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lotusblossom
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06 Apr 2009, 10:23 am

Aspie_Chav wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
Aspie_Chav wrote:
On Saturday Speeddater lock and key, when talking to some woman did say that I come over as a very happy person. I figured that I too must suffer from Fat-Jolly-Girl Syndrome also. On the outside I appear happy, on the inside miserable as hell.


WTF? :lmao:

What'Wait! You think a lie me y tell!
Fat-Jolly-Girl Syndrome; I don't now if this sydrome has a scientific name. Make those who are not the most attractive, an small advantage that will help them find somone, as they appear very happy. The opposite of an unhappy person who most o unnatractive. I know one girl at work; and when she comes into a room, she makes me smile? her favorate word is "Its Friday". And noone would know that yout of 300 men, I am the closest thng to a depressed Mr Spock.


I dont understand why you dont have any luck though as when we met you were handsome, funny, intelligent and all good things. Must be something wrong with the women you are persuing.



mitharatowen
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06 Apr 2009, 11:10 am

Well I don't know about anyone else but I am pretty darn needy and clingy. I obsess about the person I like to very 'unhealthy' proportions (according to NT standards). To be 'mentally stable' I should be able to not concern myself so much with the obsession of another's happiness but rather be happy with and live to please myself.

That doesn't sound appealing to me.



ToadOfSteel
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06 Apr 2009, 11:38 am

mitharatowen wrote:
Well I don't know about anyone else but I am pretty darn needy and clingy. I obsess about the person I like to very 'unhealthy' proportions (according to NT standards). To be 'mentally stable' I should be able to not concern myself so much with the obsession of another's happiness but rather be happy with and live to please myself.

That doesn't sound appealing to me.


I'm pretty much the same way with everything... I get obsessive about doing things for other people to gain their approval... and it's hurting my academc progress because I see things that impact only myself as not worthy of finishing (although I regain said dedication while doing group projects)...

Tell you what... move to NJ and we can get classified as codependents... then we can each have higher self-esteem without having to feel like narcissists in the process... :P



mitharatowen
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06 Apr 2009, 11:46 am

^ :lol:



Space
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06 Apr 2009, 12:29 pm

jawbrodt wrote:
Space wrote:
jawbrodt wrote:
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. My theory is that you will have better results if you learn to 'attract' rather than to 'pursue'. We all know the things to work on.....personality, looks, personality, hygiene, personality, hobbies, personality, health, etc.... :wink:

I have trouble with all of those.



Well then you know what needs work. :idea: According to most of the women that I've talked to....this area is the most important of them all. I wish I could help you more than that, but every person has to find what fits themselves.

I am not sure how to work on my personality. I try not to lie, try not to be condescending or negative, try and compliment the person. My problem is I spend most of my free time alone and in my head. You begin to get mad at the world and frustrated after 25 years. My solution to that is to work out, work a job, and go to school full time. When I am not busy though, the anger comes back. Then I start to freak myself out thinking I am just a crazy, lonely, obsessive, quiet, often angry person. It is a vicious circle to be in and I don't know where to get help or if I just have to wait for my life circumstances to change so I will have a different response to my life. I guess that's my only option unless I want to put a bullet in my head or resort to chronic drug/alcohol abuse to numb myself.



billsmithglendale
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06 Apr 2009, 12:40 pm

Space wrote:
jawbrodt wrote:
Space wrote:
jawbrodt wrote:
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. My theory is that you will have better results if you learn to 'attract' rather than to 'pursue'. We all know the things to work on.....personality, looks, personality, hygiene, personality, hobbies, personality, health, etc.... :wink:

I have trouble with all of those.



Well then you know what needs work. :idea: According to most of the women that I've talked to....this area is the most important of them all. I wish I could help you more than that, but every person has to find what fits themselves.

I am not sure how to work on my personality. I try not to lie, try not to be condescending or negative, try and compliment the person. My problem is I spend most of my free time alone and in my head. You begin to get mad at the world and frustrated after 25 years. My solution to that is to work out, work a job, and go to school full time. When I am not busy though, the anger comes back. Then I start to freak myself out thinking I am just a crazy, lonely, obsessive, quiet, often angry person. It is a vicious circle to be in and I don't know where to get help or if I just have to wait for my life circumstances to change so I will have a different response to my life. I guess that's my only option unless I want to put a bullet in my head or resort to chronic drug/alcohol abuse to numb myself.


You should get help and see a psychiatrist/therapist. You're having intrusive thoughts, you're angry, and it's interfering with the quality of your life. You may need some antidepressants or similar medication.

Do you have any hobbies that aren't solitary? Anything that can have you interacting with others in a cooperative or friendly way?

