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 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: Should I be friends again with my (ASD) ex

Posted: 21 Mar 2022, 8:46 pm 

Replies: 2
Views: 618


It sounds to me like he might of gotten overwhelmed being in a serious relationship & he is very insecure about his issues. Maybe he's had relationships before you with women who've gotten very upset with him expecting & demanding that he'd be different. From what I've seen on this forum, i...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: Should I be friends again with my (ASD) ex

Posted: 21 Mar 2022, 5:03 pm 

Replies: 2
Views: 618


My ex and I broke up a few days ago. We dated for a year and a few months. A bit of a background: he is not diagnosed, and doesn't understand why he is "different". Sorry this is long but tldr: Ex broke up with me but wants to stay friends. Maybe we'll date again, maybe we won't. Maybe we'...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out

Posted: 29 Oct 2021, 12:30 am 

Replies: 36
Views: 1,475


From my experience, getting stuff done and checking off items on a todo list is a coping strategy for many people on the spectrum, especially with signs of OCD. Many just can't stop thinking about unfinished tasks and unresolved issues and fall asleep. todo lists provide clarity and focus, compensa...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out

Posted: 29 Oct 2021, 12:12 am 

Replies: 36
Views: 1,475


It's a bit like when my husband had his eating disorder problems. He tried to make me responsible for what he ate. My therapist told me to resist it - he's a grownup man, he has to take responsibility for his own unhealthy behaviors - and, as hard as it was, it had healing effect to both of...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out

Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 10:14 pm 

Replies: 36
Views: 1,475


Thanks, what you described in your first paragraph makes sense. What has worked so far is when I mention it to him in a light-hearted conversation after the stressful situation, then we talk about it casually or even playfully, so he doesn't feel attacked. It is very challenging right now because h...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out

Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 6:40 pm 

Replies: 36
Views: 1,475


Fnord, I'm trying to find a tactful way to say that your words are actually gaslighting the OP, whether that's your intent or not. You're suggesting it could be her fault and she might (lowkey) deserve it. Yes both parties can make mistakes. Sometimes a gaslighting victim does make mistakes. Everyo...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out

Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 2:13 pm 

Replies: 36
Views: 1,475


This is a tough situation to be. I would suggest being present, but setting boundaries and giving him some space when he is at his lowest points. If your goal is to maintain a healthy relationship, attempts to interfere in these moments should be very careful. Being supportive when he is being rude...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out

Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 2:04 pm 

Replies: 36
Views: 1,475


It's a bit like when my husband had his eating disorder problems. He tried to make me responsible for what he ate. My therapist told me to resist it - he's a grownup man, he has to take responsibility for his own unhealthy behaviors - and, as hard as it was, it had healing effect to both of...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out

Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 2:00 pm 

Replies: 36
Views: 1,475


You seem to dig the guy----cool. But still, it's better if he didn't insult you the way he insults you. I'm sort of a wallflower Milquetoast myself----but I wouldn't allow someone to say the things that this guy has said to you. Definitely, this is not sustainable, but he is aware that he has the t...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out

Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 12:44 pm 

Replies: 36
Views: 1,475


Thanks everyone for your responses. I appreciate it. To answer some questions, we've been dating for a year. I am not financially dependent on him. We don't co-habitate, and neither does he pay for my necessities. What he does cover however (or at least 80% of it), are trips and activity expenses. I...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out

Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 1:21 am 

Replies: 36
Views: 1,475


TLDR: How would you like your NT partner to respond to you/behave around you when you're stressed out and you're being grumpy So my guy (ASD) is under a lot of stress which started at least 3 weeks ago. He's been very busy with work and going on interviews at the same time. He says he feels he has 2...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: NT ND challenges from NT perspective

Posted: 31 Jul 2021, 1:29 am 

Replies: 14
Views: 824


#3 Yes I can relate. Small talk is a major work in progress. As with everything my daughter knows people have small talk but she tries to interpret it in terms of functionality and purpose rather than interpreting it as a way of breaking ice or just chilling. But if its one of her special interests...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: NT ND challenges from NT perspective

Posted: 31 Jul 2021, 1:05 am 

Replies: 14
Views: 824


I'll do my best. #1: He seems to struggle with anticipating basic needs How do you express your needs? Do you directly say, "I am hungry. I want to stop for food." Or do you possibly "soften" your requests? (It would be nice to stop soon, Are you hungry?, My stomach hurts, etc.....

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: NT ND challenges from NT perspective

Posted: 30 Jul 2021, 8:48 pm 

Replies: 14
Views: 824


One of the best ways I have learned to navigate relationships, is to oversimplify everything (in my own brain)...... 1) Your time is finite. 2) The best use of your time is bringing yourself happiness/fulfillment. 3) If a person contributes to your happiness, then spend time with them. 4) If a pers...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: NT ND challenges from NT perspective

Posted: 30 Jul 2021, 7:55 pm 

Replies: 14
Views: 824


I guess I overlooked something sort of obvious.... the big tipping point from friendship to romance usually hinges on some physical display of affection (such as a kiss on the lips, cuddling, sex, etc). Have you and he ever engaged in any such mutual romantic gesture? there is the romance aspect th...

 Forum: Love and Dating   Topic: NT ND challenges from NT perspective

Posted: 30 Jul 2021, 5:27 pm 

Replies: 14
Views: 824


This right here would be enough of a reason for me, personally, to walk away. I've been told to ask him what the "functional meaning" of commitment/gf is to him (and for me to have a more concrete definition of it). That way it would be easier perhaps for us both to understand what we wan...
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