Advice for Parenting...Please give me your 2 cents

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You don't have to be a parent to help me with this one. I have a 2 year old. I really think she's Aspie, but I also really believe she's still too young to tell for sure. Either way, at this point, I think it would help if I knew for sure. Not only with me trying to get passed some of the greatest difficulties with her (like getting her into a sleep routine and speaking better), but I also think it would help when I'm trying to talk about getting past these difficulties with my friends who refuse to consider the notion that my daughter could be Asperger's.

So, first of all, should I consider taking her to see someone about a diagnosis? Cause if they do diagnose her, it will be her label. Considering she's also over active as a result of this, she could very well be mislabeled ADHD, which I don't think that is the case. But at the same time, because I can see the symptoms of it and recognize it, I have a hard time not labeling her myself. So, if she is very NT, I'm letting her get by with things that I think are Aspie related because I think it's outside of her control (like falling asleep).

Second of all, if I do decide to get a diagnosis, nobody really knows that much about Aspergers. So, i really don't know who I'd want to go see. I know of a great psychologist in the area that works with kids, but she's hard to get into. I don't know if I want to go about this on a local level. I'd rather her be with experts from day one. If an idiot tells me whatever, I'm not going to believe him because he's an idiot. There's just too many idiots in the field, especially when it comes to Aspergers. So I don't know how to approach that.

So please tell me what you think about all this.

you can check if she is on time with her development or is she missed any developmental milestones. if she is behind in one area or another (for example speech), then this could mean she needs early intervention therapy.

The trouble with labeling someone is that at some point, they 'become' the label. I was diagnosed late in life (like last year), and while knowing I has Asperger's would have made some things easier from the get go, I also think I may never have strived beyond it, to be in society rather than outside of it. Obviously, you can't have her diagnosed then keep it a secret, so I guess my only advice would be to try and de-emphasize it as she grows up. Things will be harder, but never tell her what she can't do.

And yeah, finding a good professional diagnosis is key. Make sure whoever you talk to has a good understanding of Aspergers. All too many posters here will tell you of being misdiagnosed because the doctor either didn't look thoroughly enough or didn't really know what to look for.

Most kids do not get diagnosed until they are school aged. This is unfortunate, but it's also the way it is. The one thing that could be a possibility is if she seems to have some pretty extreme sensory issues. These issues usually can lead to either a sensory integration dx or a pervasive development dx. Both of which are normally pre-emptive dxs for ASD. However, girls tend to be on target with most developmental milestones, so generally they are harder to diagnose. My mom said that she knew something wasn't quite right because I dressed my Barbies all up and then lined them up on the floor. I didn't utilize neurotypical playing behaviour. I was 37 before I was diagnosed.

Most doctors won't touch an autism diagnosis without a lot of other problems being in place. Speech issues, missed developmental milestones, etc. If you have an autism specialty clinic near you, get on the waiting list and have them evaluate her. I think that if a parent suspects that's the issue, it's worth checking out. Autism is mistaken as lots of things, however, it's rare that autism is misdiagnosed in and of itself. Good luck.

I, too, had no idea I was AS until about a week ago. I have no idea how differently I might have turned out if my mother had taken the advice of my teachers and gotten me "tested" but I suspect I would have been different.

I think the thing you need to do is to be cognizant of your child's needs. If you see her struggling in ways that are typically Aspie but it strikes you as mild (i.e. she can eventually surmount her problems), I wouldn't necessarily seek a diagnosis. If it's obvious that she is getting overwhelmed and is having real difficulty, get professional help. Unfortunately, getting a diagnosis is usually a prerequisite for getting the kind of professional help she would need.

Well said.

Tune into the child; be led by her needs.

The only sign of Asperger’s that I had when I was two years old was excessive daydreaming. Except for that one pronounced characteristic I don’t think anyone could have seen any difference between me and any other child. It seems to me that either you need to find some kind of genius psychologist or wait until she is older.

Have you discussed your concerns with your daughter's pediatrician? At two years old, she sounds like a typical kid to me at that
age. Still, your pediatrician can give you the best advice.

As for establishing a bedtime routine, think of bedtime every night as the four Bs in this order...Bath, Brush (teeth), Book, Bed (sleep). In reference to her not speaking well, what do you really expect a two year old to say? Is she where she should be
developmentally? By reading books to her, especially at bedtime, she will become better acquainted with spoken language and
this should help her with her vocabulary.

Best of luck to you!

When I was two years old I slept about three hours a night. The rest of the time I didn't stop moving. My mom took me to see a doctor and they gave her an Rx for Dexedrine but it was too strong so he switched me to Ritalin instead.
You can try getting a referal from your doctor. If you live near a University hospital they usually have specialists.