I can totally identify with a lot written here. I've had issues as well about wanting to find friends, lovers, etc., and coming off as too desperate. I've been happily married for a long time now, but also had to deal with anger issues and intrusive thoughts, usually when something stressful or awful was going on in my life, and almost always when I was trying for something that wasn't meant to be or was wrong for me.

I hope you can find some inner peace, and in the process, solve some of the issues that are tormenting you. For me, firearms as a hobby has really cheered me up, redirected a lot of my idle energy, and even gotten me some new friends and experiences. Contrary to what some would think, it's also helped with anger issues as well -- I control my anger better now, because I don't want to lose my gun rights. It's forced me to be responsible and to value my life and safety, and that of others. I'm sure there must be an equivalent of you.

Oh, and stop overthinking everything. Focus your mind on positive things, let go of the negative. Life is too short to lose sleep or spend time doing internal dialogs on everything that is pissing you off. It will help you calm down and find a girl who values you for who you are.



Aspie_Chav
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06 Apr 2009, 12:53 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
Aspie_Chav wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
Aspie_Chav wrote:
On Saturday Speeddater lock and key, when talking to some woman did say that I come over as a very happy person. I figured that I too must suffer from Fat-Jolly-Girl Syndrome also. On the outside I appear happy, on the inside miserable as hell.


WTF? :lmao:

What'Wait! You think a lie me y tell!
Fat-Jolly-Girl Syndrome; I don't now if this sydrome has a scientific name. Make those who are not the most attractive, an small advantage that will help them find somone, as they appear very happy. The opposite of an unhappy person who most o unnatractive. I know one girl at work; and when she comes into a room, she makes me smile? her favorate word is "Its Friday". And noone would know that yout of 300 men, I am the closest thng to a depressed Mr Spock.


I dont understand why you dont have any luck though as when we met you were handsome, funny, intelligent and all good things. Must be something wrong with the women you are persuing.


Image



MissConstrue
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06 Apr 2009, 1:01 pm

Space wrote:
jawbrodt wrote:
Space wrote:
jawbrodt wrote:
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. My theory is that you will have better results if you learn to 'attract' rather than to 'pursue'. We all know the things to work on.....personality, looks, personality, hygiene, personality, hobbies, personality, health, etc.... :wink:

I have trouble with all of those.



Well then you know what needs work. :idea: According to most of the women that I've talked to....this area is the most important of them all. I wish I could help you more than that, but every person has to find what fits themselves.

I am not sure how to work on my personality. I try not to lie, try not to be condescending or negative, try and compliment the person. My problem is I spend most of my free time alone and in my head. You begin to get mad at the world and frustrated after 25 years. My solution to that is to work out, work a job, and go to school full time. When I am not busy though, the anger comes back. Then I start to freak myself out thinking I am just a crazy, lonely, obsessive, quiet, often angry person. It is a vicious circle to be in and I don't know where to get help or if I just have to wait for my life circumstances to change so I will have a different response to my life. I guess that's my only option unless I want to put a bullet in my head or resort to chronic drug/alcohol abuse to numb myself.


Yeah I use to do that and still contemplate about since it was my social liquid and everything else.

That was around the only time I wasn't afraid to get out with people and actually have some friends. Yet...for some stupid reason, I can't be the same like I was when I first started drinking. When I drink, I can't seem to control my thoughts or actions anymore so it's a bit of a double whammy with me.

I still think about it every now and then as being the ultimate cure for being so akward and everything else that keeps me to myself. :roll:


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SamAckary
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06 Apr 2009, 1:49 pm

Honestly, I may be only 15, but I don't really feel anything, I mean the last time I had a girlfriend, I didn't really care, I don't care about much I suppose, just don't really have much reason to, I care more about knowledge than people, atleast that will never let you down I guess


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jawbrodt
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06 Apr 2009, 3:09 pm

Space wrote:
I am not sure how to work on my personality. I try not to lie, try not to be condescending or negative, try and compliment the person. My problem is I spend most of my free time alone and in my head. You begin to get mad at the world and frustrated after 25 years. My solution to that is to work out, work a job, and go to school full time. When I am not busy though, the anger comes back. Then I start to freak myself out thinking I am just a crazy, lonely, obsessive, quiet, often angry person. It is a vicious circle to be in and I don't know where to get help or if I just have to wait for my life circumstances to change so I will have a different response to my life. I guess that's my only option unless I want to put a bullet in my head or resort to chronic drug/alcohol abuse to numb myself.



