Denmark so we can get together in "RL"

But i read somewhere that aspies are prone to getting lovers online, but lack the skills to keep the relationship going when meeting in person.

Does anyone have any experience in this? if so, do you have any good advices or suggestions for me?


I have some very painful and drastic first-hand experience in this matter. We had this *very* intense online relationship, and as soon as we met in person, the chemistry just evaporated, and within a month she was telling me she wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

Looking back, I'm not sure if there was anything I could have done about it. My best advice is to make sure she understands what the unpleasant little quirks in your behavior are going to be and is okay with them. However, this is what I did, and she said she was fine with it, but the game changes once you actually meet and brain chemicals take over. As it turns out, she thought she was okay with it but in reality she was lying to both me and herself.

Just make sure she understands what she's getting into before you go about doing anything big, and just hope that she's the kind of person who can overlook some of those little things. It's quite possible that no matter how serious your online relationship has gotten, it could be proven to have all been a house of cards in light of this simple matter of physical chemistry. It's not fair, but really, it's up to fate at this point. Your relationship's already been established. The best advice I can give is that you use what knowledge you have of her likes and dislikes and try to cover as many of the bases; do as many of the little things as possible to make yourself appealing. Hair, clothes, aftershave, etc. etc. I used to visualize the way our meetings were going to go and practice everything I wanted to say and the way I wanted to behave. We all fight uphill battles when it comes to relationships, so just try to be the best you can be and hope that your good qualities outshine her vanities. All I can say is try not to be too hard on yourself; the success of the relationship is in her hands for the most part.


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Keeno
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05 Mar 2009, 8:14 pm

TD124 wrote:
I have this online girlfriend that i have been with for almost a yeah
I really love her, and she is actually trying to get a schollarship in Denmark so we can get together in "RL"

But i read somewhere that aspies are prone to getting lovers online, but lack the skills to keep the relationship going when meeting in person.

Does anyone have any experience in this? if so, do you have any good advices or suggestions for me?


The best advice I would give is to expect absolutely nothing from an online relationship. I wouldn't advise you to dump her, since you are in a relationship and you wouldn't want to let that go. But I fear that the very second she finds a positive relationship with a man in real life, she'll finish with you. To be honest, that's what always happens.