Thank you all. Again, I have an instinct that tells me what to do, and I have a friend that tells me it's wrong, so I question it myself. I personally think she's Aspie, but I don't think a diagnosis is necessary yet. If she's like me, she'll be able to overcome most of the problems in her own time, and it helps having me see it and trying to work little tricks along the way that I've learned for myself. I really think trying to force her into doing things when she's not ready to do them only makes things worse. To be honest, I don't think a formal diagnosis would do any member of my family any better except like in the case of my nephew whose mother is kinda irrational and won't believe anything she doesn't want to believe, and even then, the formal diagnosis isn't doing much help. But anyway, my friend thinks my daughter needs to be saying more and really wants me to get her diagnosed and into the Birth to Three program to have them help her talking better and things like that. But, my friend is just overly critical, and often, she argues with me no matter which direction I take on things. I really think she's a good mom, but I don't want to be like her. I went through the same thing with my mother in law. She's supermom, but I don't want her life. I don't want my friend's life either. If I try to do things their way, then I'll be living a life just like them, and I wouldn't be happy that way.

I do agree with the posts that tell me to let my child direct me. My friend says I let my daughter control me, and yes, that's the way I want it to be. Like, i want my parenting to be based on my child's needs over my own. But in that process, I get neglected, and in the process, my children get away with more bad behavior because I've only known negative reinformcement techniques, so I'm very new to the concept of positive reinforcement. So in my house, right now, there is cereal and lollypops all over my bed, crayon (most of which is the washable kind) on the wall (which I kinda like that), and toys all over the floor and things like that. My friend thinks I'm nuts because these things happen. She keeps telling me what is wrong in my house and that it needs to be fixed. That none of this is normal for 1 and 2 year olds. Only in the last conversation did she start giving me advice on how to fix all these problems, and that was only because I was rude about the idea that all she does is say this and that is wrong, and you need to get your kids to do this and that, and you need to show them whose boss and you need to correct them by spanking them and yelling at them. Then she was like, I never said that, and then I quoted where she did, and then she changed her approach to it.

But either way, I personally feel that the problem isn't my kids as much as myself. I lead by example, and they are learning my bad behaviors from my example. So, the best parenting approach I can take at this point is to work on my bad behaviors. I tend to stay up later than my kids (until they got better at it than me) so that I could get work done while they were sleeping. Somewhere along the way, they both realized that. My two year old now refuses to go to sleep until I am going to sleep. As far as my walls and my floors, I don't draw on the walls and pour juice on my floors. But, I am messy. I have a high tolerance for mess. My mom was not a domestic diva but a career woman. She raised me with an emphasis on academics, creativity, career oriented things, and then I added beauty to it. So, i focus most of my efforts on brains and beauty. Housework takes away productive time for brain type activities while destroying any beauty you had going (like your nails). So, I never was a fan of it. Either way, I have been doing more housework now than ever, but my house is still not clean no matter how often I clean it. A lot of that is bad habits that I have and my husband, and now my kids. It's like nobody respects the house. I know it's that way because I'm the leader and I don't. So, maybe if I do respect my house and take pride in it, maybe the rest of the family will follow suit. That's not just in getting it clean and clutter free, but also creating systems to maintain that and changing lifestyle to support that. You know when I clean the room with the Xbox 360, my husband will take his dirty dishes to the sink. When the kids dump toys all over the floor and I leave the empty Wendy's bag sitting on the sofa will my husband stop taking his dirty dishes to the sink. So, it's not a matter of disciplining my kids for dumping the toys on the floor as much as teaching them what the room is supposed to look like by making it normal for the room to be clean. In the process, like my 2 year old will dump all the toys out of a container to use the container as a step stool, so I should probably make a step stool available to her so she won't have to dump all the toys out. These are the methods I want to use because I think it would be more effective, even though changing my lifestyle and getting rid of my bad habits is much harder than putting a kid in time out. Not only is it harder, but it doesn't happen over night. If I go with an all or nothing approach, then I'll give up on myself. So, I really need to incorporate small changes over a long period of time rather than just wake up and totally change my life around.

This is the method I've been going with for a while now, but not that long yet. And, my friend is far from perfect adn I could just as easily criticize her, but I don't want to be that person. But, it's still hard to think I'm right about something when everyone who surrounds me keeps telling me I'm wrong. It's so funny too, everything my friend says to do, internet research like from baby websites tell me to do the opposite. People on this forum seem to tell me more of what I think is right than what my friends think. Maybe I just live in the wrong state or country or something.

So, thank you very much for your posts. I guess sometimes all I really need is a little support.