Needing Advice: how to deal with a gym idiot

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This should be a non-issue but it's annoying the hell out of me.

I knew this guy at the local gym was gonna be trouble when I first saw him a couple years ago. . . Body language stuff. 14 year old overall look/style when you are like 20. Making it a point of doing an exercise right after I do with like twice the weight and bouncing all the shot - even if it means an obvious routine deviation. Talking like a redneck. Grabbing his gfs butt in front of everyone and making GROSS overly sexual comments about her to the crowd; a skinny indian girl dyed blonde with blantant breast implants - hope she's alright by now.

Luckily I go to more than one gym so I didn't have to see his face most of these years.

As of late 2008 this guy begins showing up again - or I changed my schedule; whatever.

. . .and the point is that this douchebag has been harassing me for the past few months.

. . . started by staring at me, then went on an increasing spree of shouting things about my looks - from a distance, from within his circle of buddies, when I'm off-guard doing something else.
First time once, next week two, third three. . . all the while getting closer, staring more and this last time he actually threatened with physical violence. He has yet to confront me directly as he always gets his friends to (often passively) take part "Man, just look at him, I'm gonna punch this fa***t any time". Still, this was said pretty close to me and I don't like the way things are escalating.

This guy comes every single day and lingers with friends and staff like the place is some sort of social haven.
I don't want to sound classist but from his talk (both in form and content), looks and the sheer amount time he spends at the locker rooms as if it were the bathroom of his own house, I conclude he is not from the neighbourhood (most people talk less, do their routine and jog a couple blocks home to shower there). In all, the place seems to hold some meaning for him that it doesn't for me.

Because of the above, while I technically have a 75% chance of beating him up 1 on 1, I can't.

I'm much older. That's the fun of it. This guy singled me out like some highschool bully but highschool was over for me over a decade ago. I'm not even sure why is he so obsessed with me! I can't afford to beat someone up and cause a public mess unless I absolutely have to for obvious self-defense. This guy will never work at the kind of company I work at, might not even graduate from uni; seems more like the kind of person who hasn't much to lose if he gets arrested. I can't be known to get into fights like that.
He is friends with everyone including the staff. While his friends don't go out of their way to harass me - most are usually polite, some even socialize with me a bit; especially as of late - he uses them to pivot all the harassment; if they are not present he won't say or do anything.
It also means they'll testify in his favour if there is a fight and probably protect him.

. . .so I've been thinking of moving most of my workout to a gym a few blocks further away where I have all my acquaintances.

I still want to know if expert gym-goers know of other ways to deal with scum like him.

I'm not one to go to a gym, but I'd say go to one of the other gyms you mentioned you use. He'll be in jail soon enough, no reason to involve yourself.

Its nice to hear you're keeping yourself healthy - congratulations!

If changing gyms isn't an option, threaten the gym owners with a sexual harassment lawsuit since the staff seems to be involved with it/allowing it.

Otherwise... It kind of sounds like he has a crush on you...

He is attempting to establish his dominance.NT alpha males (a tiny minority of the NT male population) often feel threatened by Aspie males who are well built or tough,we unknowingly do not send out the body language that indicates our deference or dominance to the NT alpha and this is confusing and/or threatening to them.I get the exact same thing at work from an NT who I could knock out with one punch-mouthy when he has his NT mates with him but not so brave when we are on our own.
I have taken to deliberately sitting at his table in the canteen.Its the sort of invasion of his territory that really annoys him.If I get to his table before him he sits at another on his own without his posse-he has been displaced as Alpha male.
Of course being an Aspie I don`t care about any of the Alpha male herd stuff-they can all go to hell in a handcart for all I care but it makes for an amusing pastime.

Most workplaces/organisations have anti-harrasment polices. Maybe you could mention what's happening to a staff member and ask to see a copy of their policy. That might be enought to worry them into doing something.

Alternatively, if you are a member of other gyms it may be easier to just go to a different gym.

you could try talking to him and asking him to stop, but chances are that won't work. if you don't mind dealing with the staff you could make a complaint, but then you'll probably have to deal with him some more. i'd say the easiest thing would be to go to that other gym, you said it's only a few blocks away so it's not that inconvenient, and your acquaintances are there so that could be another plus.

