Talking, talking, talking and more talking....

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Anyone have a REALLY hard time knowing when to shut up? I have lots of special interests, but none of them are particularly "weird" (current science topics, environmental issues, crafts, gardening, blah, blah, blah...). I can blend right in with my interests, but I always stick out like a sore thumb because of how much I can talk. I hate it when I start in on something and then I realize that everyone is looking at me like I have lobsters crawling out of my ears. I just don't notice that I have gone on to long until it is too late.

Another thing that happens to me a lot of the time.....

I have to correct information that is "incorrect"! !! A great example of this would be something that happened to me the other day. I went in to Service Canada to get a social insurance number. I moved here from another country and had to become a permanent resident before I could have the number issued. In keeping with being "AS"... I have read every line of every page of every link and .pdf file that Immigration Canada has sticking out there. I know the process inside and out!! When I went to get the card, the gal at the desk tried to tell me that I could have gotten a card right away if I had only given her my passport and landing information as soon as I came to Canada. WRONG! That is absolutely NOT how it works! I wasn't mean or anything, but I had to comment that she was actually mistaken and then I had to explain to her how the process worked for me (it really depends upon your situation as to what you can and cannot do!). I explained to her that there was actually no combination of circumstances that I could think of that would ever result in an individual being able to obtain a social insurance number without holding the permanent residence status first. I then explained to her that the wait time to become a permanent resident averages one year for most people and in my case it was 18 months! I was smiling and cheerful and felt like I was actually somehow helping this lady.... She was nice about it and all, but I knew she thought I was a FREAK! I just couldn't stop myself!! I got on fine with the lady and she was very nice (so was I, actually). It was just awkward because I knew she knew that something was weird about me....

What do you folks do when this happens? How do you resist without being totally anti-social? The only think that seems to work for me is to just say nothing, but that is AWFUL for me. I like to talk to people... I just have a hard time finding ones that want to talk to me.

Heh, I can't help, but I can definitely relate. I NEVER shut up, especially when it is about something that interests me.

I don't talk that much to begin with so I can easily shut up. I have a hard time just starting a conversation, whether it's about the things I like or not. It all comes down to the person, really.

I like the idea of pretending you are testifying in court!!

I think, however, that I have the hardest time when I have been asked a question. That is when I get myself into the most trouble. It is easier for me if I am the one asking about something because it is easy to stop after you have asked whatever it was.

I actually am seeing a therapist right now who is working with me on conversational skills. She drew this series of concentric circles with "me" on the inside and "everyone else" on the outside. There are something like 4 or 5 layers between "me" and "everyone else". It seems that I had almost NO IDEA that there were any layers in a conversation. I just have two speeds.... talking and not talking!

"" pretending you are testifying in court""


but then all i would say is
- yes
- no
- i saw nothing
- i heard nothing
- i`m not answering that
- get these cuffs off me you swine

You have a good point! Conversations would be really wanting after a while....

I really hope that I can learn a good "visual" for talking to people from this therapist. I am working on coming up with a meaningful mental image of how a conversation opperates to guide me. Ya know? Anyone else rely on mental images to get along in certain situations? I feel like I think almost exclusively in boolean variables half the time when I am dealing with people!

I've got this problem so bad. I make a conscious effort to only say things I think the other person finds interesting, but sometimes I just end up on a tangent where, fascinating or not, the other person just can't respond. Like when I talk about a book I really like that the other person's never read. I'll pretty much tell them the whole story from the beginning, being theatrical to get my point across and generally enjoying reliving a subject. But when I'm done, the conversation's usually dead because, oops! What can the other person really say about a subject they don't know anything about? 'Wow, it sounds neat.' Done. And if I want to keep talking (and lord knows I do) I end up just picking up a related topic I enjoy which they also probably don't know anything about. Eventually the person's going to get bored of me talking at them instead of with them.

The only proper solution I know of is to have more than one listener present. Chances are better that someone's going to know what I'm talking about and secondary topics and conversations become frequent. It's a better solution than the ever-awkward "So anyway, uh, what've you been up to?".

i learn alot from my aspie friend and i call him "sensei" (teacher, in japanese) cuz he talks about subjects i'm ignorant of all the time. it's fascinating to listen to him and learn how his mind works. it's amazing to me that he can remember all these facts, details from history, science and so-on but he can't keep his shoes tied or can't find the salad container i loaned him a month ago. if your friends really love you, give them an opportunity to study up on some of your interests so they have a bit of prior knowledge.

Actually, ptown... you are on to something! The only times in my life when I have "clicked" with people have been when those people happened to be interested in one of my "specialities". I have a few friends who are geologists (like me) and who are interested in science, a few friends who are into gardening, paganism and medieval culture (and various other ancient religions and cultures), blah, blah, blah... Most of them are NT folks. Some of them could be AS. There is one for sure who is schizo/multiple personality. Totally WEIRD person, but loads of fun to be around! The way I see it... I have no room to think anyone is "too weird" because I have been on the receiving end of that name! I am just all to happy to have someone who knows about my interests and it is just so AWSOME when you find someone who might even know MORE than you do about a topic! HOLY WHACK-A-MOLY!! What a concept! Learning from a friend rather than a book, movie or whatever mode of media...

WhipStitches...
glad to be of service. i consider every opportunity hanging out with my aspie friend as "schooling." sadly, my NT middle aged brain can't retain much of it without later prompting. that's so cool you're a geologist. i live "right on top" of the san andreas fault...it literally runs through my neighborhood...

That's actually some very helpful insight. I never thought about it like that before. All of my friends share multiple major hobbies with me, and they don't get bent out of shape when I go on tangents about it.

Maybe talking all the time's not so bad.