Don't take this the wrong way, but, from what I've read from you here, and in the past....you seem to have alot of anger issues. It seems as if you already know that. On of the wosrt things you can do is acquire a reputation as being a hot-head. I'm pretty sure that it will scare most women away. I don't know if you are against meds or not, but it might be a good option to try, if only temporarily. It might help you have more control. Don't put alot of pressure on yourself to change instantly either, these things take time. Just try to think about what you say before you say it, and then think "does this sound like I'm pissed off?". Trust me, I grew up with an evil step-father who was angry all the time, and nobody was comfortable around him. If you learn to appear happy, then people will respond to you, and you will actually become happy. Happiness feeds on itself, it's a "snowball effect". :)


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ToadOfSteel
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06 Apr 2009, 4:42 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
^ :lol:


You know you want to... 8O :oops: :wink:



billsmithglendale
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06 Apr 2009, 4:57 pm

jawbrodt wrote:
Space wrote:
I am not sure how to work on my personality. I try not to lie, try not to be condescending or negative, try and compliment the person. My problem is I spend most of my free time alone and in my head. You begin to get mad at the world and frustrated after 25 years. My solution to that is to work out, work a job, and go to school full time. When I am not busy though, the anger comes back. Then I start to freak myself out thinking I am just a crazy, lonely, obsessive, quiet, often angry person. It is a vicious circle to be in and I don't know where to get help or if I just have to wait for my life circumstances to change so I will have a different response to my life. I guess that's my only option unless I want to put a bullet in my head or resort to chronic drug/alcohol abuse to numb myself.



Don't take this the wrong way, but, from what I've read from you here, and in the past....you seem to have alot of anger issues. It seems as if you already know that. On of the wosrt things you can do is acquire a reputation as being a hot-head. I'm pretty sure that it will scare most women away. I don't know if you are against meds or not, but it might be a good option to try, if only temporarily. It might help you have more control. Don't put alot of pressure on yourself to change instantly either, these things take time. Just try to think about what you say before you say it, and then think "does this sound like I'm pissed off?". Trust me, I grew up with an evil step-father who was angry all the time, and nobody was comfortable around him. If you learn to appear happy, then people will respond to you, and you will actually become happy. Happiness feeds on itself, it's a "snowball effect". :)


Agreed -- you seem to have kind of a confrontational thing going on, even in your profile pic -- lots of emphasis on battle, fighting, being wronged, etc. Not unusual for a guy your age, dealing with life's frustrations, full of testosterone and ready to take on life, but at some point, it becomes unhealthy, and as the guy above me said, it does tend to scare women. Women get scared by too much anger, too much testosterone (they like a confident, balanced guy, not a berserker waiting to off) -- in their mind, someone like that is a liability more than an asset. They want a guy who will be confident and assertive, but not suicidal and controlling.

I bet if you just dialed it back a bit, your life would get so much better. Like I said above, you're trying too hard, you're spinning your wheels instead of checking your traction and where it is you're going. You're so focused on getting there fast that you're not having a good time, or even sure about where "where" is.

Try reading some self-help books -- Anthony Robbins is good, and "How to Make Friends and Influence People" is really a great one as well (as cliche'ed as that sounds). And look into professional help -- When I was your age and pissed off about all manner of things, I was seeing a psychiatrist.



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06 Apr 2009, 7:30 pm

i have no motivation plus obsessions like you wouldnt believe to even think about going outside to make friends :lol:


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06 Apr 2009, 7:32 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I've tried working on personality, but I know someone who feels that personality cannot be worked on, that whatever personality traits you have at birth are the ones you're stuck with for the rest of your life.


Your right, some personality traits and quirks can't be changed...that's what makes us who we are. That doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement in other areas though.



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06 Apr 2009, 8:16 pm

Space wrote:
I am thinking about how often I feel lonely and want someone. Should I just not feel lonely? Feel nothing, then people will be attracted to me? I don't understand the NT social rules, they say if you act lonely or like you want someone, then you're desperate and unattractive? But if you act like you don't want someone, then you don't want a relationship, right? I am feeling very socially ret*d today.



Speaking from experience, acting like you're not lonely doesn't help you get a relationship. Being lonely and showing it doesn't get you a relationship either, it makes you look desperate and needy, which is extremely awkward and uncomfortable to the other person you're interested in.

You know, it looks like you're screwed either way you look at it. I think the only thing you can do is make friends with gals and try to create as much connections as possible. And if they go cry on your shoulder about "guys mistreating them and how there are no nice guys around" after they get out of a relationship, you should tell them off and explain to them WHY they fail. I mean, don't curse or swear, but tell them, and if they get pissed off, let them, but it might knock some sense in to them if they take time to think about it.



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06 Apr 2009, 8:32 pm

SilverStar wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
I've tried working on personality, but I know someone who feels that personality cannot be worked on, that whatever personality traits you have at birth are the ones you're stuck with for the rest of your life.


Your right, some personality traits and quirks can't be changed...that's what makes us who we are. That doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement in other areas though.


I meant I was focusing on the ones I can work on. In other words, personality never stays constant.