Our physical cycle starts with gradual decline in some type of touch or frequency of sex (verbal intimacy has never been a thing with us even though he knows how to flirt with others when playing a role to socialize). I then start feeling lonely or doubting that he cares as much as he used to, and I think “he used to be willing to do blank, but now he is not. Does it mean he doesn’t care as much?” When/if I bring my concerns to him (sometimes calmly,sometimes not), he perceives it as being told he is not good enough. I then feel like I must not be good enough or have been too insensitive and decide to comprimise. Sometimes he temporarily tries to be more cognizant as well, but it never really seems to stick as part of the routine, and almost all intimacy has eroded away.

This is the tip of the iceberg…we also struggle with parenting, finances, chemical dependency with DUIs, and loss of interaction with friends and family.

I am a natural caretaker, which I am sure is one of the reasons he was attracted to me at first, but now it seems that the cards have been dealt in such a way that discomfort for him has been removed as much as possible, and I am now the uncomfortable one, always questioning why I feel the need for touch.
I rarely ask for compromise anymore because of the reactions I get. Even something as small as asking (maybe 3 times a year) to have my shoulders rubbed on a very stressful day garnishes a heavy sigh or an eye roll. When I ask for things, I try to detach emotionally and remove all hope for a positive reaction so that I am not hurt if there is a negative response, but removing hope from a relationship is not healthy either.

With his unwillingness to say or do anything outside of the bed more intimate than periodically putting his hand on my thigh, I have now grown bored with sex (NOT like me at all). I almost never initiate sex any longer.

I love kissing and cuddling but dismissed those desires several years ago. He used to do other things that were clearly love actions that made up for the lack of touch (making dinner and other tasks he would take off my plate), but that is less frequent as well. He seems to think that keeping a job (another difficult cycle we have been through several times) and sharing tasks around the house are all he needs to do to feed the relationship.

Our relationship feels like I am pushing someone on a swing who doesn’t realize he needs to pump his legs to keep moving until the swing slows to a stop. Realizing that pushing is a type of enabling, I am so tired of pushing and am ready to just jump onto my own swing and pump it myself. I would rather be alone than lonely together. Have any of you made it through situations like this successfully?