Im giving up

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On relationships. Half the time women are too disgusted by me to even want to get to know me, or what ever. It's just too much time and energy. And the last two relationships I was in ended badly. It's like suddenly, I'm the bad guy and not even worth the time to talk the problems out or what ever. Its just easier to throw me to the curb like yesterday's trash and move on. So, screw it, I'm not wasting anymore time on trying to find a woman or girlfriend or whatever. All that happens is I am the one made out to look like some jerk or as*hole and I don't even know what happened. I treat women nice, and sure I may not be perfect when in a relationship, but I don't cheat and I don't hit people. Anyways, somehow none of my relationships have ever passed the two year mark. I really don't know what I do to deserve sh***y treatment from women...

One thing i'd like to say.....and this may not apply to you, but the aspie's i have known in my life this is true...often you think way worse of yourself then the people around you. Aspie's that i have known tend to magnify what they feel others perceive them as. My b/f for example who is now 41 spent the first part of his life being so hard on himself when people really didn't percieve him to be 'ugly' or 'stupid' or the other things that he felt that they saw in him. He magnified it in his own head, and by doing that his behavior around these people would be extremely defensive and made him say things that hurt their feelings and it was THEN that their perceptions might have changed for the worse.

This might not describe you, but i wanted to say it outloud in case it could be happening. Try not to believe that people are always thinking the worst because when you do that your behaviors around them become defensive and you will unwittingly cause the behaviors that you feared to actually occur.

Self fulfilling prophecies.

The only CONTROL you have in your life, and this is for everyone, NT or Aspie, lies within your own thoughts. It is powerful once you finally realize it is this area that you have TOTAL control over. You can't control your neighbor, your friends, people you meet on the street... but you can control how you react to them. If you change the inputs to your current situation the outputs will likely change. Keep doing everything the same and you will find you end up with the same results. Try tweaking the current mindset and see if that changes anything for you at all.

I used to be a slave to my thoughts and when i perceived i was unliked or criticized I would feel bitter, negative, and aloof. It was that reaction that caused people to shy away from me because those are not attractive traits. ONce i realized i controlled my thoughts and how i reacted to things i felt much more in control of my life and it is a powerful feeling.

Regardless of how people perceive you, you should always live your life doing things that make you happy and keep on being who you are. If you can do this with as little negativity as possible you will find that maybe not ALL people, but there will be a certain number of people who will respond positively to that.

Don't give up. People are just people....whether they are an NT or AS...we all are different, yes, but we all have insecurities, fears and can be caught up in negativity at the blink of an eye. Just take the control back into your life and start controlling your thoughts and channeling them in a more positive manner. Because if you give up on people, you can forget this situation ever changing. Then you will go from being a young bitter man to an old bitter man. You say your relationships never progressed from the two year mark? Well my friend you are doing better than about 50% of the population because some people never even GET to the relationship stage, much less two years. And it isn't that you have gotten shltty treatment from women, you have gotten sh***y treatment from THOSE particular women. And truly examine what you put into the relationship as well, because again, you only can control YOU and your own outputs. I'd be hard pressed to find even one person on earth who never did anything unwittingly or unknowningly that was bad for the relationship. I don't know of anyone that perfect, or haven't met them yet. I am not suggesting that you were responsible for the demise of the relationship, I am only suggesting that if you truly take inventory of the things that YOU could have done differently, then next time around you will be a better partner.

IMO no relationship that we learn something from is a failure. And although we like to BELIEVE that a relationship is forever, let's face it, most arent. I have had several longterm relationships and went into each one believing that was the one, it would be forever, yada yada yada but i know realize that relationships just aren't always going to last forever, so i have learned to live day by day and soak in what i can when i have it and while that person is with me. It is ok to let go of people sometimes when it turns from positive to negative, and i do know that Aspie's have the hardest time of all with this. If it is something that you could ever find within your reach to grasp, it will make you feel more free and less afraid of a perceived 'failure'. IF we have the mindset that a lost relationship ISN'T a failure then we can better embrace new situations and just love that person while we have them in our lives.

dude thats exactley why i dont get involved with a hunny. women can pick and choose, and if they dump you can find another guy usually within 24hrs. while it takes us alot longer, i wish i had some earth shattering revelation for you but i dont. so buy some beer, put on your favorite tune and forget about her

Know how you feel scott.
I've been trying to convince myself to give up and stop looking for a girl for a while now. Unfortunately, there's a part of me that won't listen to reason and give up. x.x
I haven't even gotten as far as going out on a date with anyone.
See, i think part of it is what jenna was talking about, i have ZERO self-esteem. Making it worse is i don't trust anyone till i know them for a while, at LEAST over 6 months. this means i can't meet people. I have yet to meet a girl who's made me feel anything other than physical attraction or shallow crushes, and i have almost never seen ANY girl express any interest in me.

So, i guess it's your call, if you can really let go of looking for someone, it might be a good idea.

I know how you feel hun i recently put a post on here basically saying the same thing.

I cant be bothered anymore men just seem to mess me around or break my heart so i give up.

Sometimes I felt like filler material, good enough for when a girl could not find anyone better, but then I get the letter, yeah, I found someone else. BTW, I can't believe I was ever with you, the thought of me kissing you makes me vomit now. That was what the girl who dumped me over Yahoo actually said to me. My response was, ' well, thanks for letting me see you naked, you slut"

I am too but not because I feel like no one will ever love me but because I'm tired of pursuing such a ridiculous goal. Love, it's a fool's game. Do you realize how many people would be happy if they didn't worry about love? Without love, there is no telling what mankind could achieve.

By giving up, I will have so much more energy to go into more important things. To hell with love and dating. People in relationships have rubbed their happiness in my face for the first 25 years of my life so I'm going to spend my remaining 50 or so years rubbing being single in their faces in return!

I guess maybe it is time to let my family name die...

Best advice i can give is this. Stop looking, and try to find fulfillment without relationships in you life. One important condition however. DO NOT, reject it if you come across someone who you have real chemistry with. sometimes you get lucky and love just happens to you, don't push it away if it does.
best of luck to you, either way.

Wow, thats been my experience as well. When a woman does take an interest in me, it lasts for a short while, then Im tossed to the curb like trash very unceremoniously and suddenly. I usually end up feeling like Im just distraction until something more worthwhile comes along, and if im 'lucky' whenever shes bored she'll glance my way.

I've felt like such a "monster" that Its not possible to love me, no matter how brave, compassionate and caring I am, in fact, those traits seem to push women away from me, I've even had some tell me to my face that Im 'too nice." I've had women purposely pick fights with me because that want me to fight them, my ex girlfriend was notorious for that. I just dont understand that kind of mentality, why is being a jerk to your girlfriend somehow a positive thing?