Well, I didn't want to make the first post way too long but my gut feeling of the situation has been along those lines.

My gut feeling is this (just a gut feeling, that is) :

- That clique always has been raising an eyebrow at the fact that we kept running into each other without exchanging a word; that said, their attitude never helped.

I've always dreaded it'd come to this because of that - but it didn't.

- The harassment started soon after I caught up with this guy's in terms of weight lifted. I wonder whether this is a coincidence seeing his initial idiocy of making it a point to show the world he lifted more than I. There was something subtle going on with him about the time this happened - namely when I confidently asked him to take turns with some weights; he kind of walked away, wasn't aggressive but something was brewing - I thought. Maybe it's just me. . .

- There's a 40 something year old douche in that clique. The more I rejected his artificial attempts at sociallizing with me the more he stared at me. He's one of the few that goes to both gyms too (I find him watching me at both). He knows well I practice a certain combat sport, he's probably seen me, and I've seen him telling others about that. Maybe all that talk egged this younger idiot into feeling he has to prove something.

- There's another moron in that group who may be jealous of me or just pissed off with life - arrogant and miserable at the same time. Another guy about my size. He's not hostile when I talk to him but he really is into all this harassment thing anyway; laughing, whispering and whatnot. . .

- Did other members of this clique become more friendly with me when this guy upped the harassment or this guy upped the harassment because he didn't like me invading his turf?


Why this is all so stupid?
My looks are nothing special. I'm not much more or much less stronger than this guy is.
Whatever he picks on to try and ridicule me is not picked upon by over 90% of the people around me - and no one else is so goddamn hostile about it.
I'm like a decade older or a bit less. I speak 3 languages and already did my post-grad: Why on earth should this guy be singling me out? We have nothing to do with each other! Why doesn't he go single out some of the random 60-something year olds while he is at it? wth?

sigh. . .

Say you'll spot for him, then just dop 200lb of weights on his throat. I don't think he'll be too cocky after that.

Seriously, you should probably make a complaint to the manager of the gym, and if he carries on being a douche, just file to get him kicked out. Mutual respect and all that, tell him to f*ck off, basically.

To the OP, I'm sorry man, wish I could give you some practical advice. I had something kinda similar, where this idiot who worked the front counter would make no effort to greet me, then get all happy and nice when somebody else came in. I tried being social with him, but that made it worse. The only time he spoke to me was when I did something wrong with the equipment.

But that sucks really bad that the staff is in on it. I'd go one step higher. Or even call the police when I was threatened again. Good luck, and pray for guidance if you're inclined to believe.

Wow - your personal gym troll sounds horribly insecure. I've had several such trolls in my life but all at work plus one family member.

This may or may not relate, but an NT female friend of mine theorizes that with us women at least, female supervisors and managers tend to be really threatened by female subordinates who are confident and comfortable in a job they're good at. Almost as if to say, "Why aren't you either scared of me or after my job?"

Sounds very much like the AlphaNT/indifferent Aspie dynamic described here. We don't play the pecking-order game and that somehow throws the person off.

As for what to do, I for one would absolutely hate to switch gyms - I'd feel like the ass somehow 'won.' Shallow and petty I know, almost NT in a sense? A compromise might be to make it very well-known to his staff friends: "Sorry, but this guy keeps hitting on me and not taking the hint that I'm not interested. I think I'm going to have to switch gyms to avoid him." Let him stew in that for a while.

Just an idea. Good luck!

Don't take my word for it, but if he's really that wrapped up about proving he's better than you, he isn't going to risk direct confrontation of any kind. Probably if you show him you're prepared to call him on his BS he'll shut up real fast. It's likely what everyone else does; you're just a nice, clueless boy with AS, is all.

I dont know how old that guy is, but what he is doing is really immature. It's pretty sad actually. You should either tell the owner about him or else just switch gyms if its not too much trouble.

Maybe he likes you? Either way what he is doing sounds really elementary school-ish. He's probably just jealous that you're stronger than him.